Miss Penguin There are three little words that strike terror into the hearts of those not ready to say or hear them and joy into the hearts of those who are. You know what words I'm talking about.
I. Love. You.I used to be a total commitment-phobe and for some reason (in high school at least) I always ended up with guys who were way too serious for me. They would say "I love you" after just two weeks of dating or something ridiculous and I was never ready to say it back. I was very level-headed and didn't think you could know after just two weeks. I've done everything from reply "thank you" to pretending I just didn't hear it. It usually doesn't work out too well, though, if you don't say it back. But I've never been one to say "I love you" when I'm not ready to or don't mean it. I'm not going to say it back just because they said it to me. If they don't understand that I'm not ready, that's their problem and the relationship probably wouldn't work out anyway.
That's why saying it first takes so much courage. You don't know if you'll hear it back and it's pretty much one of the most intimate things you can say to someone. And even if they do say it back, there's always the chance they're just saying it back to say it back and not because they actually mean it or are ready to say it. I never said it first until my last relationship. And even then I couldn't actually bring myself to say it to his face and risk him not saying it back, so I wrote him a letter. Yeah, I know. I'm a coward. But I'd never had to say it first. And honestly, after that, I'm not sure I ever will because that didn't turn out so well.
Then there was the mortifying time I
accidentally confessed my love to Soulmate via text due to a little mix up. I still have no idea if he ever received that text or not though. And things are good between us (or as good as they can be from halfway across the world). But I don't think I've ever felt more elated and then more crushed and humiliated in a five minute time period as I did then. So I know what kind of emotions those three little words evoke.
Do you find it scary to say "I love you"? Got any good stories about the first time you or an SO said it?
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Comments (62)
When you really mean those three little words, its a relief to finally say them. Its gut-wrenching to hold them inside.
I once dated this guy who said he loved me all the time, and I wasn't ready to say it. Right away, I told him that I wasn't going to say it yet. He still kept saying it. Now, the sad fact is that, at that time, the person I talked to most on the phone was my mom. And she'd always said she loved me, and I say, "I love you too." Then, one time, I was talking to the boyfriend on the phone, and he said he loved me, and I just said, "I love you too." Of course, that was completely awkward, and after he hung up, he texted me and asked if he called me back could he hear it again. So, I told him it was an accident. What can I say, I'm a cold-hearted bitch sometimes. And it WAS an accident.
I'm like you. Either that or I'm too scared to do it first so I wait.
I was terrified when I said it to my boyfriend. He said it first and he told me that I didn't have to say anything, so that was nice. But when I was ready to say it, I was still scared. I had never said it to someone [that I was dating] before, and I thought it was a huge step. It's a really big deal [at least to me], but if you mean it, then there's no reason to hold back. If you feel confident in your feelings then go for it. You may not always get the response you want, but it feels great to finally let them know. Good luck!
the funniest time i've heard it was when we were laying in the bed, i was going in about out of sleep, and he whispered it in my ear
and i thought it was part of a dream.
When my first BF told it to me I wasn't ready either. I said "thank you" or just smiled or something like that. Yes EXTREMELY awkward!!! :-/
It does it make it sweet though when someone tells it to you and you don't hesitate in responding "I love you too." with a smile on your face and tears in your eyes because you've waited so long to hear it...
I was terrified when I said it to my boyfriend.I had been thinking about saying it for some time. But I put it out of my head. And as time passed I knew I wanted to. But godforbid I say it first. Let al,one not hear it back and have him run! After a while my friends were talking and I mentioned i might say it to him soon and they all looked at me confused wondering why i hadn't said it yet.
Anyway I was totally prepared to this one weekend, and I had kept trying to say it the entire day. and he leans over that night while im drunk off my ass all twitchy thinking about how to say it and he says "*insert name* I love you"
he beat me to it and drunkenly i didnt say it back because i was so happy he said it first. In fact i didnt say it till the next night and he was estatic i had finally said it back. Comical.
hmmmm,
i didn't say it for at least a good 4 months. Even then i was "falling" in love with her more. And then she said she loved me.
Anyway, i agree. It definitely takes more than just 2 weeks to know what "love" is for that person. Not only that, but what the definition of love is to them.
rarely used it, however, i do admit, i have used similar words in the past, for example, miss you, lub-dub (the sound of your heart if you don't already know by now), i heart you.. yeah, i know, i'm a fun lovable guy.. :P
if you used it so easily (every girl you meet and every single time), it loses its feeling..
@kruton87@xanga - haaah. nice :P
No, I don't see the big deal in it, or the fear.
i avoid saying it, even to friends and family just cause it's always awk for me. i think as a kid i threw it around way too much and nowadays i just don't say cause it always seems too corny or insincere.
It's very scary to me and I haven't said it to anyone outside my close family.
With my bf, our ILY seemed to only come out when each of us indirectly secured the knowledge that the other did in fact love the other. After being together for 5 months, I think things had definitely been building, and it was on both of our minds, though we're both kind of stubborn and prideful, so those characteristics tends to play out when there's any significant relationship milestones with us.
It started with seeing that movie "My Best Friend's Girl," and we started talking about how jason biggs comes out with ILY after only a few weeks to kate hudson, and then we started asking each other "so, have you ever done that before?" More discussion around that and the phrase, how many ppl we've said it to, etc. After dancing around the issue for a bit, it came to me asking straight out "so do you love me?" and him evading the answer and asking me the same thing back. We kept trying to get the other person to say it first (yes, we're kinda childish like that), and so I finally said "my answer to the question is yes..." After a little more of him trying to wheedle me, he said "Yes, I love you" (Ha!), and after that I responded in kind. Lol. :P
Wow... I was totally talking about this with my guy a few nights ago!
