Saturday, 15 November 2008
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I Tested My Boyfriend And He Failed
This is a guest blog submitted by e9273.
I haven't talked to my boyfriend in four days and we usually talk everyday online. We haven't talked since Monday, he texted me on Tuesday to say that he loved me, even though my away message on IM was "Call".
He hasn't called me. He never calls me. I told him that this bugs me last week, and we had a huge conversation about it because we didn't talk for ONE day and he never called to talk to me.He told me that I have to make a big deal about things so that he'll change. I made a big deal about it; where's the change? This is so typical. I feel like, I don't know. We had a talk about our future a while ago and he pretty much said that he wants to marry me in the future. He wants to marry me and he doesn't talk to me for four days?
Sure, I was testing him to see what he would do, like I was testing him last week. And I got the same result as last week. Like I was actually expecting him to call me. Am I just an idiot?
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Comments (542)
well... some men aren't phone guys... which means it'll take repeated reprimands to set him straight.
Are you crazy?
I think you are definitely being way too clingy if this is your reaction to not talking for just 1 or 4 days.
I hope you don't mean that you expect to speak to him every single day on the phone. Men have lives outside of their relationships, as much as we women do. How old are you guys anyhow?
PS. Thanks for the topic for my next post.
If you can't go a couple days without some form of contact with your boyfriend, there's bigger problems than the fact that he didn't call you. Trust issues, you're-clingy issues, etc.
It's never a good idea to "test" your boyfriend either. Would you want him to test YOU?
Maybe he thinks your mad at him right now and he's giving you time to cool off? Especially if you normally call him often. Why don't you just text him to say hey? Make sure he knows you guys are ok and that its safe to call! And like BigShow said maybe he's really just not a phone guy. Talk to him about it if you have to but don't get mad at him - love him for who he is not who you want him to be.
ok. no you are not an idiot at all. I agree with your viewpoint and I often find it frustrating when a guy doesn't call me.
the 1st commenter made the point to say that "maybe he isnt phone guy." Ok, that is fine, whatever. But, if he doesn't seem like he wants to be around you and spend time with you, then he must not like you as much as he claims. And we women always make an issue out of the phone because it is a simple quick way to spend time with a person.
I personally dont care whether it is on the phone or in person, if a guy doesnt call or spend time with me, I just take it as he's just not that into me.
oh no. red alert!
you don`t HAVE to talk to him every day. don`t make a big deal out of things like that. you are wayy too clingy! i have been there and it gets ugly.
stop testing him. don`t play games. let him call you. if he doesn`t call you, don`t stress about it.
stop being clingy. show him that you have a life. if you don`t have a life, get one. PLEASE!
keep up what you`re doing, and you WILL get dumped.
trust me.
So, what you're saying is, you're desperate for attention but not actually asking for it; instead, you're expecting him to give it to you because you asked for it in the past. Not only that, but you want your boyfriend to "change" because you'd prefer him that way.
Well, first off, you probably shouldn't be with the guy if you want him to "change" so badly. If he's not what you want, then you sure as hell shouldn't be talking about marriage (or even letting him talk about it).
If he's not the type to call every day, then that's tough shit. It (probably) doesn't mean he loves you any less; it's just who he is. If you don't like it, then break up with him now or you'll put him through hell later on when you decide you can't put up with it anymore.
In short, stop the passive aggressive bullshit and realize your guy is who he is.
Didnt your mom tell you to marry someone who loves you more than you love him?
ok, so more comments have floated in and they seem pretty harsh.
ok, what was so wrong with your testing him? It wasn't even really a test or 'playing games'. It was more like waiting. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Again, if you two spend time together (in person) then yeah mayb u shouldn't want to talk on the phone with him that much. But if you two don't spend time together, then I think you're valid.
and not talking for four days....that is a legitimate concern. and i have seen couples who each have their own life and still make time for each other. i was once in such a couple
You're being way too possessive. Give the boy some space...and yourself as well. It seems like you're having some serious attachment issues. Like people have said..you shouldn't expect him to call everyday - if you are, you're probably completely ignoring your friends as well. It's cool to want to spend time and talk to your boyfriend...but you can't just isolate yourself from the outside world. Go out and have fun with some other people for a change.
4 Days?
Okay, so I don't consider myself clingy, and I see my Beau about every day... however, we're capable of it.
He'll call you when he feels like he wants to hear your voice.
Let go a little, he'll understand once you let him go for a while. You just need to chill.
