Friday, 14 November 2008
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Where Did You Go Wrong in Past Relationships?
Miss Cheetah
I've been doing a lot thinking lately and I've come to realize that I've been in the wrong about a lot of things when it comes to relationships. For example, in my previous relationship, I failed to give the relationship a chance. My ex and I had the best of times and the worst of times, but the thing was, I never fully explained what my issue was in the relationship. My issue was growth.
Truthfully, I didn't allow myself to grow from the relationship. I was afraid to let him care for me, so I constantly pushed him away. My self-doubts made it hard for me to listen to his feelings. Basically, I acted as if I didn't deserve him, so I ended it before he could realize how I truly felt. The more I think about it, the more I regret my decision. Deep down, I wanted that chance to work out our issues and continue being together, but I just refused to put the necessary work into the relationship. The funny thing is, he's the most understanding guy I know. But like I tell my sister all the time: "you gotta deal with you before you deal with someone else." Too bad I couldn't take my own advice.
3 1/2 months after our breakup, I know now he didn't deserve that. I am grateful that he continues to love me despite our not being together anymore. The truth is, I love him too. I just needed the time and the courage to allow him to love me in return. If he'd take me back, I'd go. I care about him that much.Have your feelings/issues ever get in the way of a relationship? What happened?
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Comments (28)
would you get back with him and give him a chance?
maybe try being open. its ok to have ups and downs, thats how you grow. =]
good luck with whatever you do.
Yes, sadly it has. I think I wasn't ready to trade in my freedom, but at the same time I believed that if he was less demanding and expecting so much from me it would of been better, but I am not sure about that either. In the end there were just a lot of conflict of interests. Relationships are just complicated. I guess you just have to do what you feel is right, and if it works out in the end great!
yes... i always find it difficult to express myself verbally. i am not good at telling him my feelings. i wish i knew how to...
My past relationships all had trust issues. I trusted women too much.
Where did I go wrong? I got involved in the first place.
I wouldn't say get in the way since I'm very verbal about how I feel, especially to my S.O. I would say that sometimes my way of "helping" turns into nagging, and that can push him away
trying to figure out if the guy I was dating was a rebound or not, turned out notthe first guy I dated after a major relationship (my previous partener ended) I jusmped into my current relationship and its been 5 years...( with a 1 year break after our third year)
Oh so many things~ I shouldn't have gotten involved with him in the first place 'cause I didn't see a future with him. I've no clue what possessed me to enter the relationship. >.< Then, it was my independence. I hated how he always wanted to know what I did & then got mad when I hung out with guys. I probably hung out with guys too much for my own good but I couldn't stand his possessive & jealous nature. It was too much for me.
With this current relationship, because I want it to work & 'cause I really see the future with him, I find myself more willing to reflect on the issues & figure out how to improve myself for the relationship. That's when I realize there's more to a relationship than with the previous one.. for some reason, I feel like this one is on a deeper level 'cause I realize communication also needs to be improved & I'm no different than I was a few years back in the previous relationship.. if that makes any sense....
@FireMapleSong@xanga - So true...
My ex cheated on me, like full on cheated. Not just making out, but the whole thing. 2nd girl I was talking to got drunk and made out with an ex. Sadly there were the only 2 girls I was serious with... The rest were just tools.
I took him for granted, and pushed him away...and got dumped eventually. But I did learn a lot from the experience. :)
My mistake? Taking my ex for granted and being afraid of making a huge commitment at my age. Luckily I've learn from my past, so I won't make that mistake again. No more commitment problems for me! If I find the girl I'm suppose to marry now, so be it. Haha so many of my friends still think it's too early for that, but I don't care
With my last relationship, I put in more effort than he did and in the end, it screwed me over. I've definitely learned to not invest so much in a guy who doesn't give me the same respect.
I think my main problem is i don't guard my heart.:) i always fall for the guy more than he falls for me as a result, i m hurt more.
you should chase him back.
