This is a guest blog submitted by FlyLikeABird08.Why is it that love is discriminated against? Why is it that two people of the same sex are forbidden from marrying each other or discriminated against for loving each other? Why is love so bad? The difference between heterosexual couples and homosexual couples is gender alone. So why are we so looked down upon if all we are doing is wanting to have the same love and experiences everyone else is having?
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my mom has reminded me not to mention to my oblivious family that I am gay and in a relationship with the girl of my dreams. Why you ask? Because it will embarrass my parents in front of my family to have a daughter that is "wicked" and "disgusting". Wicked is such a strong and false term, especially when there is actual evil in the world that does not consist of any love. Wicked is someone who rapes a child or commits murder, not someone who is swept off her feet by someone of the same sex. What my parents do not know is that half of the family already knows and embraces me. And what my parents do not know are the scars and shields they are forming over my heart so that all of their words are deflected and brushed off with a blank gaze and emotionless face.
Holidays are always fun with my extended family (hint: sarcasm) because they always ask if there's a special man in my life and why they never hear about my love life. I always reply (and was told to reply) that I'm focused on school and do not have time to date.
You would think after years of hearing this same, robotic response, that they would become a little bit curious and suspicious. My cousin, who knows the truth, always muffles a laugh every time I have to go through this lie with my family because she finds it hilarious. I, on the other hand, find it tiring but still a little funny.
If I can't make my parents happy by dating who they want me to date, I figured I could at least meet them halfway and lie to my extended family until they are ready to accept me first. After all, I only told my parents that I was gay a little over a year ago. That was an experience I'm glad I never have to repeat. The stress and fear alone aged me ten years!
Back to my original point, though...why is it wrong for two people to care for each other? Gay couples in serious relationships form a special and unbreakable bond with each other - stronger than others because of the hardships from family, strangers and friends that they are subjected to every day plus the hardships they face with each other. My lovely lady and I have already been through so much drama, and I care for her deeply and do not care what my parents think. I want them to support me, but I'm not going to let it cripple my heart or change who I am. I dance to the beat of my own music, which I have mentioned before, and I'm happy with who I am.
I have someone who cares for me and my mom is unsettled and disappointed that I'm in a relationship with another girl. You would think she would be happy that I found someone...
whose voice is all I want to hear.
whose voice is comforting and makes me feel special and safe.
whose arms is where I want to be all the time.
whose arms keeps me warm and safe.
who listens to every word I say.
who shows she cares every moment of the day.
who makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside
who makes me feel good about myself.
who makes me laugh and smile.
who makes me feel like I'm someone important.
How do you explain your current dating situation to your extended family? Do you have any suggestions for me on how to survive this Thanksgiving?
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Comments (95)
One easy path; just don't talk to your relatives about your love life haha. That's what I do with my relatives to avoid the awkwardness that would sure to follow, especially with certain relatives of mine that aren't quite as open about dating. For example, my aunt doesn't think I (or anyone else really) should start dating until after college. She also doesn't think I should date outside my race, so when I had a g/f that happened to be white I made sure to avoid the subject around her
Maybe you should let your relatives know once you have a gut feeling that they're ready to know and be willing to listen to you. If they are more accepting of your sexuality, then perhaps they would be willing to help you change your parents' minds, too.
you have no idea how i connect to this. my [somewhat] girlfriend's mom told her that she can't tell anyone that shes currently staying with for the holidays that shes gay because it will arouse "drama." and she gets really upset because she thinks her family wont love her anymore if she admits shes gay.
i, on the other hand, have a grandfather who calls me around the holidays always asking if i have a new boyfriend. and...its like you can just taste how unaccepting theyll be of you if you tell them. the old fashion grandparents and boy-crazed cousins wholl just look at you in complete and utter awkward silence.
another thing i hate about unaccepting family members is that they tell you homosexuality is a phase. -.-
well u could just tell them and get over it once and for all.... they might not even ask anymore..coz for some people its an awkward subject..but bad side is ur parents might be furious!!!
or try not to talk about it... =)
I can only hope that when your entire family finally finds out they will accept you for who you are, a person in love. when they see how happy you are, how happy she makes you, they should be happy too. good luck, have a happy thanksgiving regardless
that sucks about your family, but i am so happy you found someone and you're with them, i'm jealous actually haha Good luck hun!!
I wish holidays with the family ended like one of the episodes of "Raising the Bar." One of the guys had been hiding the fact that he was gay from all of his co-workers and at the end of the episode they were all sitting at the bar and he blurts out, "I'm gay." They all looked at each other and toasted him. Acceptance. Tolerance. We could all learn a lesson about that.
i wish so much that society could just be accepting of gays. it drives me crazy to know that so many people are against two people of the same sex loving each other. i don't see why they have an issue with it! stories like yours make me want to cry.
