Friday, 21 November 2008
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BF: "I Want A Threesome Or I'm Done with You"
This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.I have been dating my boyfriend for almost eleven months. When we first started to date, my boyfriend and I talked about if we'd ever had a threesome. I am bisexual, and I have had a threesome in the past. He was also bi-curious and had a threesome with two guys but has never had a threesome with two women.
Because I have had a threesome with another guy in the past, my boyfriend feels I should be able to give him one, too. I have no problem with giving him this fantasy; however, the reasoning behind it bothers me.
Every now and then he gets frustrated with me and says things like, "If this doesn't happen, I won't put any more into the relationship until it does" or "If it doesn't happen this weekend, I'm done". I understand he feels he has to pay for the cow to get the milk and the other guy didn't, but is it normal for a guy to put stipulations on a relationship like this?
Is it normal for him to say something like that, then turn around and apologize?
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Comments (147)
I don't think it's right that he's trying to do that; I mean, if you're willing to do it, then why should he be acting like that? But that's just me. I think that says something about him that he uses that technique to get what he wants.
That's disgusting. Either he likes you for you, for who you are as a person, and he wants to maintain the relationship for that reason, or he's in it for this weird random fantasy. You don't owe it to him, just because you've done it before. And he really shouldn't threaten you. It kind of is a pretty big deal in my book.
Guy sounds like he REALLY wants a threesome.
He seems....demanding? If you're okay with doing those things then its all good but for him to say things like that and act that way is unacceptable. to answer your question with another question, how do you feel when he puts you in this ultimatum?
ultimatum for a threesome eh? demanding it won't make it happen and i don't think he has the right to. leave his ass.
I would have dumped his sorry ass.
I had been talking to a guy at work, and after we got to know each other, we started sleeping together. Word got around work (my big mouth, not his...) and when a guy who had been interested in me before and I start talking and hanging out, at nights on the phone he'd talk to me about sexual things and it didn't feel right to me. Eventually it did, but not at first.
He eventually brought up the fact that I jumped into bed with the other guy so quickly but I hadn't even kissed him yet. I felt really bad...but the mutual and emotional attraction came faster with the other guy.
The reason why I give this background info is because the other threesome you had is probably PRECISELY the reason why he's being like this. I'm not saying it's right, but he's probably wondering what's so wrong with him that you can't help him in his fantasy but you did for another guy. He's insecure. If you're so down for a threesome, what's the hold up? Having trouble finding a third?
hes a douche. even if u did something once it doesnt mean u are expected to do it again
drop his stupid ass
definitely not right of him to give you an ultimatum like that. I wouldn't put up with it
Actually, what's normal in a situation like this is to tell him to grow the fuck up and chill out. Do you want to have a threesome with him and another girl? Do you want to have a threesome with him at all? If the answers to those questions are no, tell him it's not going to happen and if he can't handle it, it's not him that's "done" but you.
You don't have to put up with his middle/high school-like behavior and demands of things that you aren't willing to give. He's going to continue to badger you and demand this from you until you either give in or put your foot down.
he wants a man but needs an excuse. lol
still, he can't say that without the threesome, the relationship will end
Uh-oh. This guy doesnt seem like the right guy for you. It seems to me like he's effectively trying to "legally" cheat on you. It's not worth it. No matter what you may have done in the past, does not give the present the right to demand the same thing. Circumstances, and people change.
As for making it a stipulation on continuing the relationship? That's terrible. Relationships are far more than the physical aspects... it's the emotional ties that bond two people together that are most important.
My advice? Find another guy who will give you the care and attention you deserve without pressurizing you into doing something that you will (most) likely regret afterward.
the past is the past. If the other guy beat would it be okay to? I'd leave him then have a 3some with his best friend and another girl jk but it'd be hella funny
your boyfriend is full of crap.
and spoiled.
don't put up with that nonsense
ultimatum, to the max? he's passed the line. drop his ass.
No, he's using this topic as leverage to get you do to what he wants. Don't stand for it.
@ariella440@xanga - I agree with you!
Guys say the darnest things when they're drunk...
But if he's constantly comparing and wants a threesome with two girl, I think he may be cheating curious...
whoa whoa whoa. time to walk!!! dont let anyone dictate what you SHOULD or SHOULD NOT do in a relationship. that's some bullshit.
@IHearTheOcean@xanga - that would be funny!
that is not normal. i agree with almost everyone, he shouldn't be giving you an ultimatum based on whether or not you will have a threesome. relationships are more than just that and if you don't have it, so what. he's being a jerk. i wouldn't put up with it either.Â
Kick him to the curb. Â You could do SO MUCH BETTER!
someone that demanding needs a reality check. You cant live in sexual fantasty world. Sure, having them is ok, but demanding them for the "health" of your relationship is not. This should not govern your feelings for someone. I would say at this point that he is more interested in the sex, and less interested in intimacy with you, which is a problem. He might see this as his "get out of jail free" card for cheating. "Its not cheating if you're there".
I would have a serious talk with him and lay down your own set of laws. Relationships are two way streets, not freeways.
Don't put up with that. You don't owe anyone ANYTHING sexual, ever. You don't OWE him a threesome. Hell, way more than half the girls out there would NEVER have a threesome with their boyfriend and someone else - it's a common fantasy, but it takes balls (ha, no pun intended) and a peculiar circumstance to do it and for it to go smoothly.
Leave him, or give him your own ultimatum - drop this sexual demand bullshit, or I'm dropping you.