Mr. LionA close friend of mine emailed me yesterday complaining about her life. She described her feelings of sadness and having a void in her life but left out why. It was obvious even though she wouldn't admit it - she's having relationship withdrawal after breaking up. Her boyfriend broke up with her about a month ago, and she seemed just fine.
In fact, she'd been happy for the past month or so, even saying she didn't need him around. She went out to parties, spent time with her girlfriends and seemed just fine. Now she's sad and feeling lonely all of a sudden. I realized this is consistent with all relationships that end; there's a window of about a month where both sides are "happy" after breaking up. They do their own thing and love it, but when the loneliness finally catches up with them, they break down. They can't live without their exes and want them or constantly talk about them. I've seen it so many times and I'm seeing it again with my friend. It's a cycle, and those caught inside of it cannot get out of it and stay in denial.
Do you think there's a window of "happiness" after breaking up? Has this ever happened to you or anyone you know?
Comments (49)
There is happiness after breaking up with the "ex".You cannot just simply give up life just because you had a bad love experience.There are lots of happy things to do other than love.Open your mind and you'll free of these frustrating mood.
sure there is, oneself just need to accept and learn to be by oneself all over again.
It's not that I'm sad I'm not with him, I'm sad he refuses to acknowledge what we had, my existence and his reluctance to remain friends.
Oh well.
Well I broke up with a guy recently. I'm pretty good for now. I broke up with him for reasons and he said he understood.
Not going to lie, I found out like two days later he's been all over another girl and it bummed me out.
The only sketchy thing is I'm wondering if they had been communicating cause friendships don't bloom literally within hours of being single.
I'll deal and get over it. Besides I'm young and I have school and my track career to deal with.
for me, its never really just a window of happiness. after a breakup, i feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. hah. makes me wonder what kind of shitty relationships i've been in...
oh yes. the first day i had totally to myself to hang out with whoever i wanted and do whatever i wanted... i felt SO free. we were just taking a break from each other for a week, but it was so amazingly good to be my own person again that i didn't ever go back. but then, my window of happiness has been about a year and a half and counting, so maybe that doesn't count, lol
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - I think your comment was right on!
I was the one that initiated the break up with my bf of almost 2 yrs - and it was kind of mutual. As much as we still care about each other, we realized that we had grown apart and needed to focus on our own things.
I was relieved afterwards, and was happy to be on my own & have time to myself. Then about a month after the break-up the dreaded PMS week came. ANYTHING will trigger tears during this time.. and sure enough...
I cried at least once a day - even though I knew it had been the right decision, emotionally it still hurt. But after about 2 weeks of tears, I was over it. Now it's been a little over 2 months after the break-up, and I'm back to normal. =]
in it right now myself. denial is where most people get trapped in, like myself. We want to believe so badly that the Ex was not a "bad" person (bad= cheater, liar, manipulator, con-artist, and so forth). We want to have some sort of "hope" that things will work itself out. I just found out a lot of shietty-details about my Ex (after a 1.5 years relationship). If you have read the entry about "Ex moving on fast", you should. It explains some. I think coping with the "truth" and "facts" can be a challenge but I think we are all capable of doing so. As cliche as it may sound, it takes time. I am hoping to give myself another month to take all the new information in (it's already 1 month post-break up that I'm learning all these new stuff about him) and "get over it".
i think closure is easier to get if two people were honest. I dont have much closure so hurting/feeling down and low and totally out of place is normal.
I hate that people just don't own up to their wrongdoings. When it's a break-up, you would think that it's time to fess up. The thing that makes me so emotional is that I have to accept that a player/liar/manipulator wants his cake and eat it too. That to me is disgusting!! What a dog.
Though i was the one to break up with him, his ways to guilt me and twist my stories to make it his own has been more tormenting. I told his ass to go suck it!!
now i'm dealing with, not the lonliness but the acceptance that he's a dog and deserves no sympathy from me whatsoever. I'd hate to hate him but hey if that helps, do it, walk away and never look back!
depending on how the relationship ended, there can be a window of happiness at your new profound freedom. even speaking from personal experience, when you break up with someone, and you used to do certain things together, you dont want to do those things anymore, or it feels funny doing it without them
I'm still enjoying my time alone. I've not had a boyfriend for over a year and a half, and I've not been in another relationship because I feel it's too much of a hassle. That's probably a problem I have, but I just don't know how to change that. I just enjoy the single life too much. I like doing things on my own time and not worrying about balance more than I already have to. I'm always trying to balance time with friends and family, and I don't know how I'd adjust if I had a boyfriend.
