This is a guest blog submitted by ohsnapbrit.I met this guy about three months ago back in August. We recently met again about two and a half weeks ago at my friend's birthday party (which was a collaboration with his birthday). When I met him at the first party, I wasn't very interested because I was preoccupied with keeping the party entertaining and making it go smoothly...not to mention there were a lot of crazy things going on at once, so I had to keep things in order. So we only exchanged a few "hi"s and small talk at that party. But when I met him again at my friend's (and his) party, I noticed I was more attracted to him and wanted more attention from him. I would assume that he was interested in me, too, because he asked for my AIM screen name and my phone number.
That night I took the initiative to IM him when I got home from the party because he'd been a bit tipsy that night and I didn't want him to forget about me. He IMed me back a few hours later after he was settled down from the party saying he had fun and fell asleep. I did the whole "wait a few days so you won't seem desperate" thing and didn't talk to him much since that day. Then a few days later he text messaged me and we started talking briefly.
That weekend, my friend and I were bored, so I decided to text him and we started talking. He said he was going to go back to his house to have a few drinks with a mutual friend of ours, and he invited me along. My friend and I went - we had a blast that night and didn't come home till 5 in the morning. Of course he had to be tipsy, but that night he was a bit flirtatious and would pull me to sit on his lap and would hold me around my waist. I couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol or if he was genuinely flirting with me because he was interested.
The next day I IMed him asking if he was okay; he said he had a great time but didn't really remember much that happened.
Then it happened again, a few days with no talking. Towards the middle of the week he IMed me again; a few flirtatious words were exchanged and at the end of our conversation, he told me to call him if I wanted to "chit chat". I decided to call him; we talked for about two hours and I told him that a few friends and I were going clubbing that Friday and invited him. He told me he'd get back to me with that answer.
Two days before we were going to go clubbing, he told me that he was going to join us that Friday. We didn't end up going because they closed the guest list early while we were in line, but in the middle of waiting in line, I didn't pay much attention to him because I didn't want to seem like the type that hangs around guys' sides a lot. So he made a move and put his arm around me in front of everyone (including some of his friends I didn't know very well).
We went back to his house for a few drinks - I sat in his car because the other car was packed. Not everyone had arrived yet ,so he decided to take me to "his spot" where you could see the most beautiful view of downtown L.A. He was hugging me the whole time we were talking and laughing, and it was the cutest thing in the world. Finally everyone arrived at his house and we drove back to meet everyone up. Again, the drinks started coming and he was very flirty again, hugging me and holding me. In the middle of drinking (and his being pretty buzzed), I asked him what he thought about me and he said that he thought that I was really cute.
Then I asked if he liked me; he nodded his head. I asked what that meant, and he said "yeah". A few days later we exchanged text messages and one phone call since that day.
I guess the situation is that I'm used to guys showing their feelings for me right away and taking things fast, but I'm still very much confused about this guy.
Is this guy genuinely interested in me, or is he stringing me along? Another thing...it's not just the alcohol taking action, is it? I'm very confused and need help.
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Comments (32)
I'd take the action of asking him when he was sober if he was into you or not. Personally, I am not attracted to people who drink, so I don't really know what to really say since if someone I thought I was interested in drank, I would forget about them.
I'm looking into the few instances where he was sober to see if there is some interest. Seems like the alcohol could be influencing him to be flirtatious and display his interest in you. From the looks of it, it is highly possible that he does like you. I don't think there's anything wrong with his going out and getting buzzed, as long as it's not a day-to-day type of thing or that he gets super wasted each and every time he does drink. I suggest you take it to the next level and hang out with him outside of alcohol to see if his intentions are true and not just alcohol-driven.
I heard a good quote once and I think it just might apply to your situation: "A drunk person's words are their sober thoughts." Think about that :) Good luck.
It's flirting. He already acts as if you.. are his - He only sees you as an attraction ~ sorry hun. Look at the situation . You guys only chill when it's DRINKING OR PARTYING..It's nothing but a F L I N G
Don't grow feelings. Just don't
It happened to me . Lol, I still see me and that guy I dated (It was dating b/c we talked wayyy more than you & him & went on dates) doing the same damn thang before we met!
CLUBBIN, DRINKIN, PARTYING. LOL. So fuck it, have your fun..Guys/girls that party too much..not worth it
It soundsl ike he is interested. It also sounds like he gets more confidence when he drinks. You should try hanging out with him just the two of you, see what happens? Try not to drink that night to, sober fun can be just as fun and maybe you will find out what he is really looking for. Good luck!
