This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader. I've known this guy for about four years and we've been dating for a year. We talk about our future all the time (getting married, future house, kids, etc.). My boyfriend asked me a few months ago to go ring shopping, but he became silent when he saw how much a ring was going to be. I'm not looking for an expensive ring, but I would like one that will last for our entire lives. I think any decent ring will be a big expenditure for him because he doesn't have a permanent teaching job yet. We're planning to get married once one of us has a steady job.
The ring isn't the important thing to me, and I just want to be engaged to him because we both know we're going to get married. How do I mention, without pushing this on him, that I would rather have a cubic zirconium or simulated diamond during the couple years we're engaged and waiting to get married? This way we could be engaged sooner rather than later.
I would eventually want a diamond, something that I know will last forever, when we get married. But for now, it'd be a whole lot cheaper and we could focus on what really is important to us - like our future together.
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Comments (64)
I would love to have a diamond but if we don't have the money I will take something from walmart.
Your boyfriend sounds lucky to have you
. I think you should just straight up tell him what you wrote here. It's like a win win situation for the both of you, so I don't see him having a problem
Well................... if you're not into the whole "traditional" notion of the guy proposing to the girl, why dont YOU propose to him? I know its not something most girls would do... but if you guys already plan on getting married, why not? Besides, by doing that, you're bringing the ball back to your court. It'll make it easier for you to explain, "I dont care about the diamond (now), I just want to be with you".
I think that's very sweet that you don't care for the ring. Unfortunately, most people wants a nice diamond because they show it off like it's some trophy.... when it shouldnt be. GOOD LUCK! :D
since you guys are on the topic of marriage/future, i don't think it would be a bad idea to mention that you wouldn't mind a non-diamond ring now. i know somebody who got a ruby engagement ring because her fiance couldn't afford a diamond and she's totally fine with it. also, not everybody has an engagement ring or even a wedding ring.
btw, i love how the xanga ads around this post are for black diamond jewelry. lol
My engagement ring cost $32 at Walmart. We've been married 5 years and I still wear it. Rings are pretty much a microscopic issue in the context of a marriage. Real or fake, they are just a piece of jewelry. What matters is the love and commitment you have for each other.
Tell him how you feel. I'm sure it will ease his worries.
Just tell him? I'm sure he'll be a happy guy.
My boyfriend got me a simple gold band as an engagement ring-and I have forbade him to buy anything else. The ring symbolizes what?
Exactly. Not a damn thing, lol.
Answer me this-if you don't get a ring at all-would you still consider yourselves committed to one another? Would you still be willing to be with him for better or worse? Sickness and health? Is he still the man you want to share your life with?
The importance of the ring is partly-no mostly-cultural. The only significance it holds is the significance you give it. Talk to your intended spouse. Just tell him-I'm sure it will ease his mind.
I've just had nearly the same experience with my boyfriend. He's a year older than me, but I'm graduating from college this year, and he won't graduate for another two years. We aren't getting married until he's graduated and has a steady job, but that date seems to keep getting pushed back in the three years we've been dating. Anyway, so we went ring pricing, and I told him that Walmart is very cost effective. He refuses to get me a Walmart or fake ring because he thinks that it won't be honoring to me, and that if we're going to wait all this time anyway, what's the rush in getting engaged now? I say all this because I see where you're coming from, but if your man says no, I can see where he's coming from too.
Yes, focus on what is more important than just the superficial.
you could buy something less expensive and then trade up later and have that stone incoorporated into the new setting. or go for something like a semipersious stone and do the same.
whether you have an engagement ring or not, does not mean you can not be "engaged". many people do that and get married and not have rings. rings dont hold the union together, the people do.
I suggest waiting to get a diamond when you can afford one if that's what you want. I got married in my early 20s and had a steady job but not a high paying job. When I met my first husband (divorced after 11 yrs) we could barely afford a diamond but purchased one anyways. it was 1/2 carat center stone. Not trying to be superficial or materialistic, I know I settled and i kept hoping I'd get a bigger diamond eventualy but that never happened. Even if it was a diamond simulant, I would've still wanted a bigger /real diamond. While all my friends had their steady jobs, getting married later and could afford a real and bigger diamond then mine, I kept wishing and wanting the "real" one and the "bigger" one.
So my suggestion is, don't settle for something you really don't want. Save up for the one you really want. If you want to get engaged how bout another type of ring (sapphire...tanzanite...) to wear until you can afford to get that real one and the size you want? How bout a simple channel set band w/diamonds and sapphire? or a band of sapphires?
