Friday, 21 November 2008
-
Slowing Things Down in Your Relationship
Miss Cheetah
My sister and I stayed in the house this past weekend catching up on our favorite movies. While watching 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," my sister asked me if it were possible for a guy to act the way Kate Hudson's character acted in the film. In other words, could there be guys out there who are very clingy, needy, and emotional when it comes to relationships? I told her definitely.
One of my ex-boyfriends, J, was the most clingy boyfriend I ever had. He called me five times a day and when I didn't answer, he left crazy date and time stamped messages on my phone. That was weird enough, but the weirdest part came one week into our relationship. We'd just gotten back from the movies when he declared his love for me, telling me how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me because we were so in love. He insisted I meet his family and everything. I couldn't even believe what he was saying. I reminded him we'd only been dating a week, but he assured me his love was real. Needless to say, our relationship didn't last.What happens when your SO is moving too fast in the relationship? What do you do?
-
recommend
- recs 2
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (22)
My ex did that. When we started dating, he was only 14 and I was 17 (kinda weird, I know). The day after we began dating, he told me he loved me. I freaked out. But then I re-read some old diary entries and saw that I wrote how much I loved my boyfriends when I was 14. Kind of irrelevant, but I just felt like sharing.
Tell them that they're moving too fast and we need to settle down. It also depends on how far in the relationship, if he told me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of my life with me only after a week, I would probably end the relationship.
hey miss cheetah
on behalf of dudes
sorry about that one guy. :/
-cut
When you take it slow, it's a 99.9% chance it'd be a longer and more lasting relationship.
Taking it fast? You get boring.
yeah, my last bf went too fast in our relationship- i think. so i broke up w/ him & (sadly,) am glad that i did. that's not the only reason i did, but it's 1 reason anyway.
I date guys who are compatible with me, in that regard. If they're not, I'm out.
Thats not even too fast, that is just ridiculous. and pretty much a goodbye. guys that are too clingy i cannot stand. man up. gee.
You're creeping me out - so I'm packing my bags and leaving you before you get any crazier
my boyfriend kinda freaked me out. we met and he asked me to the mall and then we hung out two or three days later. a couple days after that he told me he liked me. i kind of avoided him for a while but then he offered to help me with my hw, and i reallyyyyy needed help so i went over. we were pretty much inseparable after that and like a week or so after he told me he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. we weren't dating then. it was weird but i felt the same way (despite my better judgement) and so i stuck around. glad i did. we've been together for a year and half now and we are trying to work out our life plans in hopes that we can marry eventually. i graduate college next semester and he still has another year. it moved kind of fast, but we both sort of have the mentality that we won't date exclusively unless the relationship has growth potential. If you can't see yourself marrying the other person one day, what's the use of being monogamous with them. Date around and have fun.
there was another guy before him who I was friends with and we also weren't dating but he announced his love for me 2 or 3 weeks after we met. i never dated him, we went through a lot because he loved me for a really long time and it caused a lot of problems in both of our lives, i mean, it's all water under the bridge now but you definitely have to be careful about situations like those. one was kinda hell and the other turned out great.
Wow that guy seems more obsessed than In love. It's funny before me and my boyfriend even started dating he said he loved me. The first time I just was like "ohh yeah ? uh cool" Then the second time [when we were dating] *sigh* I said it back. And Now after 5 months of dating, I can sincerely say that I am indeed In love with him. We keep everything else though at a slow pace. It seems comfortable and we have a nice even flow going.
If your SO is going to fast for you, talk to them. In order for any relationship to be a success you need good communication. Chances are they are just finding all the wrong ways to go about expressing your importance to them. I know it can me smothering and awkward to deal with, so nipping it in the bud is crucial. If the relationship is meant to be, a mutual understanding and agreements on the best pace to take will be right around the corner - with some communication, of course. ;)
Ugh men, they make me sick. I still like them though lol. My bf now we had been dating for like a month and he was started saying that he loved me. I had no idea what to say because I dont love him. It take me a while now considering my hear as been broken up into pieces previously from three other relationships. I felt like he was forcing me to say I love you back. I still feel that way, I say I love you and I dont mean it.
that was like my ex, he was so eager to meet my family and for me to meet his parents shortly after we started dating. i did not want that at the beginning but since he insisted so badly, i agreed at the end. (well i managed to make him wait for a year though. lol) however, it did not turn out really good cause he wasn't well prepared for the time and date. part of the issues between us was his parents. so i have learned my lesson. personally, i really think it's nothing wrong to meet the parents before deciding to get married or at lease commiting to each other.
this is exactly why i broke up with my first bf. too clingy. i tried telling him that but yeah,, too much for me. so i just let him go!
