Tuesday, 18 November 2008
-
He's Not Ready for A Serious Relationship - I'm Not Waiting Around
This is a guest blog submitted by charm1234.A little less than 4 months ago I started dating this guy; we're both in our late 20s. I knew from a mutual friend that he had recently gotten out of a serious relationship (of about a year), but they hadn't lived in the same city for about four months. Knowing all of this when we started dating, I made the decision to not bring up his ex, ask him questions or discuss my ex and the baggage I carried. I wanted to approach our dating a different way than I usually do and avoid talking about emotions, expectations, etc. too soon.
We took things slow; he treated me great and things were going well. We were having a lot of fun...or so I thought.
He invited me to a wedding in which I would meet his parents. Three weeks before the wedding, he took me out to a nice dinner; afterward we walked to the subway while holding hands. Then as we parted ways he said, "I like you a lot, I have so much fun with you, but I'm just not ready for a serious relationship."
Without hesitating I said, "Okay, so we're breaking up?". He wanted to take a break and I said no; immediately what went into my head was that he was just trying to break it to me gently. And if I were to give him that break, more than likely, it wouldn't help all that much. He still wanted to hang out and asked if I would go to the wedding with him, but I said I didn't think that was a good idea. I just wanted to rip the bandaid off.
My question is, was he just letting me down gently? Or could he have been telling the truth - that he wasn't ready? I'm certainly not going to wait around for him, but I just wonder if I should offer up the idea of our possibly getting back together down the road.
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (37)
it seems a bit rash to just forget him after the 4 months you were spending together. if you can handle some uncomfortable emotions, then maybe you could learn something from the break and what comes from it. he could really be working through some things, and just not wanting to get too close, but once he works through it, he could let you know he is ready. you can always set a time limit for yourself :) peace
Sounds like he wanted to break it to you gently.
I would have reacted the same way you did. I can't be with someone I know doesn't feel the same way about me anymore either. It's a slap in the face. No thanks.
There are quite a bit of comments on here, and really I'm probably going to say something that you've already heard. However, I was in a very serious relationship. BF/GF for three years and husband and wife for four years. Anywho, when we separated I dated. I dated A LOT. Most guys I dated said the same thing... I'm not ready for a serious relationship. When you're in a relationship for a long time (and yes guys view a year as a long time) it takes them longer to get over the other girl. I started to date my boyfriend I have now in January. I brushed him off in the beginning because he was only separated from his wife (soon to be ex wife) for a few months. Now, I'm glad we're together! He tells me when he needs time. I'm just now understanding that it's NOT us breaking up, just he needs some time for himself. Maybe this guy wants you in his life, but he needs time to figure things out. I would be his friend, but don't do anything that "couples" do. Denying his invitation to the wedding is definitely a good thing to do. Give him space. Give him time.
I like how you're not waiting around :)
I don't think he was trying to let you down gently. I think he really isn't ready to get in a serious relationship again yet. I also don't blame you for not wanting to wait around. But, I just want to say, if you suggest getting together somewhere down the road, as you say, then you are, essentially, waiting around. You have to make a decision one way or another. Do you like him enough to wait around or not?
...sorry for the double post, but if you really aren't convinced that he wasn't just letting you down gently, offering the idea of getting together somewhere down the road might actually be a good gauge of that. If he says no, you'll be able to know that he may actually not be interested. But if he says yes, you'll know that he really does just need time.
But I still think that after getting out of a serious relationship he probably does need some time to get over it.
I think he could be saying the truth. For one thing, you mentioned that he had just recently gotten out of a serious relationship. He's only been with you for four months. Although you might not realize it now, it could be better for you to part. Perhaps then, you'll find someone yourself that agrees with what you want in life.
He probably told the truth when he said he wasn't ready, but he shouldn't have led you on before deciding that.
I hate when that happens :(
i agree. its been four months. he isnt ready. just give him some time. just be friends. seems like you like him and im sure he really likes you. he just wants to take things slow....real slow lol. im not saying stand around and wait for him to be ready.
i say go to the wedding though and hang with him. then im sure when yall do all that then he'll start to like you and then ask you out and then go from there! =]
until then i say just go around look for someone you like and date them.
if you want. lol
there are two scenarios to this situation:
1) he IS breaking up with you gently because he doesn't see you as a "serious long term" girlfriend material and is probably not even looking to settle down at the moment. Perhaps, he's letting you know in the most subtle way that he's not looking to date just ONE girl exclusively... and that you should part your ways.
or
2) he likes you a lot and would like to consider thinking about you in a serious relationship sense but isn't sure. Sure you're a nice girl and he has fun with you, but does he want more than that? Plus, you should understand that he might be at a stage in his life; career or identity issue wise, that a girlfriend in a serious kind of sense is not on the top of the list. Which means, he's perhaps letting you know exactly what he's thinking : "NOT INTERESTED IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP" and would like to know how you would react.
My advice? Ask him straight out WHEN he sees himself in a long and serious relationship. If it's too far ahead and he can't say, then let him go. IF you can't wait for him to come around then at least him telling you straight up won't waste your time, right?
@BaRBieGiRL_92587@xanga -
i Think you are correct. i told my friend that i had feelings for him and he told me he would love to be in a relationship with me but he isnt ready for something serious as yet. he got out of a 4 year relationship 5 months ago.. so i am just relaxing and just seeing what happens .l. if we are meant to be we will be if not there are more fish in the sea!!!!!