Friday, 28 November 2008

  • I Had An Experimental GF...But I Like Guys.

    This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.

    When most people refer to an experimental event in their life, it usually involves a crazy night at a college party and the aftermath that proceeded after everyone stumbled home. "Girls just want to have fun," some might say.  However, I "performed" this experiment contrary to the way most people do, and part of me still regrets doing this.

    I'm a gay man, and it's been obviously clear to me since I was twelve.  Although I've known it for so long, I was never really ready to come to terms with it until I was older.  Kids, especially in high school, are mean.  They can quickly make you hate yourself and who you are.  You should never listen to what they say, but I was a teenager once, too, and I know it's impossible not to hear what the others say.  Although I knew I was gay in high school, I continued to prowl for that elusive girlfriend, because she might have been able to change my feelings.  "Maybe I'm gay," I thought, "because I've never had a girlfriend."

    I kept telling myself that, thinking that maybe I could convince myself otherwise.  Looking back at it now, it was such a naïve thing to believe, but it seemed like a great idea at the time. 

    During my sophomore year of college, I met a really great girl.  She was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met - very cute and a lot of fun to be with.  We spent a lot of time together building things up...you know, all of the typical romance beginnings - holding hands on a late-night walk, spending a ton of time together, surprising each other in random places - it was the beginning of my first real relationship.  During the entire process, however, I had this nagging feeling in my head.  "This isn't right," I thought to myself. "Don't do this to her.  She doesn't deserve it."

    I didn't listen to the voice of reason in my head until it was too late - until after we shared our first kiss.  That was the moment I knew that what I was doing was completely wrong.  It was wrong for me to be with a girl, but most of all, it was wrong for me to be playing with her emotions and her feelings.  She did nothing to deserve what I put her through. When I told her that our relationship couldn't go on any longer, she was crushed and wanted to know why it had to end. I didn't want to tell her at the time, and instead I lay awake at night feeling terrible, but I knew I did what I had to.

    Today we're the best of friends and laugh about the experience.  She loves my partner of two years and is in a long-standing relationship of her own.

    My question is, have you ever been someone's “experiment” or have you ever done the experimenting?  How did it leave you feeling?  Are you still friends with the person?

Related Posts

Comments (25)

  • JessxMaxine@xanga
    I have done that. I would have been my gay boy friends "tester" but we both just realized, he liked penis way too much like me and no vagina could change that. Lol.

    Xo
  • LadyAsianInvasion@xanga

    yah..i kinda experimented..i had sex for the second time with my best friend.  we liked each other a lot..and i thought it would be weird to have sex with a guy who isn't my bf..but it happened so naturally..in the end...he loved me..i didn't love him.  so i ended it, and just like you..till this day..were still friends.
  • simply_steffy@xanga

    I know tons of gay guys that have "experimented" with women just to try and prove to themselves that they weren't really gay.


  • TakingxOverxMe@xanga

    Never done experimenting and I haven't been experimented on.  o.o
  • loudletters@xanga

    I've never tried experimenting or been experimented on... yet.
  • XXVl@xanga

    I HOPE I haven't been experimented on!
  • Lil_Firefly_25@xanga

    I've "experimented" with a couple of girls before. It was a late summer night two years ago...I mean, three teenage girls, duh. Rather common these days. Personally, I don't think I could ever be in an actual relationship with a girl, but who knows. For now, I consider myself straight.
  • bmrowland@xanga

    I consider myself pretty easy going, and chill, until I found out that I was a test run.


    I went to a party, and met a girl my freshman year.. and I fell hard for her.. Honestly, I thought she could possibly be my it, my ultimate.. but I was smart, and waited for the honeymoon phase to end..


    Well, I'm glad I waited before I jumped the gun, because about a month into things she broke it off with me,


    "You're a lot of fun, but I just miss dick."


    As a bi girl myself, I understand the pleasure of said body part.. and I enjoy it myself.. but I guess I just thought what we had was.. better?


    Or Not.
  • inhale_quotes@xanga

    thank you for subscribing,
    i hope you had a great holiday!
  • kaleidescopeeyes88@xanga

    I might very well have been some guys' "experiment," because I do suspect that at least a couple of the guys I've dated might have been gay or sexually confused.  No, I wouldn't be hurt if that turned out to be the case.  Actually, I would almost prefer if guys who broke up with me were gay.  That's a much easier explanation for me to accept than to think that I wasn't pretty or sexy enough!  JK.

    But seriously, though, I think that to some extent, especially when we're young, all of our romantic/sexual encounters are experimental.  We're constantly figuring out what we like and don't like, and part of that process is doing things that don't quite feel right.  It's only through doing that that we know what does. 

  • Vergil555@xanga

    Hell every girlfirend i have now is an experiment to see what kind of personality i like.  Though ive pretty much got it nailed down as to what kind of girl im looking for which would explain why ive been single for so long.
  • redchill@xanga

    I did both, at the same time once. Being "played" and "playing"...It was a terrible feeling! I still think back to those times and wish I could have avoided that completely.


