Sunday, 23 November 2008
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Dating with An Age Difference - How Old Is Too Old?
This is a guest blogs submitted by sweeetstache. One of the funniest things my ex boyfriend ever said was, "College guys shouldn't date girls who are sophomores and under."
Funny, he was just about to turn nineteen and enter his sophomore year of college. He asked me out when I was only fifteen and about to enter my sophomore year of high school. So much for his declaration... I guess the rules bend for him.
Anyway, I often find myself liking guys who are three, at most four years, older than me. It's not like I lurk college campuses surveying every guy of their age and making note of their "dateability," and it's not like every instance lands me interested in a guy four years my senior. It just happens sometimes, probably out of a general attraction for guys who are more mature.So, before I entered that relationship with my almost-nineteen-year-old ex, I didn't exactly regard age to be "just a number". I believed that there were age differences too vast between two people in order for a relationship to work out. But after dating him, my opinion changed; it wasn't quite because I was enlightened, but more because I was in a relationship where I thought the age difference wasn't compatible. (Four years isn't such a difference when you're twenty, but it matters a lot more to me now… cough cough, jailbait)
If you thought I was bad, I'm just the tip of the iceberg - my friend, who is sixteen, went out with someone who was 22. Her friend was dating a 23-year-old guy when she was sixteen. Is seven years of disparity too much for you?So, how old is too old? When does age matter, or does it matter at all? Should teens be dating adults?
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Comments (377)
I've heard worse. One of my friends who was 17-18 at the time, dated a guy who was just entering his thirties. To some people it doesn't matter, but to me it does.
I have a five age limit, I'm only 19 and I think that a guy who's older than me by five years is pushing it. One of the biggest reason is maturity level. Even thought a mature man is a plus, I'm still pretty young and still have the urge to run wild while his would be a lot less. He has turned 21 and had his fun going crazy over it, I'm still not in that point in my life.
Teens should NOT date adults.
My general policy is: if you are a teen, then you should never date someone who is more than 3 years older. This "never" can be bent if you (and your family!) have known the person for more than three years before you start dating.
Once everyone gets older (20 or so), age doesn't matter too much. I'll still get squicked out if I see a 60-year-old with a 20-year-old. But generally, I recognize that they're both adults, and it's unlikely that they're getting taken advantage of unfairly (as I KNOW happens with 16-year-old girls who are being preyed upon by 23-year-old guys.)
Don't say I'm just old and have forgotten what it's like. I'm 19.
Ah. Well. I'm seven years older than my husband. I am 20. He's 27. We started dating when he first turned 19 (he'll be 21 next month). I never imagined he was only 19 and he never thought I was my age. We fit perfectly together. I can't imagine being with anyone. He's my soulmate.
Teens shouldn't be dating people more than about 2 years older than them, most of the time. The older you get, the less age difference matters, because when you're in your teens and early 20s, you're going through so many life changes that the difference between a 21 year old and a 16 year old is huge, whereas the difference between a 25 year old and a 30 year old is still noticeable, but not nearly so vast, and the difference between a 50 year old and a 55 year old really isn't much at all.
my boyfriend is a junior in college while i'm a junior in highschool, when he turns 21, i'll be 16. We dated for 15 months, age does matter at some points. People are so coocoo for coco puff that they freak out with the difference. But it feels nice to have someone that old to be with, he is mature and he is serious. I don't want a highschool guy who just jokes around about stupid things. I mean even though my boy is in college, he doesn't party or drink as much because he is either working or studying or spending time with me. :] I mean in the end, it doesn't matter about the age...it matters about how compatible the two people are.
word? :D
I do think it's a little weird, especially given the plethora of college girls. Maybe all the sluts got to him, and he was sick of them, wanting someone a little more innocent and loyal.
I could understand that. Sometimes, I hate to admit it but I have a thing for younger guys ... I guess I'm a pedophile, haha, since I'm 20. But I've had that since I was 17! So iono. But whatever. I have a 19 year old boyfriend I'm content with. =)
i think when u get older age does not really matter much ..so..
I think it matters when you have different goals in life, and when one is a highschool teenager, and the other is in college+, then your lives are too different to be compatible. When you both are a lot older, of course, it doesn't matter too much, but when you are younger... WATCH OUT !
I had a 13-year old cousin who was dating someone a lot older (somewhere from 19-21), and you know... girls don't think about these kinds of things, but when you're an older guy, they basically just want sex. -_____- HUGE difference.
According to the young lady I had a crush on 22 years were too many
. But seriously, the actual ages are more important than the relative ones. A 25 year old dating a 35 year old shouldn't be an issue but that same 25 year old dating a 15 year old is a big problem even though the two age differences are both 10 years. I agree with the comment that adults should not be dating teens, period. But telling them that is a fools errand since nobody that age is going to listen anyway, it's one of those things you have to find out for yourself.
I stick by my post a few weeks ago that people should avoid doing anything irreversable before they are 25.
