Tuesday, 25 November 2008
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Do Men Still Want Princesses?
This is a guest blog submitted by hunnyz0806.
My boyfriend loves me because I'm independent. I'm not clingy, I have my own ambitions, I am self-reliant and I live my own life while balancing the time I spend with him. He does not shower me with gifts, but we cook dinner together almost every night and, frankly, the coziness I feel with him during this time could never be matched by the shiniest diamond bracelet or the most expensive pearl earrings.
But not all men would be able to tolerate a woman like me. I had to break up with my ex-boyfriend because he was too dominating in my life and felt that he always had to take care of me, pay for almost EVERYTHING (including subway fares!) and shower me in flowers and chocolate all the time.
Yet some girls admire and need such affection. My friend was reminiscing the other day about how her ex-boyfriend was so caring; the vase on her windowsill was always filled with roses and her fridge was always exploding with Godivas.
But are men still turned on by a princess? Though many men these days are still highly chauvinistic and want to be their girl's "provider", but maybe this phase is slowly dying out.
Do men still desire a Rapunzel they must rescue or a successful woman they can be proud of? Are they still willing to chase the midnight Cinderella with the silver shoe or do they look for the queen who already rules her kingdom? And what about women, do we still need a prince-in-disguise or are we sick of all this fairy-tale jargon and need a man who can adore ambition and independence?
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Comments (110)
No, in my opinion, they're kinda a thing of the past now.
very good question!
in my experience, my smarts and self-sufficiency have done me more ill than good in keeping a guy (why do they have to be so insecure!? i'm with them b/c i want to be, not need to be...sheesh) but my boy now seems over the moon about that, so here's hoping...
i look forward to the answers, guys :D
princesses? if by that you mean high maintenance.. probably not lol.
there needs to be a balance. a girl that can be independent is always a plus, lessens the burden on the man. BUT im sure a guy would want a semi-princess to date. because that means this girl cares about the way she presents herself: hair, makeup, being pampered... who doesnt? there's always an "overboard" though, too high maintenance or having a suffocating SO (like your ex). of course no relationship is perfect.
in my last relationship, my ex rarely bought me anything other than during Christmas. i rarely got a bday gift or even a valentines day gift. each year was a hit & miss whether i'll get flowers or not. so yea, coming from MY past experiences, i'd want to be someone's "princess" one day. :o)
I'm no princess, but my boyfriend, at the beginning of our relationship, wanted to pay for everything. He didn't want to spoil me or make me dependent on him; he just wanted to feel that he can provide for me. It was more for him than for me. I'm not comfortable with people paying for stuff for me, and it just doesn't seem fair anyway, so if we went out for a meal or something, I'd keep insisting on paying half of the bill. I even covered the whole thing a few times. He's accepted that I am independent and we have been splitting stuff ever since.
That's as close to being treated like a princess as I get (now). I think it's considered more like chivalry than pampering, though. By the way, I say "now" because I dated another guy who constantly got me stuff, but he was really in love with me. I told him to stop, but he said he wanted to get me things. He didn't go so far as to get me flowers and chocolates all the time. They were practical things he got me.
I don't know any girls who are treated like princesses. I'm sure they're out there, but I think everyone I know is pretty down to earth.
Princesses...not really. I'm starting to fall for the Miss. Independents out there haha
"Are they still willing to chase the midnight Cinderella with the silver shoe or do they look for the queen who already rules her kingdom?" I would say that they still want the chase, the excitment, and not be bored.
The rest not so much. We're coming into an era where chivalry is still great, but it's not all, it's not everything.
Since I’m not a guy I wouldn’t know what a guy wants so I asked my close guy friend and he said that he likes to feel needed but he doesn’t want a full on princess. He wants a girl who he knows will be alright if he goes out for the night with his buddies. He doesn’t want to save a girl.
Personally, I don’t see how guys would want a girl like that but I’m sure they’re some guys out there that like girls like that.
My man doesn't do thoes things most of the time he gives me my space and I appreciate it
Every man in his right mind loves a princess, but no man in his right mind wants her to stay a princess forever. Eventually she must grow up into a queen or be lost to him.
On the flip side, I think the real reason women don't want princes is because they are afraid eventually they will grow up and become kings. They don't like that idea, so they keep men at arms length, or keep them forever stunted as princes.
There is no harm in being youthful when you are young or even when the relationship is young. People want to stay like that, though, and that is not good. We are all afraid of maturity.
I'm a bit more independent than most of my friends. I am not the type who wants to be showered with affection, nor am I the type who constantly wants a guy around her. I like the company of my male friends, but I need my space, too. This has turned out to be a bit of a problem. Most of the guys I attract tend to be the type who want to shower me with romance and if I even mention I need something, they jump and run to go find it. I don't want that. I'm independent for a reason. I'm not saying romance doesn't have its place, I just want to be well into a relationship before all that lovey-dovey mess starts. I want my guy to give me space, and I want him to want it visa-versa. I'm with him b/c I want to be, but I certainly don't need to be with him. There are times, yes, that I need a shoulder to cry on or someone to cuddle with, but those times aren't often. I don't know, I seem to be the weird one out of my friends anyway, so maybe I am way out of the norm here.
I have this problem too... I am independent, strong, and I don't like to be viewed as otherwise. It's really hard for me to depend on my man for everything, even when he thinks it's stuff he should be taking care of.
On the other hand, I like him to take care of some things every once in a while, just like I occasionally like to pick things up for him too. I like when he does cute, very small things, like pay for my bus tickets on days I get off work before him (we work together, and I'm a college student in NYC so I don't have a car). It's only two dollars, but it always makes me smile. And when I leave for lunch and he asks me to grab him something, I take satisfaction in handing over my debit card instead of his.