I've always dated the guys who profess their love WAY before I'm even thinking about it. My current boyfriend was completely different...The words are super important when I say them to him, it's a reminder of our devotion.
We started off as friends with benefits and his original declaration is that he wasn't looking for a relationship.
I mentioned, after he asked about a blog I had written, that while I had always loved him as a friend, I couldn't control that it was becoming more romantic. I didn't say "I love you"--as far as I knew, he still didn't want a relationship.
A few more weeks passed and one night as we laid on my front porch in the middle of summer, midst summer rain and thunder, he rolled over and looked down at me and said. "I love you."
...To which I responded, "I know"... I think about it now and I think I should have responded differently, but it was really the most appropriate response! And he said "'Kay, good."
It was the most natural thing in the world! It was a nervous thing, or a tense things, it just was. It was a conclusion that we had come to, and it just made so much sense!! I have never ever loved a person as quickly and as fully as I love him. I can't imagine "I love you" ever being the same again!
damn those 3 words, ur not a coward for writing a letter. at least he got the letter. Mine is still sitting somewhere, oh wait, ripped it up and threw it in the trash lol
With my first boyfriend, I felt pressured into saying it. It was horrible. He said it a month into our relationship!! Or was it 2 weeks in? I can't remember anymore.. I just remember I had just finished playing football with the guys & he pulled me aside & said it. I was like umm.. thanks? I totally agree with you about how you felt about those who were too serious 'cause I was just like you. I was afraid of commitment & wasn't ready to say those words & he'd throw a pissy fit so near the end, I just said it to get him off my case. Bad call on my part.
With my current boyfriend, we said it a month into our relationship but we both felt it. I believe he said it first & I teared up & said it back & we kissed. It was sweet. :) I guess I didn't mind it when he said it 'cause it just felt right.. probably due to the fact that we had been friends for almost 2 years before we started dating so I felt more comfortable with him. I did feel scared about maybe being the first to say it 'cause I felt it so early on...
my bf read it in my diary =/
then he bothered me about it all the time...bothered as in teased he never said it back though. we had a conversation about it and he said he felt strongly about me but he wasnt ready to say that.
then he got drunk and calls me and he's like "yo i love you. i love you so much but i'm toos cared to say it to you. and when you mention it again i'm going to deny it. but you're the best girlfriend a guy could ever have. you listen you're always there....etc" and then i was like speechless...then he sobered up and of course i brought it up and he denied it at first but then he fessed up.
then later on my friend who is close to him told me how he fessed up to her about how much he loves me and how i'm the girl he wants to marry before he ever told me. and i believe her b/c he's scared of expressing those types of deep feelings.
yeaa that made me pretty happy... that was the first time i've ever been in love and hopefully it does last forever...
i do love him a lot =] although it's not always the easiest or the best....
My boyfriend and I were friends for two or three years before we started dating, and we had told each other we loved one another before we began dating. But when I decided I was IN love with him (there's a difference, if you ask me) it took me months to say it. Every single time we were alone together I tried to gather the courage to tell him, but I never seemed to be able to. But the over the Christmas holiday he spent a lot of nights over at my house. It was the day before New Year's Eve, I believe, and we were lying in my bed cuddling and talking. It was probably four or five in the morning and we hadn't gone to sleep yet. Whether it was because I was tired or whether I just wasn't worried anymore, I don't know. But I told him, "I'm in love with you." He said, "Aw. I love you." I got the clue--he wasn't in love with me. But it didn't really hurt our relationship. I was so relived just to have him finally know. And he eventually did tell me he was in love with me. It took him another year, but I'd rather have him take his time and mean it when he said it. I thought the way he handled it worked pretty well.
i say it a lot when i texted, but only a couple times when it's face-to-face. man.... it isn't easy.
I. Don't. Say. Them. Ever. I came close once though, I was sixteen and we had been on and off for two years. He said he was in love with me one, but I pretended I didn't hear him. Then he looked me in the eyes and said it, and I did the most logical thing I could think of, I slapped him across the face, then wrote a letter confessing something LIKE love to him. I never say it first regardless...this includes anything involving close family whom I DO love, I just can't say it first.
haha. when my boyfriend asked me out, I got crazy and all that but since it was my first relationship ever I didn't really know all the words and when you were supposed to say them and technical things like that. I was so excited about what was going on and accidentally said that I loved him without thinking. soo pretty much it embarrased me and him at the same time.
good times, good times :]
I think it's horrifying.
BUT I do remember the first time my ex said he loved me. I actually laughed in his face, and I couldn't stop laughing. When I finally did all I could mutter was "umm...you too." It's not like I didn't mean it because I did, but on top of being completely mortified by those words I was nervous to all hell.
@kruton87@xanga - lol that had to be awkward.
Ive been with my current for 5 years now, and after a month or two, i remembered he told me in my mid-sleep when we both laid down on the couch watching a movie. We had been really close friends for about a year and a half before we started dating. Hearing it dafinately made my heart skip a beat, and yeaup, i was still in highschool.
I didnt say anything then, because i wasnt sure if he said it at first...then about 2 days later, after sucking it up. He had come and given me a hug and kiss from behind, and he said it again, and I told him "i love you" back.
It still feels awsome to hear, but sure was hell trying to get out that first time.