Superstition says: keep it real by making it real....in asian tradition, dont know if you're asian or superstitious, it's believed that if you wear a fake ring it like a symbol of what you have is not real too. So...that's something to think about.
Waiting..sometimes it's worth waiting for the bigger things in life....I know when i got divorced and was given a 2nd chance to a 2nd marriage, the wait was worth it.....i got "the ring", a wonderful husband, my 3 boys love their stepdad and life is just good. I look at my ring and smile b/c it symbolizes everything I could ever ask for in love, marriage & relationship....
goodluck to you!
I'm in the exact same situation! I wish you luck however it turns out!
How about a ringpop?? ^_^
YOU COULD TASTE IT.
downside; it doesn't last forever =( lol..but then you could buy a full box of different colors& BAM, BAM. match every outfit!!
mm. It doesn't always have to be a diamond.
If you really think about it, diamonds aren't forever either. Any other gemstone will probably last "forever" as far as human lifespans are concerned.
WOW-the diamond industry sure did a good job with their marketing! Why is it necessary to have a ring to be engaged. If the ring doesn't matter, then why can't you be engaged without a ring. I don't understand why women need a ring. It's just another marketing ploy to get men to spend money unnecessarily and frivolously, kind of like Valentine's Day. If you really didn't care about a ring, you should be able to be engaged without one - real or otherwise. A man does not wear anything to show that he is "off the market" - why should a woman? Like you said, the important thing is that you want to be together. Shouldn't that be enough?
@immaairheadxl@xanga - No lie, my boyfriend has said the same thing. He said he could get me a big box of ring pops...he's also mentioned an onion ring...
Just talk to him. Let him know upfront, or even ask him yourself. Then, go out together and pick a ring that you both would like.
That sounds like a win-win to me!
Unless, of course, there are any family heirlooms lying around...
Diamonds are over rated. What some people may not know - diamond is just the crystalline version of carbon. Chemically, there's little difference (besides structure) between a diamond and the graphite found in pencils, the only difference is one of them has been through an enormous amount of heat and pressure. You don't need a rock to show how much you love someone. BTW, anybody here ever look at the history of De Beers? You may not want to keep buying diamonds if you did.
I concur! As girlie girl as I may be, when it came to me and my boyfriend making our lifelong commitment to each other, we didn't signify that with a BIG rock. With the promise of a ring and wedding reception to take place later down the road, we eloped and invited only a few people to come witness our union.
I've been married about 7 months now and I still don't have my engagement ring. I wear a shared setting diamond band which was pretty cheap.
There are times, especially around other women with their big rings, when I do feel "cheated" or robbed of what I deserve, but I think it's only my own insecurities. If you have a strong sense of self and are truly commited to your man, then none of that should matter.
Good luck!
@jmgbme@xanga - lol...aw ?? in a way?? lol
i'd be like. i'ma eat this oka hahahhaaa
just tell him exactly what you just wrote in this entry. Simply tell him you are happy with a temporary ring, as long as you have him.
The ring is only an outside symbol of a commitment that is mostly inside the hearts of each of you.
I think he will be understanding you just have to be honest with him.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting a diamond right away. I think it would be a win win situation that he couldn't say no to.
Wanting a nice ring isn't superficial if you think about it this way. Â Paying for a ring takes effort. Â If the guy is willing to make the effort to save and buy the ring, it also kind of gives you a clue of how much effort he wants to put in for you. Â
It's also an indication of how financially stable you two are. Â If he can't afford a ring, chances are you guys would be very tight on money when you get married (and that could also strain a relationship). Â
Maybe you can wait until he does find a stable job and go from there? You don't have to get the biggest ring in the world, but.. even a small diamond ring is nicer than something fake in the long run. Â When you get married, you'll probably want to have kids, and when you do you will never have enough spare money to buy the better ring you wanted :-| Â
aww...this makes me sad - reminds me of what my ex told me
I told him the same thing- i dont care if its a fake diamond ring
Its the commitment that means the most to me
Heck those 25cents from the gumball machine would work for me cause I love him so much
& he told me no matter how much the ring cost he'll get it for me cause he wanted to take care of me / support me and make me his wifey
But all that is out the window when he found someone else to tell the same shit to =(
You: Hey honey, fuck the ring. The only hard rock I need is in your pants.
Him: Uh ok :)
Done and done.