    My best friend who is now gay, asked me out in my freshman year of high school. I sort of rejected him. He sent me a letter conveying his feelings and I lost the letter before I even read it. Misunderstandings....but, we're the best of friends still.
  • ChristieOriley@xanga

    I was a guinea pig, but not because he was gay. He was trying to see if he could 'pull off' the whole 'commitment thing,' and figured if he would be able to, I'd be the one he'd be able to stay committed to. It sounds pretty dumb, but I understand better now that we're both outside of the situation. He doesn't do relationships at all anymore, and he's one of my very best friends (for about two years now). We both laugh at it quite often, and lucky for me, it didn't last too long before he realized he's just not a relationship guy, so we've managed to stay close with no bad breakup stories (and also he didn't cheat on me, he ended it because of the urge he had to do so).
  • Dramafree_Girl@xanga
    If you're not with the one, every relationship prior to that is an experiment, isn't it?? We're all someone's experiment and stepping stone, and we all made someone our experiement and stepping stone as well.
  • theamazingq1@xanga
    eh, kinda. My first gf went out with me cause she wanted to know what its like to have a boyfriend. Well it went ok for three months, then she dumped me, but I still had feelings for her, she told me about her test, we got back together for a very empty 6 months which I believe was due to the guy she liked saying no. So she dumped me again for some 17 yr old (she's 14) but its kool cause I have a awesome girlfriend now. My first girlfriend and I r still friends but nowhere as good if friends as we were.
  • playswithlife@xanga

    Actually, I've kind of experimented the other way around. I'm a guy, and I'm always getting guys hitting on me. I've never been attracted to males, but I'm not bothered by the idea of sex with a male either. So at some point I just spent a few days walking around, looking at all the guys I saw on the streets, and thinking .. could I enjoy sex with that guy? Nothing. I'm just not interested. I'm not repulsed or attracted .. it's like looking at a white wall. Pretty neutral. Then every time I saw an attractive girl walk by, some spontaneous attraction sprung up in me. I still kind of laugh at myself for doing this experiment :)
  • roooosah@xanga

    yes, I've been experimented with in high school. Obviously, the relationship didn't last very long, and my ex came out and told me 2 years later that he was gay.

    I was very shocked at first because I did not see that coming at all...but now we're on friendly terms and I'm happy that he's accepted his sexuality.

  • OstentatiousEloquence@xanga

    I'm not sure if he was aware I was an "experiment" at the time... but I had a "bisexual" male friend whom I started going out with. He acted very weird about it (usually a very warmhearted and friendly person, he started avoiding me without even realizing it), and the way he reacted to me- physically- was very different than I can recall a guy ever being. He said I was beautiful and all that, but I didn't see that passionate spark in his eye, if that makes sense. Nowadays he claims he's straight. And I'll never believe him. But at least I can say I turned him straight! Ha, I guess.
  • ecafrusehtrednu@xanga

    ): What a sad story.
  • PoetMcChick@xanga

    I didn't ever date anyone as an experiment. I knew I'd been attracted to both girls and guys alike. I did fool around with a few girls and take things kinda far, and I still consider myself bi. However, I do really like being with guys for the long term. Girls tend to get too moody for me, even though their bodies are much more pretty.
  • xthread@xanga

    I want to know who wrote this so we can be friends.
  • monkeyseemonkeydo4788@xanga

    Yep, I was her experiment.  It was my first relationship in 3 years (after my first and only boyfriend experience ended with a mutual decision to awkwardly stop calling one another) and her first relationship.  I was enamored - we had been friends for about 2 years and as I had gone through my coming out process I had realized that I had some feelings for her that went beyond close friendship.  She indicated that she was interested and we started to date, although it was a little difficult in that her mother taught at our school and I wasn't sure if I wanted my parents to know that I was dating (although I was out to them at the time) so the places where we could hang out and be open about the nature of our relationship were pretty limited.  Anyway, in the end she wanted to pursue a guy she met at a school dance and since I would be leaving for college in a few months she wanted to end it.  I was heartbroken - I think losing your first real relationship is the hardest.  But after a bit of time I was able to shift back to seeing her as someone I could be friends with and now we are still quite close.  She listens to my girl problems, I listen to her boy problems - overall, it's ended up for the best.
  • kutecumber@xanga

    @Dramafree_Girl@xanga - agreed .
  • Richal@xanga

    I was never subject to experiment, but in high school guys liked me and my friends pushed me to pursue them and "give it a chance."  So I would hang out with them - nothing really serious, but it was pre-date dating.  I couldn't understand why I didn't like them when it seemed that all my other friends had to do was be introduced to a guy who liked them who was somewhat appealing and they'd both start dating quickly.  Then I realized I was gay and it made sense, haha.  I did like one guy, however.  If I ever was forced into marriage I would pick him.  I guess you could consider that a "potential experiment."
  • Mike_Malignant@xanga

    ive had girlfriends too to make sure i wasnt straight lol i love how u spelt naïve right !!!

  • Choose Identity

  • Give eProps (?)

  • New! You can now edit your comments for 15 minutes after submitting.