I think the alcohol gives him liquid courage to be flirtatious in a more obvious way. But if he was into you, he would have asked you out on a date by now, instead of these casual and group encounters. Even if he said yes to your question on whether he likes you, words don't mean much w/o actions b/c guys give answers that the girl expects to hear, so maybe wait a bit to see if he follows thru.
Best way to find out is to get some alone time with him. In other words, a date. If he's willing to take you out to dinner and spend an evening with you alone, then it's pretty obvious he isn't just stringing you along. Quit hanging out "with friends" if you really want to find out.
@FireMapleSong@xanga - I agree.
Alcohol is a truth serum for a lot of people. lolol. A lot of guys told me they liked me when they were drunk, then the next day i'd bring it up and they'd be like "I SAID THAT?! Ahh..well..now you know" I'm not sure how it is for everyone, but in my situations, that's how it's been.
He likes you, by the way. He's taken an interest in you when he wasn't tipsy, right? Anyway, i thought i read something up there where it wasnt mentioned where he was tipsy. So yup. He likes you.
He's interested.
well, I was going to say it's only the alcohol, but while sober he took you to his spot and was hugging you and holding you in front of his friend and yours. So I'd just give it some time, don't push, question, or worry, and whatever will be will be.
9 out of 10 times it is the Alcohol that is taking the lead. So I wouldn't pay any mind with anything he said during that stage. Just wait until he sobers up and that's when you notice whether or not he is true with you.
To my mind, it seems like he IS interested in you; he just might be a little shy without the alcohol relaxing him. Like other people have mentioned, alcohol/being tipsy is often when a persons true thoughts and feelings emerge.
It seems like he has done a couple of cute things with you while sober, so the possibility is definitely there.
Along with all the other top advice here, what is he like with other girls in these situations? Is he just as flirtatious with them, or is it just you?
Imo, if it's just you, then he's definitely into you and interested. However, whatever you do, DONT push anything. Let it just evolve naturally and see where it leads. Anytime anybody starts trying to push something, the other person usually pushes back, or an unhealthy relationship develops. It's been good so far, so why ruin it?
Good luck!
How about you see how he is sober? f you can't get him sober he probably isnt ready for a relationship anyway. Don't take it personal. Id say don't go for him.
but then I drink alcohol for the taste of it.im gonna sound like a dick.
But are you really pretty? some times its hard to flirt with "okay" girls sober so alcohol provides a sense of deniable plausibility.
At the same time, girls do that too. people don't always want to take responsibility for their actions and its easy to blame the booze.
with drinking you can deny the attractive factor (to some degree) and destroy your inhibitions altogether.
Different guys approach things differently...maybe he's looking for more...maybe he's not.
Stick around but don't focus tooo much on him because if he turned out to be a player then it's just not worth your time.
I think that he likes you because he put his arm around you in front of everyone before he started drinking. It just sounds like he gets more confidence when he drinks. Also, there is no way he would talk to you on the phone for two hours if he wasn't interested!
try to hang out with him for a few hours SOBER. not even one drink - see what he does. also, you'll see what kind of a person he is (in terms of hobbies, interests etc). is he always drunk? what does he do when he's not drunk?
it seems like you're always instigating everything. try being just as friendly as open as you are not, but don't talk to him first or call him first etc. for example, when you see him, make eye contact and smile at him, but wait for him to say hi first.
was he cheated on in his last relationship? Maybe he has trust issues?
shy guys totally throw me offf...
Hey! If this guy is a drinker then have NOTHING more to do with him unless you want to be committed to a life of misery. I've known friends who've got off with such guys and wish they hadn't. Don't fool yourself - it's the alcohol talking.
Ask him when he's sober. It's better than wondering.
To sum it all up, you've only seen him when he's drunk.
Conclusion: It's the alcohol.
could be that he actually likes you. the sober periods lean toward that. but i agree with everyone here; get him alone and sober. a date! something fun though, not a "typical" date, aka, dinner and a movie. try a hike or a play, something where there really isn't booze!
good luck!
that is a bit sticky, i was in a situation a long time ago that was like this... just beware because now i really do not like it when my bf drinks... AT ALL. because of a situation very similar to this. (*notice the part where i subtle mention i got burned, but again it was only similar to yours)
get him to hang out with you sober and see what happens. alcohol makes fools of of us all [shrug]
if i had to guess. it's he probably is into you, but too shy or lacks the confidence to make the move without boozey
he's interested alright. he hugged u in front of his friends and he flirts VERY openly.