There were three guys I dated (not officially), before my boyfriend and all three of them threw the L-word right away (over phone even, and they would make me say I loved them back and couldn't understand that I just didn't know them well enough to even consider that), and two out of three of them threatened to kill themselves if I missed a call (even though they would have been talking to me just 5 seconds before, telling me they would call back in 30 min). This is why I wasn't interested.
Now my current boyfriend is someone I've been really close friends with since middle school (I guess seven years ago now..?) and we went out on a date within the first week of becoming officially a couple. On that date, he said he didn't want to just toss the words but he loved me and I told him I would love to say the same but I couldn't and he understood and just didn't say it until I could confidently say I was in love with him. And we're still happy together, after many many months.
@breeadork@xanga - I did the same exact thing! lol.
I think if boys come on too strong & clingy too soon.. they've just bought themselves the next ticket out of the relationship. Then there are the ones that don't even get it after the break up.. -___-"
My ex-boyfriend had said he loved me a month into the relationship but because I freaked out, I never heard it again until the next month & he was like no pressure.. What a liar. This guy had planned to spend forever with me & talked about getting married after college & how many kids we would have & the entire time I was thinking "OMG! I can't even figure out my plans for next month~" Anyway, I ended up breaking it off 'cause he missed me & wanted to know how I was doing without hearing about my day.. [We had been doing long distance for a month due to the start of college.] He wanted me to miss him as much as he did me & be miserable without him.. [yea, not happening.] Before we had broken up, we had arranged for him to come over to my house for Thanksgiving to meet the parents for the first time.. [It wasn't a big deal.. It was just going to be a meal. In my family, meeting the parents isn't a serious step saved for right before you get married. Rather it's for my parents to get a feel of how the guy is, not so much a "welcome to the family" deal.] So naturally you'd think once it's over, it's off.. Yea, no such thing. He had the audacity to ask if he was still invited & throw in that he still loved me. He wanted to come over as just a friend but I knew his intention was to try to win me back beforehand & be introduced to my parents again as the boyfriend... [Yea, I don't invite my friends over to Thanksgiving dinner.. not even my best friend. To me, it's a day spent for the family & maybe the future husband.] I tried being friends but he'd email me stuff saying how much he loved me & hoped it'd work out someday in the future 'cause he wanted to marry me.. He even considered VISITING me at school to convince me to take him back. WTF?! Thank goodness my friend informed me of this scheme & I made the friend tell him to stay at school. I had no clue how my friend did it but had he not succeeded, the ex would have traveled 12 hours to stand outside of my dorm. I even threatened to call the cops on him. Serious. -____-"
I do agree with having effective communication but usually when guys come on this strong & this soon, it just reeks of desperation & it's an instant turn-off. I'm attracted to a guy who can be independent & still miss me but not be a miserable wreck because of it. Yuck~
Cut him out...The longer you wait around, the longer it'll take him to learn...
Just make sure he doesn't make you his training dummy...
I dated this guy who was also VERY clingy and like most of you FREAKED OUT. I was afraid that he would drop the L word within the first week into the relationship. I told him that we shouldn't move too fast, but I think I need to be more straightforward - he didn't get it. It was too much for me and on top of that he was immature. After two weeks of dating, I broke up with him and he was so sensitive about it. He told me that he thought I was the one! He wanted to work it out. There was nothing to work out. After breaking up with him, he continued to call me all the time for a week as a friend "checking up" on another friend. Then he asked me if I still think of him. I told him "not as much" after that he stopped calling me. About a week later, he had a new a girl. After dating for about a month and a half, she broke up with him. Then he called me to tell me on the day she broke up with him to find comfort. I can only be there for him as friend, nothing else. He's still the same, always falling hard.
I back off and I tend to avoid them.
If things are going that fast, I get the fuck out.
Run away. I hate that.