@ichironin@xanga - you know what. you suck
I'M JK :) you're totally rright, spit every damn word outta my mouthh haha
@oOBuBBLes711Oo@xanga - that's aweful
Unlike the folks here who are calling you "clingy" for being upset about your boyfriend not calling for a few days, I understand how you're feeling. To me, it's not even about how often you need or want to talk to each other-- Sure, some couples can go on for days with minimal contact. I suspect that the reason you might be upset about this seemingly trivial thing is because maybe you don't feel like he's reciprocating in other aspects of your relationship. (Usually minor problems are indicative of bigger issues that haven't been pulled up to the surface.) So if what's really upsetting you is the fact that he has this tendency to say he'll do things and then not do them, THAT'S the issue you need to bring up to him, not this question of how many days is appropriate for him to not be calling you.
its just a phone call...
Why cant you call him ?
@kaleidescopeeyes88@xanga - Woah woah woah, you can't just push stuff off on the guy all the time. Honestly, guys take the blame for most of the issues that the girls are responsible for. Although we don't know both sides of the story you can't really sympathise with either. Just because this girl seems like the victim of negligence, doesn't mean that she wasn't the cause of it.
Plus, if there are several issues at hand here, then they should really revise staying together at all. If minor things like this start to concern you, its a sure sign the relationship is going downhill. Another point is that if he really is breaking the normal pattern...he's probably getting bored or annoyed.
My initial reaction was that this seemed like "small potatoes" in the big picture, but if talking either face to face or on the phone every day is that important to you, it IS a big deal.
I'm not a phone person. At all. IM me, text me, hell - call me to meet up & talk somewhere. But for whatever reason, I HATE being on the phone. So I'm one of those people that may not call a significant other for days...some of my friends and family haven't received a phone call from me in weeks or months. That's just how I am.
I guess stop "testing" him, and just tell him why this is so important to you. Keep telling him until he breaks the habit of not calling. If you're important enough to him, he'll come around.
I don't know how long you've been in the relationship, but if he consistently says he'll do things and doesn't, don't expect that to change.
I was married for 22 years and in that time, our fights were usually about the same things. Not calling when he said he would, not coming home when he said he would. Basically, I arranged my life around him and he did when it was convenient for him. The level of committment was never equal.
I think basically, men are rather narcissistic. They really do believe that the world revolves around them. It's okay for him to have 'other' stuff to do when you're trying to reach him, as long as you don't have 'other' things to do when he needs to reach you.
Okay, Listen. If you want to talk to him on the phone, YOU CALL HIM. Most guys don't like to talk on the phone. Guys have lives too. It doesn't mean he has to have his ENTIRE world revolve around you. It was only 4 days that he hasn't talked to you. Have you never heard the saying absence makes the grow fonder? Well Just suck it up, out your big girl panties on and give him some breathing room.
You know what? I was in the same situation with my most recent ex, and we lasted over 2 years. We are still on good terms, but the not calling thing was actually a reflection of a much bigger cause of tension in our relationship. His not calling was only a part of the problem. In fact, he needed privacy. ALOT of it. He wanted so much privacy in fact that although we were within a 10 minute bike ride to eachother's places and he lived alone, we still rarely saw eachother more than once a week. He always needed space, it made me feel so horribly alone, lonely, needy, and unwanted. It was crappy. Maybe your guy is the kind that needs alot of privacy like that, but don't take it personally. It's his problem, but it's up to you if you're in for feeling hurt like this over and over.
O, and telling him exactly how it makes you feel when he doesn't call will really help figure out how much he cares for you and what his deal is.
i think i could somewhat agree with you. i am in a somewhat similar situation as you, but not a boyfriend, just a really close guy friend i used to talk to everyday. but i guess i can't really compare myself to you, but i think it still somewhat applies? i guess it's just the fact that we're so used to talking everyday, when we don't talk for a few days or more, it just kinda bugs it cuz it feels like we've fallen out of routine.
but then again, since he is your boyfriend, you should just give him more time and have more faith in him. i know not every guy likes to talk on the phone and stuff (my friend is one... we promised to talk to each other once a week on the phone cuz we don't see each other often and we're quite busy; but in the end it only held up for two or three weeks before he stopped calling =/) but instead of arguing with him, just let him know how a phone call from him is that important, and it could really be viewed in two perspectives. one being making a little thing a really big deal, and the other being happy with just the small things. i think you're the second perspective, why not just not lose faith, make him hear you out, and keep trying? good luck! :)
oh and despite what other people say about the guy having his own life too, etc. don't we girls too!? so isn't it the same when you tell the girl to call him instead of him? 8)