This is a guest blog submitted by myconfessions_hopefullromantic.What happened to
just make yourself available, and if he's interested, he'll make a move? That's a dating myth if I've ever heard one.
Tonight my friend Stephanie and I decided to head to Starbucks for some coffee and face time with Steve, The Starbucks Guy. We approached the register; he smiled and said hello. After some coffee related conversation, we placed our orders and he calculated the total: "$3.40". That was the price of Steph's drink alone - he gave me mine for free. I thanked him with a flirtatious smile and tipped him.
We stepped away from the counter and waited for our drinks, and I turned to her and asked, "So, what do you think? What's your read?"
"I don't know. I mean...he gave you a discount, so obviously... But... I can't tell..."
It reminded me of that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie gets Miranda to listen to a message from Mr. Big to see if he's meeting her for a date or just a "drink thing", and neither of them can read him.
We watched him interact with other customers but couldn't decide whether or not he was being friendlier with me than the rest.
While the manager was making our drinks, Steve came over and flirted a bit while he put more whipped cream on Steph's mocha. At one point, the boss scolded him for adding extra chocolate shavings. After that, there was no contact.
I'm incredibly confused. Clearly he is interested, or at least attracted to me. Last semester he gave me a free latte with "You're Gorgeous" written on the cup in big, bold, black Sharpie. And this is the second time he's discounted my drink. But I don't understand... why make the gesture if you're not going to follow through? Why not chat me up a bit? Maybe even be so bold as to ask my number, right?
I couldn't have misread the signs. I'd made it easy on him. Someone please explain to me, why, after having thrown myself out there, the guy can't meet me halfway?
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Comments (51)
Hmm, it sounds like you're thinking too much into it.
He's just flirting - if he had the balls to write you're gourgeous on your cup then he'd def have the balls to just ask you out if he wanted to. Just because a guy shows interest doesn't mean he'll always follow through. If every single guy who's ever given me a free drink or shown interest asked me out, I'd have too many dates.
Chill out, you'll eventually meet someone who'll show you the true meaning of initiative.
:)
From what I've read, it seems like he's definitely into you and he has actually done most of the courting. Maybe he feels like he already made the first big move and is waiting for you to do the next. I would suggest just going for it and ask him out on a date or give him your number. Idk about anyone else, but to me it seems he has more than met you halfway. It's your turn to step up to the plate.
He might be wondering if you actually are interested in him. I mean, tipping him might just be an act of kindness for him discounting you. You did just save such and such money so why not a little tip. I suggest asking for his number.
He is the one working, and while it is ok to flirt with customers, it is another thing to ask them out. Give him your number.
Oh my God...this is exactly my issue. There is this guy who, I think at least, is interested. He is showing all the signs of interest and we do flirt and all that...but he has yet to even ask for my number. Hello?!? I think I have shown him enough signs...shouldnt he get it by now? This makes me think he is not interested.Â
What do you mean halfway? You have to move for there to be a halfway. The way I read it, he's done all the work. He sends cues that he digs you and you're just sitting on your ass drinking coffee waiting for him to do something else. I think you're the one that needs to go halfway, honey. Not dude.
For a guy: "Attracted" doesn't necessarily equal "Interested."
I've had NUMEROUS crushes, as well as flirted somewhat with people who I thought were attractive. Doesn't mean I really considered them "girlfriend material."
No slight on the girls themselves ... Some guys just wait for more than a little attraction before they ask a girl out. Maybe he wants to get to know a little more about you? Don't necessarily give up hope, but don't expect him to start sending roses or anything.
It sounds to me like he is interested, he is just waiting for you to make a move or display some interest in him. Or it could be that he can't ask you out or ask for your number due to some rule about asking customers out. What you described really sounds like him making all the moves and you sitting back doing nothing but watching and second guessing everything he does and frankly that is not the kind of thing that would lead most guys to make any sort of a follow up move.
Accepting a free starbucks is not throwing yourself at him.....I say give him a little time....don't rush it....
Then again....he might just be a big flirt with everyone.....
It sounds like he's into you and I think I can explain why he's not doing more--
If the only time you've seen him is when he's at work, he's probably doing all he can without breaking the barriers of professionalism. Where I used to work we were not allowed to give out free stuff under any circumstances, not even purchase it ourselves to give to someone else. I'm not sure what Starbucks's policy is on that.
How about you make a move next time? Ask to hang out sometime when he's not working.
@desertrose2890@xanga - This used to be the story of my life. No joke. After my friends started telling me to just give guys my number or to make the next move, I would but then they'd back off and I wouldn't know why. It drove me crazy because it was like "why are you acting like you're interested if you're not?"
Recent examples I've had:
*a guy who flirted with me at a video store and suggested we should go out for drinks sometime. I gave him my number, and called him about 2 days later to set a time and day to get bubble tea. Long story short he stood me up with the excuse "something came up".