@s_h_a_sha@xanga - agree, when you get towards the end of your twenties and older age gaps can be bigger w/o it being a problem. Younger than that age gaps definitely has an effect. Of course, different people can be mature at w/e age, so you gotta take that in account as well as age, although generally the older you are the more mature you become.
For me, I prefer dating someone within 2-3 years of my age (I'm 22 now). I might consider dating someone who's 18, but they better be really mature for their age.
@MaganLe@xanga - totally agree
Highschool : pretty much your goal is just to graduate*
Some may* want to continue their education by getting into Uni / College
College: was just basically studying your butt off so you can get into the career you want
With such different goals, and time schedule its pretty hard to accommodate and find time for one another
Unless of course they dont care about school*
Older guys - yeah they just want to have sex
Like seriously what does a 15 years old and let say a 20 years old COULD POSSIBLY have in common ?
the age gap becomes less of a big deal later in life, when both people have become mature adults. a teen and an adult... the gap can be a very big deal, just like child and a teen would be seen as weird.
I think it matters on how old the youngest person involved is. I'm 20, but I would never date someone 10 years older then me. Maybe 5 though. While when I was 15, I would never date someone who was older then me. Plus while I was 15 I dated a guy who nearly 13... akward! It only lasted a day and we never actually got through the first date. But I've noticed that as we get older the whole age thing doesn't even matter.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - I agree with this!
Meh, teens and adults dating is just a bad idea in general. Other than breaking a few obvious laws if you become intimate and get caught, what does a 15 year old really have in common with someone who is 20, 23, 27, etc? High school and college (and beyond) are two completely different worlds.
Age difference is a much smaller thing when you're both legal adults.
When I was 17, I dated a 25 year old guy ><. Suffice it to say, the age difference totally owned us. Well, it didn't really matter to him because he was just playing around with me. He chose to not think about the age difference since he wasn't that serious about me anyway.
But the thing was, I was serious about him. So when problems surfaced, I knew it was all due to our age difference. Then I realized that it wouldn't work, because on top of the difference, we were leading two separate lives. So then we broke up.
Those who say "age is just a number" is dead wrong. Different levels of maturity come into play. If you're really young, you don't have much life experience, so if you're dating someone older, the compatibility is very limited.
I'm a sophomore in college and my boyfriend is in graduate school - he's five years older and we feel no difference at all. It really depends on maturity level.
Age is only a number, true. I think what matters most is the place you are both in in your lives. Someone 10 yrs older is going to be in a different place than someone 10 yrs younger. But if you are both mature and looking for the same things in life and are on the same track, then go for it!
follow the "half your age plus 7" rule. :)
age of younger individual >/= (age of older individual/2) + 7
i think that's pretty reasonable.
personally I don't think age should matter. It's just a number, I mean if you don't tell and you don't ask can you really tell if someone is 1x or 2x or early 3x? (I won't say 4x since by then you SHOULD be able to tell)
See it's not WRONG to like someone who is younger it's just wrong if you like them jut to do something with them. "Love" is blind so age shouldn't be a factor. period.
What is a problem is society, they frown upon you if you date someone or get in a relationship with someone X years younger than you. But seriously if you like that person why the HELL do you care about what anyone or what society has to say about you?
To them I say, hop the ef off. =D
I think as you get older, age isn't really an issue. Sure when you are young like 15 and you're with a 19 year old, it will seem like a bigger difference than say an 19 with a 23 year old.
I think the expectations in the relationship plays a bigger role than age.
Never date anyone closer to your kid's age than your own. I had a kid at 16. My daughter is 18. Since I went back to school, the dating pool is closer to my daughter's age mostly. I might consider someone 7 years younger, but any younger than that would just be too much to over come for me personally. I have lots of younger guy friends but that's as far as it goes.
If you're in high school and you date someone in college, yes.... there is a huge difference.. maturity wise, too.. you are just at different periods in your lives.
I'm 24 and my bf is 21... not that huge of an age difference. We have talked about it before.. age does not matter to us. To us, age is just a number. My great grandparents had 20 years between them.. she is 75 and he was 95. Crazines, but true.. they made things work. I have also seen where age can be a problem- I know friends of friends who were 17 and 31.. that did not work out.
So I've seen examples of both... to me it really depends on the couple and what you both want.
If it works out, then it works out and if the age difference doesn't impair the relationship, I don't see what the problem is. Hahaha maybe except, jail bait.
I don't even know how 15 year olds even go out with 23 year olds. How did they even meet? Why can't that 23 year old find someone his or her own age? Just curious.
I'm 19 - my husband is 25. We've been together since I was 16; he was 23.
I believe as long as the younger person is mature enough to be in a relationship and realize the challenges of being with an older person (i.e- before we got married, I was unable to do a lot of things with my husband because of my age) then I think that makes it okay.
theres ten years between me and my man. Im 19 hes 29. The difference isnt noticed and we do have a lot in common, although there are still some difference. Not everything should be the same, otherwise are you not just dating a version of the opposite sex which is similar to yourself? x