Miss ZebraWhile doing laundry this morning I was listening to my music and a song came on I hadn't listened to in a while. Why? Because it was a song that my ex and I listened to a lot together. By habit, I reached over to skip it, but I stopped and smiled as I listened more. I was enjoying it and remembering the good times we had together. The breakup had been initiated by me and I "got over it" a long time ago. I didn't have a lot of feelings for him to begin with, so it wasn't a long drawn out struggle for me after the breakup. But there were several things about the relationship I just wanted to forget and it was easier to just forget it all. But I realize now that in doing that I was forgetting the good times too...
- The time we went to St. Augustine and walked the shore and played in the water, staying so late we were the only ones on the beach. There is little as special as being on the beach with someone you care about and no one else is around.
- When I was sitting in the loft of his barn looking out not knowing he was home yet, and he threw his hat up at me and scared me so much I almost fell!
- Finding a new litter of kittens buried in one of the hay bales up in the loft and being the first to see them.
- Trying to learn how to rope so "one day" we could go roping together. In the meantime I'm roping every thing else BUT the iron dummy that's standing in front of me.
- Having him help my classmates build a set for a performance I was in and seeing him work with my friends there. Seeing country cowboy trying to fit in with complete city actor guys... was quite awesome, haha.
- Going turkey hunting with him being decked out in full camo at 7 in the morning... Yes I was quite a sight. :-/
- Fishing (okay, "trying" to fish) with him and his nieces while they are laughing their heads off at this "city girl" who can barely cast. Then the "victory" of catching more fish than he did one evening.
- Being shown his "trails" and "forts" he played in as a kid on their several acres they had. Crawling in a torn old shelter he used to use as a hideaway to get away from reality for a while.
Do I wish I was back in the relationship? Absolutely not! But can I enjoy the sweet parts of the relationship and smile about them? Yes... I can.
What are some memories you have of you and your ex? Do you find it a struggle to remember the good parts without becoming bitter about the bad ones?
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Comments (41)
I really don't have good memories of my ex...
my struggle is the opposite; I tend to think of all the good parts and forget about the bad ones. Every once in a while I'll see or hear something that triggers a memory or an inside joke I had w/ an ex. I found that if you try to resist the memories it will come back to you more, but if you just take it all in you can eventually overcome w/e feelings and go on with your life.
I've blocked out most of the memories... and it's the bad ones that come back the easiest. I could try to think of a nice moment, but all I come up with is "that jerk..." It's probably better to be able to remember some of the good times though.
It's funny, I just got back to the good memories. Right after the break up that's what I focused on the most to ease the heart ache...then the anger came and the good memories faded.
I never deleted all of the happy times off of my Xanga, so I went back and re-read them a few days ago and got back to remembering the good stuff. Reading the entries with as much excitement as when I wrote them. And happy that they didn't make me sad at all.
*he surprised me and took me to a kelly clarkson concert* bike riding with him...and me literally falling off my bike haha**
The good memories are hard to think of now..I initiated the breakup and it was pretty recent, so I'm still having a hard time with it..hopefully one day I'll be able to remember the good without it making me sad.
@josiebunny@xanga - i'm sorri to hear that
@haunting_dreams09@xanga - and i'm sorry to hear that too
There are certain triggers for everything, sure, and sound has a lot to do with that for me.
The good memories I have are associated with the person, which are then associated with bad memories. It's a chain of thought. Sure, I can remember the good times, it's who I am and what I do. But she's my ex for a reason or a series of reasons, and thoughts of her go with thoughts of those things as well.
Why did you break up with him?
there were good memories. but so much bad memories that it out weighs the good. so basically i cant remember any good ones?
I am able to think/remember the good time I had with my ex without being bitter. It wasn't going the way either one of us wanted, and it would be unfair for either one of us to drag the relationship out. So, we broke up mutually. We still talk, as matter of fact we are good friends now.
