Miss Zebra"I wanna live in a house like thatWhere love wears out our welcome matAnd our hearts know that's where it's atI wanna live in a house like thatLive with you in a house like that(Loving you in a house like that)"He smiled at me as "House Like That" by Donovan Chapman came on the radio in the car.
"It's very true. I can't wait to love you in our own house..." I tried to smile (but couldn't really come up with a reply) and was thanking my lucky stars when he turned his eyes back to the road. I didn't want him to see the mixture of confusion and thoughts running through my head.
"Then why am I having such a hard time picturing you with that song...?"
That song was one I shared with someone else the year before. We weren't dating, but we were both interested in each other and that song was one of the last we shared together before I told him it would never work between us. Despite having never been in an official relationship, there were several songs that reminded me of him and that we had shared together. Even in another relationship I couldn't forget them and shake that connection.
Are there some songs that should be "boxed and put away, never to be used again," as one Datingish reader put it? Or does it show you've completely gotten over someone when you can listen to one of your old songs and not skip over it?
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Comments (38)
When I read this, the song that came up was "You Could Be Happy" by Snow Patrol. Whenever I hear the song it brings back some painful memories of a breakup w/ an ex. I definitely found myself boxing away that song now, even though I'm over her.
the first song that comes to mind is "I just Died" by Amerie.
It was really special to my ex and I. I think it's natural to box away certain songs for awhile just to heal, but I don't think that method will work because you're still going to get some feelings when you hear the song years from now.
This has happened with myself. There are a few songs that I've 'had' with ex's and when i hear it, I like them and can picture myself with my current boyfriend, but :/ I always have this part of me that kinda HATES the song. I'm way over my ex's and I LOVE my boyfriend with ALL of my heart and wouldn't trade him for the world. Still, those songs get to me. I need to box away a few songs.
One for sure is that lame one 'Ocean Avenue' by Yellowcard
My first boyfriend and I shared "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls together... that was supposed to be our "wedding song"... out of respect (though he doesn't deserve it) I never shared it with anyone else... even though he dedicated it to someone else...
I think it doesn't just count with songs but with symbols... The same thing happened with my last relationship... our "thing" the rain... walking in it, playing in it, laughing in it; our first kiss was even in the rain [MY first kiss]... and a few months after we broke up, he needed to clear his mind and so he walked in the rain... with another girl... I remember feeling the same way I felt when my first boyfriend rededicated "Iris" to another girl.
Eh, I dunno. I could be crazy.
Ugh I use to be IN LOVE with the song, "Wonderwall" by Oasis, now, I can barely handle the thought of the song in existance because of a guy I didn't date...
I think that it's worse though.. when it's a song that reminds you of an almost... Songs with almosts sort of just smack you in the face like, "oops, that ALMOST happened, sort of.."
"Cant take my eyes off of you", I spend like 3 years without listening it because it made me cry so bad. it was "our" song (me & ex bf) and i think he cant take his eyes off of a lot more girls either cuz he turned out to be a lier, cheating bastard lol
My song with my current boyfriend its "my humps" hahaha whenever we listen it we start to dance like idiots. In our house, at the mall, at school, everywhere...
i think it depends on the person. some songs will always leave a twinge with me and I doubt that will change. I reomved all the songs he wrote about me from my ipod because I couldn't hear them without crying and I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to them again
usually,
after a really long time
things feel exactly the same.
the whole hinder album reminds me of an ex and what we did and didn't do..too bad i didn't figure that out until after i bought the album...
I don't think I'll ever hear "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by the Beach Boys with anyone else the same way. As far as I'm concerned, that one can't even be brought up again. You can't redo young love over again where that song is applicable.
I must be weird. If a song reminds me of an old flame I play it on repeat until I can listen to it normally. I like music too much to let some boy come between my entertainment.
I did that. But then I thought it was ridiculous to ban myself from a song I really enjoyed. Even if I'm not over it, I still like the song.
I used to cry whenever I hear "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word." A year later, I started dating my current bf and stopped listening to it. I deleted the song from my computer and ipod. The song will always hold a special memory of someone I once cared about. I doubt that will ever change but it's in the past and I'm with someone wonderful whom I share other songs with.
I know nothing about boxing up songs that had to do with romantic relationships; however, for a while there were a couple songs that reminded me of my father after mom left him and took us kids with her (it's a really nasty story that I won't get into here).
