This is a guest blog submitted by toliebolie.I think I'm totally crushing. On two guys.
There's one guy who's in my grade. His name is Dave. He's in my AP English class and he's sort of a nerd. But I like nerdy guys. He plays the drums in the marching band and the piano in orchestra - he's amazing at the piano. We debate all the time and he can make me laugh. But I've heard some rumors about how he's sort of possessive, which makes me a little hesitant. I like him but I don't know if I
like him like him.
Then there's Zac. He's smart too, but in a cool way. He plays trumpet in the band and violin, like me, in orchestra. He's on the swim team with me and one of my really good friends, but he would never see me as more than a friend. And I don't want to ruin our friendship.
I need help. I like them both but I know I have to decide. I don't like stringing them along. Help?
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Comments (53)
When you can make no decision, make none at all.
go with whichever treats you better.
Don't listen to rumors. Try it out. If your good friend will never see you as more than a friend, then maybe you should give the pianist a shot first.
Firstly, don't go by rumors. People say he is possessive--does that imply that you know him less well than the people who talk about him behind his back? You have to decide for yourself whether he seems one way or another.
Second, what you should decide on is whether a declaration of feelings would absolutely ruin the friendship, and whether it's worth going for it based on that possible outcome. Are you and Zac such good friends that you couldn't bear to lose him if he rejected your feelings? The same question applies to Dave. And keep in mind that even if the other person doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't have to spoil the friendship if you don't let it. Most of all you just have to go with your gut instinct. You probably get a better vibe from one over the other, even if you couldn't say why. Go with that feeling. It's probably right.Wait a little longer to see if something about their personality from your own observations, not others', can help you make a decision. I noticed you didn't post a whole lot on their inner personalities but wrote more about their hobbies. Though they may be in orchestra or swim team or whatnot, those things don't make nearly as much difference as their personalities do. After more observation of their personalities you should be able to make a decision more easily.
Go for the first one.
The first one sounds the best,
because you said the Zac would
never look at you more than a friend.
Don't do the stupid move and mess
up friendship. Because though you
don' think it will mess up, : / It usually does.
Unless you know the rumor is definitely true, I think you should give the first guy a chance.
@bluetrashcan@xanga - Ditto that. If neither of them is amazing enough to make you forget about the other one, then....neither is the right one.
Try out with both.
Though I can say from experience that dating a friend is not a hot idea. It was way too awkward since we've been friends for so long. It might be different for you though. xD
Lucks ~
neither. Find out if one of them has a brother. lol
I don't really see it as a decision if your friend will never see you more than a friend.
well honestly, if the second one couldnt see you more than a friends...how are you stringing him along?
How are you stringing them along when neither one knows about it? Sounds to me like you dont have strong enough feelings for either one to make a move on him. If you know your friend cant see you as a girlfriend, then move on....no point wasting your brain power on the idea of being more. The first guy? If you REALLY like him, then try it.....if not, it's not meant to be.
Whenever I have to choose between two things, I just pick a third. Problem solved. Or, I don't know, maybe see which one likes you back. That might make a difference somewhere down the line.
Often, rumors are started to tarnish someone's reputation and are based on little fact.
And I hate when people use "I dont want to ruin a friendship" as an excuse. If they're really your friend, they'll remain your friend. If they stop being your friend for that reason, then they're just a shallow person.
I had this problem alot in high school and college. All I can see is mention your feeling in passing and see how either responds. For example, say you're hanging out and you maybe in a joking tone ask them "would you date a girl like me?" And if their answer is negitive, just play it off. If its positive, ride with it.
But spend more time around the guys and get to know how they really are. Sometimes people make their choices way too soon and end up unhappy and missing out in the better option. Just ride it out and see where life takes you.
You're young, you've got plenty of guys and time to live through.
I've had plenty of the second guy situation in my life. My first huge crush in college was exactly like that. I think what you should do is just go with the flow on both of them. Don't make drastic moves unless they are appropriate. If you aren't sure about the first guy, just wait it out and see what he ends up like once you get to know him more. Good luck! :D
I like Dave. Go for him.
Go with Zac! Whoever says not to date your friend because it will ruin the friendship is lying. The only three guys I've ever been in love with--truly, madly, deeply in love--were originally my best friends. Like you, I didn't want to "ruin the friendship." But after a while, I just couldn't resist them. I just went for it. And those three relationships ended up being the best I've ever had. Think about it: you already know and like Zac a lot, which removes a lot of the trouble from starting a new relationship. You'll just sort of fall into it without feeling like you're in an actual "relationship." Plus, if/when you do break up (not like you need to be thinking about that now!), it might take some time, but after a while, if you were good friends to begin with, you'll most likely be able to be friends afterwards, too. I'm still great friends with two of my guys, and am still happily together with the third after two years! Don't think, just listen to your heart and do it!
middle school..much? LOL.
first guy
Well, have either guy definitely shown interest in you? If your friend hasn't at all, I wouldn't even bother. Not to be harsh - but like other people are saying, it sooo affects the friendship at first. Maybe after awhile it'd go back to normal, but it would be awkward for awhile.
If the first guy is showing more interest..give him a shot. It's not the end of the world if neither end well; you'll learn from them at the least, you know?
Good luck !
Do you have to date either one? It sounds like you think of both as just a friend. If I were you, I would just keep them as friends. At least for now. If later on, you decide that you're romantically interested in one of them, then you can pursue it from there.
i also think you should stick with being friends for now. i'm kind of in the same situation and although it's hard for me to stop flirting with them, i try to keep it toned down because i know i don't know what i want... see how it plays out. if you really start liking one over the other, then go for that (:
You already answered your own question. Dave!
i say the first guy. since the other guy doesnt see you as anything more than a friend.
or idk. try getting with the one you like more but you gotta get over the other guy first.
guys dont like it when you are dating them and like someone else.