*a guy at my bank who kept flirting with me, so I asked him out but then he backed off...
I came to the realization that if a guy is really interested, you shouldn't have any questions at all about whether he is or not. I know it sounds weird and maybe even sexist to say "sit back and let him make that first move" but it's something that I've realized is true for me at the very least.
I'm only speaking from personal experience though because I used to be the girl to ask guys out and get their numbers but when I stopped doing that, I actually got asked out much more and became more successful with my love life.
P.S: not all guys are the same. It's just that I have male friends, two in particular who are 20 and 21 who have NEVER had girlfriends. Ever. But you know what? They still let the girls they're intetrested in know how they feel. They get rejected though. I don't know why because they're both so cute and nice. I asked out one of them and he turned me down :(
@Lynn1013@xanga - I have a friend who's a barista at a starbucks in downtown chicago off the mag mile. His current boyfriend was a customer he asked out.
He probably can't do anything because he's at work. You should ask him when he has a break, or plan to meet him when his shift is over. Maybe even asking him if he's on facebook. I know a lot of places don't allow their employees to ask customers on dates and such. Plus, it doesn't seem like you are giving him strong enough signals. Perhaps you should write him a note with the tip one day or something.
thanks for subscribing.
xo.
Dude, he is the one telling you your gorgreous. Write your number on a napkin or something, give the guy a break. Expecially if he is at work and getting scolded by his manager for doing something for YOU. Meet HIM half way. He probably could get fired for asking you out, and if youve been going there for a year and he hasnt been charging you, telling you your gorgeous and flirting the most curious of ways...he is probably wondering why YOU havent done anything. Maybee he doesnt want to get rejected.
@Moktral@xanga - I'm totally with you on this one.Â
this happened to me too at pinkberry! we flirted an talked a lot till I pun out where he's from, what he's doing for college and all. we even became myspace friends! I was like u that time. and yet, he never asked for my number, so I figured he was just in for the flirting. it's such a shame coZ he was cute too! nwaay, he might still be interested though but just don't expect too much. just go with the flow, if anything maybe u should make a move?? =]
ive worked as a barista at starbucks for 3 years. its not uncommon that we give valued, likeable customers free drinks "just because". however ive never wrote "you're gorgeous" on someones cup before. either hes pretty interested in YOU and not just to come back to buy drinks, since you're getting it for free. hitting on a customer is somewhat forbidden, especially if you're still behind the counter.
maybe you should roll around when he gets off and see how he acts without his manager hovering over him.
give him a break, slid him your number or mention a activity you'd like to go to and see if you bites. like "did you hear that there is going to be a concert this weekend on campus?"
Maybe he can't ask you out while he's at work. Why don't you ask him what else he likes to do in his spare time. Try and see if you can be around him while he's not working.
Next time, write your name and number on a cardboard coffee collar thingy and give it to him. If he calls, he's interested. If he's not, he won't. And then you'll know.
Chances are, he'll call.
-Katie
@CrazyMai07@xanga - See that's my issue with that as well. As much as I want to make a move and see if he is actually interested in me, I just can not do it. I really do believe in that old-fashioned notion that men should make the first move. And the fact that he is not making any overt moves, outside of flirting just infuriates me. Besides, I am way too scared of rejection to actually ask a guy out. But, in this case, it has been suggested to me by people (both male and female), that I should ask him out to a casual lunch. Hopefully, he wont reject me lol. ;/
@CrazyMai07@xanga - o btw, thank you for the advice. I am taking all of it into consideration because I like this one and I dont want to mess things up with him.Â
@desertrose2890@xanga - I gave advice? Lol, well thanks!Â
Maybe asking him out would work for you though - I'm just saying from personal experience, asking a guy out never ever has for me. Usually they turn out to be flirts and not serious about what they want. Plus when I make the first move after the initial flirting, sometimes I'm stuck being the one t make all the decisions and it's like wtf?
But on the other hand I don't wanna dissuade any from taking risks though just because it doesn't work for me. One size doesn't fit all when it comes to dating tactics, and it's taken me years to find out which size does.
This post and your experience reminds me of some old dating ish articles about finding love at startbucks. Maybe there's comments on these older entries that might give more feedback -->Â
http://weblog.datingish.com/datingish/668314625/who-should-make-the-first-move---guys-or-girls.html
http://weblog.datingish.com/datingish/666411101/dear-dr-datingish-crushing-at-starbucks.html
http://weblog.datingish.com/datingish/671113856/dear-dr-datingish-i-want-to-get-my-customers-number---but-how.html
Perhaps that he was working and couldn't really ask for your phone number due to those laws that restrict you from getting a customer's information.
I was working at the bank and we were not allowed to get the customer's phone number -- even if I thought a guy was really cute.