He's used to 'princesses' so he's not always sure how to handle me. I'm used to d-bags, so I'm not used to having to say no to him paying all the time instead of asking for him to pay sometimes. It's a nice balance.
Overall, I still would prefer to be independent anyday -- showering me with kisses and 'I love you' and blah blah just makes me want to cut off my phone, turn off my aim, and ignore you for a few days.
I think they want a woman who is a bit of both: a princess who can hold her own.
Men, like women, want to feel needed, but they don't want to feel like they're 24/7 duty is to rescue the girl from ogres. It gets old.
As a woman, I think Keira Knightley's character in the Pirates movies had it about right: She could stand up for herself, she knew how to get what she wanted, there was no messing with her, but she still had a dashing, daring man who was willing to go great lengths to rescue her.
I see myself as a princess who can get my hands dirty. I want the right guy to think I am worth rescuing, and if I did get kidnapped by a dragon and locked in a tower, it would be nice to know he'd think it was worth it to come over and kick some dragon ass for me, but you'd better believe I'd give the dragon hell rather than sitting nicely in my pretty pink dress and waiting to be rescued.
Actually, I think some guys will find a damsel in distress an easy lay...but not a soul mate to spend the rest of his life with. Haha. IDK. Just my two cents!
I think I'd prefer a guy who would let me be independent, haha. I live my life my way!
The type that want you , but DON'T NEED YOU!
they still want girls to show they care tho =} and..how about a mixture of both? it sounds nice. cuhs doing the same thing over and over and over again is BORING.. a little romance isn't bad
I think it's about give and take. I am an independent woman and proud of it. But i understand that sometimes independence can come off as not wanting a man rather than just the simple I don't need a man. Though I don't need a man to take care of me, it's nice to have a man who can appreciate my independence while also doing things for me just because. While it's nice to say that you are self-sufficient, sometimes it is just as nice to have someone who wants to do things for you.
I've been told that men like being able to "rescue" a woman every now and then, but I can imagine that it would get old...
I think most guys want to know that they're needed, but not clung to. I am an independent woman, I have always been, but I enjoy it when my guy pampers me. It makes me realize that I don't always have to do things by myself.
You know, people say that girls go for guys like their fathers. I have seen this theory proven true too many times to deny it. So, if you think about it, the 'boyfriend' is expected in certain ways to 'protect' the girl, but also to encourage and support the girl in what they do. I feel that that's true.
I still want a guy to treat me like a princess.....then Ill become his queen. Yaya.
I want ALL THAT fairy tale stuff..but to me...its real life.
You mentioned "including subway fares!" like its a bad thing. I see it as....thats so small he can pay for it. I wont pull out my wallet unless Im buying something nice (for us/him) I think guys should pay for everything almost all the time.
Do you think princesses are clingy? If anything like a folklore....dont they dismiss people when they're tired of them?
you speak of men (and women) as if they are one individual with a single thought
I've always been very independent and never needed a guy for anything. But on the flip side I would enjoy someone for once spoiling me, I have never recieved flowers or candy from a guy, maybe I don't come off as the helpless princess type. But it would be nice, not all the time, but once in awhile for my boyfriend to show me that he think's I'm special. Just wishful thinking, but I definately would not want to be smothered in gifts or feel like he needs to take care of everything for me.
I personally don't think it's such a bad thing for men to feel the need to provide. I think it's perfectly healthy for men to feel fulfilled in that role. It makes them feel like a man if they know they can take care of someone else in that way, just like it makes a woman feel good if she can care for her man in other ways.
It's not backwards or chauvinistic, it's a healthy, balanced relationship.
Granted, it can get out of hand (we only want so much chocolate!), but so can a woman's "independence", which can turn into ball-busting idiocy. Sorry. Personal tangent.
I would LOVE to have the opportunity to stay at home with my future children while my future husband provides for us. I don't think that's so wrong. I also would love to have the opportunity to have a career, should I want it. Nothing wrong with that either!
I enjoy it when my boyfriend gets me something very thoughtful (even if it does not cost a dime) but I do get frustrated with him when he does not respect my space. I have work and school to go to. I can take care of myself and yet sometimes he does not enjoy me doing so. I guess it all really depends on the situation. Sometimes I enjoy being the Rapunzel. Other times, I'd rather take care of myself and my own life. (:
I personally LOATHE being a damsel-in-distress.I find it degrading to a certain extent. Don't get me wrong--flowers and chocolate are heavenly--but you'll never catch me waiting in my ivory tower to be rescued. No, I'll probably be climbing down to meet the prince halfway. No wait, I change my mind--I will be the prince!
Nevertheless, forgetting my birthday, being too busy all the time, blowing me off frequently to hang out at Hooters with the boys--all of these are criminal offenses! At least, in a relationship.
Now I'm single, and I actually like it. Sure I"m waiting on love, but it will happen when it happens. In the meantime, I'm helping myself :)
i want to be an independent woman, but i would still want to be treated like a princess and of course i would treat him like a prince as well
I want a man that is truly my equal, who is willing to compromise and have a give and take relationship. I want him to respect that I am a strong woman, that I can pump my own gas and check my oil and fix a toilet, etc. I want him to respect my desire to have a career. I want him to be man enough to let me take care of him when I feel like it, because I enjoy taking care of people. But I also enjoy being taken care of. It depends on the day and what's going on. I believe men should pay for the first date, but after that I don't want him to feel like less of a man if I pick up the check. Why should he have to go broke on me? I don't need rescuing. I don't need to be taken care of. I just want a man that can exist beside me as a great addition to my life, not as my life's completion.