However, years and years later, I started listening to those songs again - not because I missed my father, but because I missed those songs. They're good songs, trust me, and I decided I wasn't going to let one idiot spoil my dance party. I actually wrote a blog about it a while back, called The Music Wrote Me Into Existence.
I think when you're able to play songs that you used to associate with people who once hurt you, it's a good sign. You're healing. Of course, some people find they can live without those songs in their lives and end up not playing them because they don't need (not because they can't bring themselves to); but for me, I needed the music to be mine again and not my father's.
My ex and I used to sing "Hero/Heroine" by Boys Like Girls [my absolute favorite song] all the time to each other.
for the longest time, I couldn't listen to the song without crying. same with any song that had that theme to it, the "I was so afraid of love and then I found you", like "First Time" by Lifehouse, "You Found Me" by Kelly Clarkson, etc.
Now Hero/Heroine is back on my playlist and I'm hoping to dedicate it to someone who truly deserves it :)
even though I still can't listen to any Creed songs. It was his favorite band. "My Sacrifice" was his song to me. -.-; I was never a huge fan of them in the first place...
anyways, I think the songs need to be boxed away for a bit, but there comes a time when you should be able to listen to it again. you already left a piece of your heart with that person, why leave a song you thoroughly enjoyed with them too? unless you can do without the music in your life, like me and Creed, haha.
Better Than Me - Hinder.
@notbheartnsoul@xanga -
They're songs do that, it's crazy.
I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry... but that was a mistake i want to forget, more than anything else.
Goodluck!
Its just a song - you dont have to box it away
Why cant we just enjoy it?
Whenever I hear a certain* song - yeah it does triggers memories of someone from my past
But who cares, just remember all the good times, and the moments you two shared - forget about all the nasty stuff
LETS ENJOY THE SONG OKAY - and dont think about anything else
@my_trumpet_pwns_all@xanga - ahhh Better Than Me. that song makes me cry regardless. it's so powerful.
I think you could do without the song for a while. When you feel up to it, the song will have meaning for you, but it will no longer tug at the heartstrings so much ;)
Mine was "Brighter than Sunshine" by Aqualung because an ex of mine used it in a video to ask me out.
hmmm no i think you can have a song (or anything else) trigger memories of an ex (or any other significant person in your life) and it doesn't necessarily mean you're still not over them! my grade NINE boyfriend dedicated this song to me and to this day, i still think of him when the song plays. Not in an 'I MISS HIM SO MUCH' way but the song still triggers those memories (ohhh to be a freshman in high school!)
For me, it's Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden.. Whenever I listen to it, I think of the foolish mistake I had made by getting involved.. yet I can't seem to make it a song I can enjoy with my current boyfriend. I get a twinge & remember all the stupid mistakes. I feel like it's cheating even though I've only got eyes/feelings for my current boyfriend. I've no clue how to handle it. I guess maybe I should take other people's advice & just listen to it.. I mean, it was a good song. It was the theme song to our spring break trip in high school.. those were some good memories. I guess listening to it will help me get over it better than avoidance. Although it's never gonna be my song with my boyfriend.. we've got better ones. :D
[Thank you for writing this! I know I saw it on your blog but I wanted to see what others thought before I shared mine.. I sorta wanted to understand. :P]
@bmrowland@xanga - LOL, i loved your comment and i totally agree. Wonderwall is actually one of the songs i shared with an "almost" just like you and it's so bittersweet.
However, i must say, there are some lovey dovey songs that can apply to more than one relationship. I know that i've thought of more than one person to certain songs. However there are some songs that i WONT be thinking about with anyone else, like "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down......listening to that song is more bittersweet and painful than reminiscent of good times.
I say once time wears the pain away, you should listen to the song and enjoy it for what it is--a song to be enjoyed with someone else!! Songs that remind you of pain show you that you got through it, so treasure it because it means you're alive and kicking. :)
Every single time "Better Together" by Jack Johnson plays, I can't help but feel myself cringe. It's normal to still have those feelings remain. That person was a part of me for so long that I couldn't see my life without them, and when I hear that song I can't help but hold my breath waiting for it to go by.
It just goes to show you that pain does exist, and these songs are living proof. But it also shows you what you had was amazing, if it wasn't then it wouldn't be worth thinking about.
Anything Jack Johnson reminds me of my first love. And I don't want to share those songs with anyone else. I mean, I'm totally fine now listening to any song by him, but in the back of my mind, I know and remember why I like them so much.