It's not Thanksgiving without awkward family tension. ;)
I feel so bad that your family cannot understand your situation right now. Currently I have a Brother, my father's son and a Sister my mother's daughter who are gay/lesbian respectively. Both my mother/father also have/had a lesbian/gay brother/sister. HOWEVER they are completely blind to their own children's situation. It makes me so sad that my parents aren't open. At least I know their intolerance and ignorance ends in that generation of my family.
As far as thanksgiving, it's really not as big of a deal as X-mas is. And when it comes to relationships I always say I'm "Single" even though I've been not so seriously dating someone. Makes things simple.
Don't bring it up. Easy.
I think you should go the route of not giving a fuck. You LOVE someone. WHY should you hide it? It isnt fair. Its your love life doesnt exist half of the time.
Does your family suspect it?
My cousin is gay...and my family is completely "oblivious" to him being gay (sarcasm.)
Long story short, my family knows that he's gay. He thinks that they don't know...but they do. And family being family, they'll always be here for you. Although, they may say a lot of things...depending if it's good or bad...you'd be the subject of the conversation. Or at least, that's the case for my cousin. I find my mom, aunts, and uncles talking about him being gay once in awhile...
Although, my family is Asian, so they are a bit more traditional and not so open-minded when it comes to gay couples dating. So, they'd reference euphemisms to anything that associates with my cousin being gay...so it's a bit cruel. :/
Er, good luck with your family. Let time take it's course. I think there's a certain amount of time you should let pass before telling your extended family. It's a good thing that your parents didn't disown you or anything. If it cripples your heart...talk to your mom about how she's making you feel.
...don't say your relationship is stronger than others because people don't accept it... there are plenty of other relationships between straight people that aren't accepted either.
Although I'm straight, I have had situations that my guardian (parents died) told me to lie about.
Instead of lying like she wanted. I came out with it. The only reason your parents want you to lie is because of their own selfish reasons. You shouldn't let that effect who you are. Let them understand what it means to you to be yourself and maybe they'll finally accept it.
If they don't, well do it anyway. They'll forgive you, if they don't? They are just 2 people in this big wide world who don't understand.
wow that situation is so like mine but with me it's like my whole family is trying to set me up with a guy but i found someone and there like perfect for me. i mean whys it wrong when you find someone who means everything to you and you mean everything to them why does gender matter. what if no on ever said oh thats a boy and thats a girl. what would happen if no on named everyone different things and there was no way to determine sex. that would be the world i'd want. i want a world where a homosexual couple could walk around and people would be like how cute the same way they are with heterosexual couples.
i feel your pain all too well.
christmas with the girl of my dreams at the risk of losing all familial support, or stop seeing her so mommy and daddy will keep paying for my school.
it hurts, and there's no easy solution.
i wish you a more accepting family than my own, and of course luck in the future.
well, its sad to say this, but my aunt is a lesbian, and hardly any of my family embraces her as much as they should...so she stopped comming to family events...and I miss her. I have my own beliefs on sodomy, like everyone does...but its no reason to treat others differently.
I am a child of christianity, and I was not taught to hate homosexuality. Sodomy is considered a sin, but in the eyes of god, apparently, are all equal, and lord...im no angel. God would not want his children, weither they believe in him or not, to be ununited. Even though sometimes, it may seem awkward to me...its probably because im as straight as ...well, straight can be. But Im pretty much sure the same can be said from the other side ;)
You shouldnt have to lie about something that is you. If you are doing that for your parents, you must remind them of that. Do they expect you to remain a secret forever, or do they believe its a phase?
i'm sorry that you have to deal with this bs. after prop 8 was passed, i wrote an entry in a bout of fury about how much i hate intolerance. i think that part of being out of the closet is having the courage to admit to your extended family that you're a lesbian. by no means am i saying it will be easy, but i really do believe it will be the best option for your sanity and your own development as an individual. then again, i don't really know, cause it's not an issue i've had to deal with personally.
@Bits_of_Pieces@xanga - "The only reason your parents want you to lie is because of their own selfish reasons. You shouldn't let that effect who you are. Let them understand what it means to you to be yourself and maybe they'll finally accept it."
this is probably my favorite remark thus far, because it's totally true.
dont lie for your parents.
do what's right :] soon not later your family's gotta know about this eh.
At least your family hasn't shunned you. Â Things could be worse.
that is a really unfortunate situation. i have come out to my parents and luckily they accept me for who i am. however, i have not come out to grandparents or most people in my extended family, mostly because i haven't dated anyone very serious.
i don't have any advice, but good luck and i hope things better than you expect them to