In my last relationship, I didn't really feel in love, so I think he sensed that I wasn't warming up to him as quickly as he would have liked.
I also wasn't really sure how to express my feelings so that he knew what I meant rather than just assuming I was an insecure bitch.
And I am a terrible kisser. I'm sure that's a big part of the reason we broke up. I'm just not very good at kissing, since I didn't start until I was 24, and I discovered I didn't like it much, and it's hard to get into something when you don't enjoy it enough to see it as more than a duty.
My mistake? I didn't wait long enough until he's ready to make our relationship work again. I gave up so soon that I when he was ready to come back, I was kinda with someone else and in the end, I blamed myself for not waiting for him because if I did, we could have been together until now. But it was a long time ago, I am done thinking about it. We both have moved on and remained friends. Though I am not with someone else right now, I am in love with a very nice man and I promised myself that I am not going to give up on him, I will wait for him for as long as I can. :)
My biggest issue in the past was actually being "too understanding" and not cutting my losses a lot quicker in relationships that were essentially doomed. The examples are too numerous to list here, but suffice it to say that between the mama's boys and the head cases and abusers, I've given way too wide a berth for way too long with some guys.
On the upside, however, the frustration that came from that has changed me for the better, and I'm now a lot more assertive when it regards things that are a threat to my relationship. I don't put up with ANYTHING--not drug use, not pornography or smut, not being second fiddle to anyone, not excessive drinking, not insulting language, NOTHING. And what I've found is that, while to some guys I might seem like a bitch (mostly mama's boys who love getting high, drunk, and looking at porn or going to strip clubs, LOL), My own sweetheart tells me that he's a better person for having me in his life and demanding a high standard of behavior from him. So...it's all worked out. Just wish I hadn't had to learn the hard way, LOL.
I jumped into the relationship too quickly, and I didn't give it a chance to become what the guy wanted it to be. I wasn't myself, and in the end I lost a really great friend. I still regret it.
Yes, he would always threaten to end the relashinship lol ^^;
The only ex that I can tell you that I still love, I messed that up. I messed it up when my bipolar got out of control. I was undiagnosed, and my anger and depression just sort of took control. I became clingy and so dependent that if he wasn't with me 24/7 I was upsest. Eventually, he began to resent me, since I was never happy without him, but when we were together, all I did was pick fights with him.. it fell apart when my anger got so out of control, I threw him into a closet..
Lucky for me, he broke up with me, and stood by my side as I made my first therapist appointments, and he was with me when I went to the emergecy room so I could be sent to a mental hospital for help after a suicide attempt. He's one of my most trusted friends now.. and I'm so lucky that he was in my life during that time..
That doesn't change the fact that if I could take it all back, I'd atleast break up with him for some sane reason, instead of being broken up with because I went crazy!
I fell in love is what I did wrong..
where did i go wrong?
i just don't know how to pick em hahaa
and i jump into relationships to quickly :/
I stopped loving myself for loving him...I left everything, he was my world. Turned out to be a bag full of lies..
He cheated on me, used me, put me in a lot of troubles, did drugs and even was a dealer. I didn't knew anything about this until I hit rock bottom and finally had the strength to left him. We were together for 5 years
Its been 3 years since the last time I saw him and I think a every day on how could I get revenge haha no, seriously, Im working on my healing, I dont want to spend all my life hating him, I want to be happy and forgive him but mostly forgive myself.
I was sick and obsessed with him and he is a manipulative little b*tch, not a good combination, but I learned a lot...thankfully 3 days later after I left him I met the most amazing guy in the world who had helped me though this and stayed by myside in the toughest moments
Where did I go wrong?
I jumped into it way too quickly. I'm barely even friends with the guy and already I want to be the gf.
my mistake:
i don't like putting all my trust into someone... if i feel like i'm getting to close i get scared and just well, leg it >.<