Monday, 17 November 2008
-
We're Too Young to Be So Serious
This is a guest blog submitted by LyssaLullabye.
I have two friends who have been dating over a year and cannot be away from each other. We plan "girl days" and who should happen to show up with her. She's surprised when I say I have not talked to my BF in a day. When told that he cannot hang out with her, he gets pissed off and sometimes even cries.
My BF and I have been together for over a year now, too, but I do not feel the need to see him 24/7. I understand how schedules clash. In fact, it's been almost a month since I have been able to spend a decent amout of time with him, but that is not the point. Every time my friend's mom and my mom are together, her mom tries to make my relationship out to be the same as her daughter's. Even my mom is sick of it. I swear, I am surprised he has not proposed yet.
To top things off, my friend constantly ridicules my SO. If even the smallest thing is said that a joke can be made from, it comes out of her mouth.
Would you tell a friend if you thought they were too serious? What would you do about the constant ridicule of your SO by a so-called "friend"?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (43)
"sometimes even cries?"
i would want to tell my friend that she should have more fun while she's young.. i can't really say anything judge mental when they are still together. some people just are "serious people" they wanna get everything all set.. maybe she's scared of losing him? and afraid that she might never find someone better.. what's the point of being in such a needy relationship anyways..
I'll be real with them and tell them what I think. Your friend and her bf do seem extremely clingy to one another. I guess if both of them are alright with that it's not too big of a problem, but you can mention that by being that way it's messing up their relationships with those around them.
Your friend is probably just joking, but if not and you're bothered by it you should speak up and let her know to take the ridicule down a notch.
Hmm, sometimes even cries...that seems a bit extreme. If you like revenge you could always ridicule her bf about that
He cries when she doesn't spend time with him? He's either super sensitive or he's manipulative. Both are scary.
As for her bad mouthing your boyfriend, tell her she needs to stop it. That's it. Stop. I wouId would really reconsider hanging out with someone like that. Sometimes it's just time to move on and find better, supportive, friends.
everybody has different interpersonal styles, and there's no mold for a good relationships. to each his own...different things work for different people. however, you shouldn't have to put up with her boyfriend constantly barging in your time with your friend, or your friend putting down your boyfriend. it's time to lay down the law with her LOL (and maybe her mother too)
This month, me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half. Ever since school started and the jobs had to start, we had little time to spend with each other. Like you, I do not have to be with my boyfriend 24/7. I know where you are coming from. A few of my past friends have been in relationships like this.
I would talk to your friend, tell her what is up and tell her to stop bad mouthing your boyfriend. No two relationships are alike. They can be similar, but no wear near the exact. She can be all oogly and close with her boyfriend, that doesn't mean it's bad that you aren't with yours.
She should also plan time with just you and her, if she is a really close friend of yours. Just girl time together without talking about boyfriend unless the conversation permits.
If the dude cries because he can't hang out with her, there's some serious underlying issues there. Does he live with mommy?
All joking aside, if there is an unreasonable amount of smack talking going on about an "SO," that friend needs a time-out. One should do the same if it were reversed.
Ultimately, however, the whole clinginess that the two share, is up to them. Let her ride it out. There's not much you can do or say to change it. In fact, she might just get hostile about it. After all, it is her boytoy.
I have so many questions from reading this post. How gay is that the b/f showed up with his g/f for a GIRL DAY. For crying out loud, its called girl's day for a reason. And he cries when he can't hangout with her? That really doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.
I tell my friends the problem I see in their relationship, and they do for me as well. I am very lucky to have close friends like them.
Haha, he cries? Wow.
Currently, my boyfriend & I have been together for almost four years [next month on the 8th
] & we do have somewhat the same issue. It's not clashing schedules, it's my overly strict parents. (It's not that they don't like him, they're just that way; even if it's just my friends.) We're 19 & it is very frustrating that we can't see each other when we want, but we understand.
There is a point where there is too much: too much hanging around each other, too much neediness, etc. They need to find a happy medium where they are okay with not being around each other all the time & also see each other as often as they can & enjoy it to the fullest. It took us a while to get used to the idea that we couldn't see each other every day, but we're okay with that now. (=
Give him a reason to cry: punch him in the face.
And THAT is my unhelpful advice of the day.
