Thursday, 27 November 2008
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I Want to Break Up - Do I Have to Get Her a Christmas Gift?
Mr. GiraffeMy roommate Nikolai wants to break up with his girlfriend of 20 months, Amanda. He can't stand her anymore because she's just been too much to handle between her jealousy and the ultimatums she doles out. He wants to do it in between and now and when they leave for break in late December, but there's just one problem.
Does he have to get her a gift for Christmas? He thinks he should, but then he wonders if she'll even want something from him after he breaks up with her. In my opinion, he doesn't need to, but our other friends think differently.
What do you think? Should you get a gift for someone with whom you're about to break up?
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Comments (88)
why waste money you could spend on yourself?
If you're breaking up, there's no need for you to get the other person a gift.
He doesn't have to. The question here is the essence of "giving"... Giving someone a gift if it's not what you really wanna do is so fucking stupid.
Let us list some possibilities:
1) Willing to be friends still?
- maybe give a more neutral gift? A card perhaps? Merry EX-Mas! hohoho
2) Really doesn't like her?
- don't give her anything? lump o coal?
3) Scared that she will think there is still a possibility of relationship?
- don't give her a teddy bear-type stuff.
I would get her a gift. If he isn't going to break up with her before Christmas then its courtesy to get her a gift. If he breaks up with her before Christmas- then no.
I don't think he should get her a gift. If it's over, it's over. There's no need to pretend, especially since he "can't stand her anymore."
Ew. No. Duh.
"I'm breaking up with you, but here is a memento so you can always remember this momentous occasion." *throws a $7 DVD that they already own at their head*
He shouldn't give a gift just because he feels obligated to. He should only give a gift if he actually WANTS to give her one.
depends on if he wants to stay friends with her or not. if not, no gift. if he does, a gift might be a nice (small) friendly reminder that he wants peace.
uh i don't think so--what for? i doubt it'll make her feel better after he broke up with her--
It's too soon.
NO! No gifts after you break up! That just makes it more hurtful!
No.. I don't think she'll appreciate it anyway.. she'll be too hurt to.
When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, it was right before our 6-month mark & I didn't get him a present. [Yea, we did the whole month by month thing.. it was his idea. I found it a bit lame & it just got tiresome 'cause it was too much & not enough time to put effort into each present.. Ok. End of tangent.] I figured since I was gonna break up with him, I shouldn't even bother. I knew he'd be the type of guy to box it away or something so it'd just be a waste of my time & money. I'm pretty practical when it comes to gifts. =X
I think it all comes down to how he feels she'd handle it & what he wants to do. If he knows she's probably gonna box it away, throw it out, or give it back, I wouldn't bother with getting a gift at all. Unless they've been good friends prior to the relationship & they are gonna try to remain friends, then perhaps he should.. However, the whole point of giving a gift during Christmas is giving from your heart & not because you feel obligated to...
No need to since he is going to break up with her, anyways. I'm sure she wouldn't want it either. If he does give her a Christmas gift, she's probably going to see it as an "out of pity" gift.
What's wrong with just wishing her a Merry Christmas? Hmmm.
No.
But depending on how she reacts ... maybe yes. Though, I'm leaning on a massive "no".
No.
He shouldn't.
save the money for the next girl, but if she's semi-psycho, please be tactful enough to let her down easy.
I think it's not the gift, but the timing.
Had he not think of breaking up with her during (before and after) Halloween?
um...not sure about the timing of the break up, near holidays and festival (e.g. Christmas and Valentine)
....worry it may be nasty.
It's not a happy thing when couple break up but I think breaking up smoothly (e.g. not during memorable days) is good for "both" side.
(the above is just my personal opinion and things I read online regarding healthy ways of break up)
Anyways, I wish both of them good luck.
yeah, girls have this weird tendency to throw every inanimate object that even remotely reminds her of the Ex into a box, hides the box, then sometimes burns the box. No gift.
Xo
No, he shouldn't feel obliged. If I was in position, I wouldn't.
no and he should try to end the relationship now while he can.
If he tries to use it as a parting gift sure. Depends on if he wants to try and stay on good terms. Honestly, if she is giving ultimatums left and right, she might be thinking this herself. The way I see it, If she is giving him ultimatums, she is testing the waters enough to understand those are grounds for a breakup.
I think its a good idea to get her something, nothing expensive, sheesh, could be a 5 dollar pair of jewelry from a fad shop. Just something to part on good terms in case he changes his mind, or wants to leave on a good concience.
I don't see the point in giving her a gift. If he does end up giving her one, then it'll just be like a pity present. Plus I wouldn't feel comfortable receiving a gift from someone who had just broken up with me/will eventually break up with me.
It's like, "Um, here's your gift back. I don't want it. Thanks but no thanks."
Don't do it.
My boyfriend and I broke up last week.
I had already gotten his Christmas gift.
(Tickets for us to a Sharks game.)
He already knew what he was getting me.
But decided on giving it to me.
We don't talk at all.
(Though. That's because I refuse to talk to an a**hole who breaks up with me for his skanky co-worker.)
The tickets for the game are instead going to be for me and my best friend.
=)