I am going through it right now. The end of the happiness phase that is. It could be because I was still talking to my boyfriend afterwards, and now I've finally accepted that we won't be getting back together.
It is really, really hard. But not everyone going through it is in denial. I know perfectly well what's good for me and what's not, what's healthy to feel and what I should be thinking. But you can't change how you do feel, and sometimes knowing what's right isn't enough of a motivating force against the strong feelings you have for that person. Am I proud of it? Not particularly. Nobody likes to let someone have that kind of power over themselves. But it is a vicious cycle, I'll give you that. I'd give anything to be out of it one way or another.
Oh my goodness, I thought I was the only one to have this month-long period of relief followed by the regret/sadness phase, haha. That's exactly what happened to me last time I dated someone--I broke up with him/it was "mutual", felt liberated and happy for a month and dated other guys, and then a month later, when I was talking somewhat seriously with a guy and then found out he was talking with/somewhat liked this girl who had been obsessive about my ex since before we even dated--and I fell apart. Things didn't work out for them, and we of course never got back together, but I used to think it was strange that I was so ok for a month and then fell apart. I guess it's not as unusual as I thought!
That window of happiness is ending for me right now.We had been going out a year and 10 months when he broke up with me. He was my first boyfriend. I loved him, and I still do.I'm going out with a new guy now, but we both know I'm still not over my ex.It seems like my ex has completely moved on,and he thinks I'm a drama queen and says he feels sorry for my new boyfriend for getting the worst part of me,because I'm mean now. It's true, I am meaner now, but I wish he hadn't aid that.
I know it's so stupid, but I still love him.It feels like after a while apart we'll get back together.He says he has his eye on two girls, but right now he just really wants to be a bachelor.It broke me when he left me. And I still am not myself.I stil cry over it I'm talking to more people now, but it's not me. I'm trying to keep myself distracted but I don't know how long I can keep it up. I really don't want to always be this mean.
I don't think there's a "window" that can be applied to everyone. I was relieved/happy when my ex and I broke up...and that happiness has lasted right through to me dating my current boyfriend. However, I've never really been one of those girls that needs to have someone by her side - I've got so much going on (school/career/other friends & interests) otherwise that I don't really allow myself time to dwell & get upset over being 'alone.'
i kind of feeling the same way now as your friend. my ex and i recently broke up after dating for almost 2 years. i was sad at the beginning, but i started to move on really quick and life's been pretty good then. until lately i have these awkward feelings, i miss him alot and think of him every other second. however, i believe those are just temporary and it's okay.
I never had the sad syndrome with my ex...i caught him in bed with someone else...
I went from Happy that the other girl did me a favor and that she could take that loser off my back
Angry that he could be such and asshole
then ever-so- happy to find that i could find someone better for me, and that I didnt have an STD from him sleeping around with girls while he was with me.
Oh, damn, im still in glee over that crap.
Yeah. But every time I saw her afterward another rush would come and all I could do was hold on until it passed. It's getting much better though.
this is really tiring. I'm going through it right now but, to quote jason mraz 'I wont worry my life away'
heck that guy i'm hung up on has only been with me for 8 months and we broke up twice!
i've been here before, and it certainly was hard but a lot of things have happened ever since! i gained straight a's for my important exam during that period. to be honest, me and my ex, i think we still like each other in a way. somehow..
(he's my classmate) :P
My first window of happiness varied? I'd be happy during the day when I attended school, but then when I got home, I'd feel like crap and like a zombie. I think school just took my mind off of it, so I never really had a window, I guess. Besides the night of, I blared "So What" by Pink and changed up my myspace and such.
Sometimes.
idk you might call there was a rebound right after, but i dont know.. maybe i was really looking for an excuse loooong ago to break it off because i really didnt see it in the long term.
Yea, I definitely had experienced that with the previous relationship.
Yes. I had started casually dating a guy last December and we 'broke up' in early January. What was acutally a month felt like much longer because our realtionship was just so good. I thought I could easily fall in love with him. But one day I saw the true person he was and broke it off.
We went a few weeks without speaking, then we started knocking boots every once and while. Finally, I broke it off for good..in June. It took me 5 months to realize I was fooling myself. I knew better than to think I could change him, or to think I could do the friends with benefits thing. To each his own, but it's just not my thing.