My best friend and I all throughout public schooling dreamed of finding the loves of our lives. And by high school, we were both convinced we had. At first she though I was too serious, and I didn't think so. I learned to let up a lot in the last year I was with the guy, even though it did start becoming serious. She however... pretty much contradicted herself. Even after he cheated on her, she let him follow her to college, and they still don't do anything apart. I said it through high school, but there's not use in telling her they're too serious anymore. She had a chance to let her lesson be learned the same way I did, but she didn't really take it.
You can't control what your friends do. It's sad, but sometimes you just have to sit back and see what happens.
well me and my boyfriend have been together almost four years;
but i mean we never get to see each other becouse of my overly strict parents.
but were only 13 and 14
so
we do try to spend all the time we can with each other
but i would and do tell him im going to hang out with my girls when we make days too.
thats rediculios that he cries, thats suchh a man (see my sarcasm?)
ahhh i have all my friends saying he and i are too serious
but its love so i blow it off,thats probly what your friend is doing(letting hte boy take her heart instead of her friends)
If you're close to the friend, I think I'd tell them. But, I wouldn't try to make it seem like what I say has to force them to do anything. After all, they're the ones with that person, not me. She/he can take my opinion into consideration, but it's up to them.
I don't think it's my business to tell a friend that they're being too serious, especially if he enjoys spending a lot of time with his SO. I would want my friend to be happy, why cause drama when I have other single friends to hang out with?
If they're ridiculing, just tell 'em to zip it!
That sounds like a situation I was in. Dont worry about what she thinks. My ex-friend and her ex-husband were like that, they ended up getting married the day of our High School graduation and then divorced two and 1/2 months later. As for her making fun of you SO..just dont worry, most people do that because they are jelouse. I know its cliche, but its also true.
She makes fun of YOUR SO? When hers cries like a girl? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
erm... Whether they're serious or not is not really your problem, I think your friend should watch what she says about your SO because that's YOUR business. And if they ever break up, you could say "I told you so" in the most spiteful (but unhelpful) way possible to show that she's been a pain all this time.
Okay, I digress... If they're okay with being that "serious" (id more likely call that obsessive actually), then tell it to her straight that she should respect your plans (ie. girl days) if she values your friendship. If she doesn't want you talking about her relationship being 'weirdly obsessive' than maybe she should keep her nose out of a perceived issue within your relationship. If can't find her own boundaries, perhaps you should draw it thicker for her, so she doesn't talk bad about your SO. Stand up for yourself.
All of this is basically the story of my life this past year. Exactly everything (minus the friend's parents talking to each other) is the same. The situation sucks.
... I think it's less a matter of being too "serious" and more a matter of being too clingy... And if a friend were making fun of my SO, I'd first talk to them about the fact that it bothers me and why. If they don't stop, I drop them. Yeah, I don't do the whole playing thing. You either respect me and my feelings or you don't.
I've had a lot of friends I've thought have bee in a relationship that's too serious for the age, but I've never said anything, especially if they're happy. It's not my life and just because I don't want that doesn't mean it won't work for someone else.
If my friend was constantly insulting my SO (which has never happened to me, thankfully), I'd call her/her him out on it. Just talk to her about it and see if she's got a good reason for her behavior. I know I'd be pissed a hell if one of my friends brought their boyfriend to a girl's night, especially without prior consent
Wow...that guy sounds so lame to even cry about it...= =;;
"Would you tell a friend if you thought they were too serious? "
I'm pretty blunt sometimes...so I just tell it to their face...it's up to them to consider it or not...
I've gone through that before...I was too serious. I probably still am, but not as much as before. I'm trying to just have fun and if this guy ever proposes, then I'd take it more serious. I'm just trying so that none of us get hurt I guess.
I'd feel happy if a friend does take it serious, but I hope their significant other takes it as serious too. And I tell them that if I can.
One serious relationship ~ and then no more. We are young =] Live it up
My friends are getting married; it's not a place where there's a "too serious" anymore. That said, your friend ought to back off; her insecurity about her own relationship is showing.
It sounds like they're a pretty immature couple, but as their friend, what can you do? Not much. You can try to insert words of wisdom ("Wow... My SO and I don't see each other every day, and yet we're happy") but beyond that, there's not much you can do. Hopefully they'll grow out of it.
omg!!! he cries???
wow.. i think u should just tell her how u feel ..coz honesty is always the best!!