One of the good times I had with my ex was when it starts to rain, both of us would run outside and play in the rain. We would dance, jump around, and sing together. I still cherish good memory like that.
I have an awful time with music for this reason, it was a huge part of our relationship. So many songs will bring me to tears still. =\
I do try to think only of the good memories, but maybe I'm better off not to yet. We stayed friends, but even after 3 years I still have strong feelings for him and it breaks my heart every day. Ugh. The downside to love.
I am glad you have good memories with your ex...
sadly I do not have any good memories with any of my two ex's......
I have a few good memories of my ex, mainly our trip to London together, but there is one big bad one that overshadows them, so I prefer not to think about him at all.
I miss the good ol times :(
@XXVl@xanga - Because though he's a good guy, the more we were together the more it became apparent he wasn't MY guy. We were headed in two different life directions and knew they could never go together. I'm the one who broke off the relationship because I realized it more clearly than he did and was less emotionally involved. He agrees now though that we weren't right for each other. I still wish him the best though.
I do have some.. like at prom & stuff 'cause he was my date. But even that memory gets a bit soured over how he wanted to get into my pants for the duration of the relationship.. I think especially that night. Thank God we slept over at a friend's house with everyone else around & not in the same bed. =X I guess it's harder to extract the good from the bad especially when it was a nasty break-up that I initiated 'cause I just couldn't stand how he was acting.. [all clingy & jealous..]
I also find it a bit awkward to hear the song he used to sing to me over & over again.. especially when I'm listening to it with my current boyfriend. Does that happen to anyone? Perhaps some songs are just reserved for certain people/memories/periods of your lives & then boxed away, never to be used again...
Xo
@still_standing - I'm curious about that too. Actually I'm in the process of a post about that. Look for it either tomorrow or the next day!
@breakingthemold - Yay! :) I look forward to reading it! :) I wish I didn't have to work so I could read it. haha. :P [No internet/computer access at work 'cause I work in a prek room.. -__-"]
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - I so agree~ Too bad, my ex's name is Tri & sometimes, when I think of him or something - there's a freaking "Tree" in front of me..what a COWINKY DINK! Lols
Like I said, Emotions maybe not forever - but it's the memories that pulls us back in.
My ex ..he brought this new girl to the place where I showed him..and "our place" & the last place where we hung out..because I moved - so it was an emotional place, but he fucked up. didn't he =D lol
Anyways, my best memory..probably the candlelight, rose bubble bath..yay* lol j/k. After cooking, we'd watch a movie, and lay on the bed eating. I'm kinda simple..but I've also had very, very other good times.
the first week we were together was bliss. we went for walks and talked for hours. we climbed trees and saw deer in a forest clearing. but then it became evident we weren't right for each other and we split amicably after 10 weeks
I have fond memories too and if the break up is recent I tend to think of what it could of been and if we were together how happy that moment would be, but then I will remember all the reasons why we broke up and I will be angry, upset and unhappy. Â It's hard! Â However, I am finding that memories of older bfs tend to be geared toward more negative things and whatever you were missing about will become more neutral and mean a little less.
I have a shoebox full of notes and other mementos from a 4 year relationship that I've been out of for nearly 2 years now. Tonight's the first time I've gone through the box. Imagine my surprise when seeing this post.
It's easier to say goodbye to a relationship when you're devaluing it. The converse is true, too. I miss my ex girlfriend.
I have great memories of my exes, even relationships that ended badly. Most of the guys I have dated are good people, just not suited to me. I have come to a point where I can be happy with those great memories, but see what the relationship really was - a relationship that wasn't working out.
Most of all, it's not that I miss my exes...it's that I miss the good feelings they made me feel - happy, blissful, loved, etc.
The only thing that comes to my mind when I think about my ex its "damn him, i hope he burns in hell" LOL
I wish things were different and that I could remember good moments but our relationship was a sick twisted nightmare that lasted 5 years. Thanks god I was able to get out of it.