This is a guest blog submitted by Bob.Thinking back on the reasons I first started dating my girlfriend, and even now as I learned more about her, I can say I fell for her because she's strong, persistent, self-sufficient and firm to her beliefs.
Recently, she told me that if something didn't intervene (like the situation of the moment), she'd probably have slept with all these guys at her school. If she wasn't at a public place, or if her mom wasn't home, she said she would've slept with those guys even if she didn't want to. I wouldn't mind if she slept with someone before she loved them, or it was a serious relationship. But she told me she wanted to sleep with them to be popular, to make some girls jealous, to be able to brag about it.
I don't know. I do know I mind, though. It feels like the foundation of what I originally liked about her is gone. Firm to her ideals? Strong? Where did all those characteristics go? She told me she wanted to at least give her first to someone she could see a good future with, but then she would've slept with them to be popular. She said that the reason she would've was because -- well, left and right, she saw all these people talking behind her back, and she wanted to be popular to get back at them. Something like that.
I can understand if a person has sex for love, for genuine mental intimacy or even for carnal pleasures. Those a re often the result of sex, excluding the pain and emotional turmoil. But what about to be popular? To get other people jealous? To be able to brag about it? To have to fake like you want to do it -- even though she didn't want to do it but would've -- just to be popular? That has nothing to do with sex, like marrying for money.
Is that slutty, even though she technically never slept with them? What is slutty?
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Comments (59)
WOW. If she did sleep w/ those guys, then I would think that's slutty. Not just slutty but I'd imagine it to be a little risky. Sure, she may be smart enough to use protection but it's not going to protect her from ALL kinds of STDs. I can understand that someone enjoys sex but good grief... not with MULTIPLE partners. I dont know. Whatever rocks her boat I guess. But I'd definitely lose respect for her if she were my friend. Sorry...
I never thought sex to be something to brag about. I certainly don't. I don't want everyone knowing my buisness.
Man, I think she's opening up to you.
She's telling you about the pressures that a girl feels to be accepted and loved, and the things that many girls give up in exchange for those. She feels the pressures too even if she doesn't act on them.
Keep it together; don't freak out. This is your peek at her insecurities and all; don't blow up.
Im surprised she shared that with you
thats not something you tell a current boyfriend. That is def slutty thinking but i wouldn't say she is.
I completely understand how you could lose some respect for her after that. I don't like to use the world slutty, but using sex as a "weapon" to get back at those around you is just sleazy. To me, sex is a sacred expression of love, or at the very least desire. It just seems kind of lame and immature that she would use it to get back at people.
I totally agree with Moritheil...
It seems like an odd thing to share with somebody that you like, at first glance, perhaps. But she's opening up to you. Think about it. Talk to her, I'm sure she's matured since she felt like this.
If you're bothered by it, talk to her about it. Don't immediately give up though.
slutty is a pejorative term for a person who is deemed sexually promiscuous. The term has traditionally been applied to women and is generally used as an insult or offensive term of disparagement.
Slut has also been reclaimed as a slang term in the BDSM, polyamorous and gay and bisexual communities. It may be used by the person concerned as an expression of pride in their status, or to express envy at the "success rate" of others. It may be used by the person concerned as an expression of pride in their status, or to express envy at the "success rate" of others.
Having sex to be popular is not slutty; its called peer pressure.
"she wanted to be popular to get back at them."
Great men do not seek power; it is thrust upon them. however; Revenge is a dish best served cold.....
To be able to brag about it? yes but unless you have something to show for it; its not worth bragging about. after all you cannot loosen a man's tongue with root beer.
She obviously has some emotional issues that she needs to work through, low self-esteem issues and more.
I'm happy that she found someone who cares, but right now it might be best to support her in other ways...help her sort her fears of not being accepted out.
I agree both with Moritheil and Super___Connected; so I won't repeat it again lol.
But having sex just to be popular? Now that's slutty and immoral in my point of view. I also wouldn't want anyone in my business. Personal much?
I think it's slutty to say that, but she would be defined as a whore if she did.
Sex shouldn't make anyone popular. It's a private thing. Let's keep it on the DL.
if she weren't strong, persistent, self sufficient blah blah blah now, she wouldn't have been able to tell you these things. everyone deals with peer pressure, insecurities etc growing up. some deal with drugs. others, sex. leave her alone. you should be glad for her that she didn't find the privacy to do these things.
seems to me that she needs to get her priorities straight.
if anything, you should brag about how much of a better boyfriend you have or something that couldn't harm her future.
or just live for her and not for others.
yeah, that sounds simple enough.
I think she's the girl she has always been. When it came down to it, I bet she wouldn't have been able to have sex with someone she didnt love for the first time. What she meant was that she was feeling pretty desperate for attention before you came along.
She was being honest. Love her for it.
it seems like she has huge self esteem issues, at least before she met you. Since she only thought about it and did not do it i wouldnt called her a slut. Maybe an almost slut
. @thinkpinkpanther@xanga is right; now it be best to just support her
There are two ways to look at this. One, she is REALLY opening up to you. By telling you this, she is sharing the problem she had in the past and what other girls go through in life. Be accepted by guys and girls, the pressure they feel to fit in by social standard. Two, deep down inside she is just a slut, period.
take her for who she is. If you truly love her, then possibly respect the "past" views she had.
@moritheil@xanga - Agreed again.
Maybe she was strong and firm to her beliefs when you met her. But that doesn't mean she always was. People change, generally they become who they are for a reason. Be glad for her. And different people will have different views on what's slutty and what isn't. Your judgement of your girlfriend really shouldn't depend on how other people might define her.
Slutty idea, but I wouldn't consider her a slut because of it. I agree with Roadlesstaken, sounds like a severe lack in self esteem, or just the need of "school" conformity.
Hopefully shes gotten over it, and realized how silly of an idea was...
...or what happens next time she needs attention?
i would think:
slutty: a girl who flirts and leads on..anything but sex ot physical (???)
whore: one who sleeps with random guys
I wouldn't consider her a slut. sorry for the whore part, im NOT trying to say she is one.
I think she just wants people to notice her....a lot.
like talk about her. say what she does, with who, why, where and when.
It looks like she want attention...in a bady way =/
Sleeping with people to be popular....that wont make you popular in a GOOD WAY. FYI...but if she wants popularity, shed get it.
But on the other hand, shes just being open and telling her thoughts. Just hope she actually doesnt.
people do change. whether it be a positive or negative impact.
Give it time, and see what happens.
Maybe its just a phase she's going through.
Women are fucking crazy. Even when we're strong we're weak. The fact that she TOLD you this should renew your trust your relationship. She's strong enough to tell you and let go of that crap.
And. It was high school. Jesus. High school is FUCKED up. It happens.
honestly... if my boyfriend told me he would've slept with a bunch of other girls unless something intervened... I would've kicked him to the curb on the spot.
I don't know about you, but i think it's kind of offensive that your girlfriend would be that easy... just to be popular. Uh, hello? Talk about mental issues... if you're gonna sleep around like that just to be popular in high school, imagine what might happen later in life, dude.
Truly, I think this might be early signs of some insecurity problems. I would either:
A.) Recommend talking this out with her if you really feel you like her...a lot.
B.) Stay your distance for a while, and eventually ease her away. She sounds like bad news, no offense.
That's straight up slutty if she did sleep with all those guys, even if it was trying to be popular or not. That's totally disgusting for her to even think about sleeping with them all.
she just thought about it...she did not really do it...so its not considered slutty
humans think all kind of stuff....
Just because people say something, it doesn't mean that they're going to do it, or that they 100% mean it. She sounds like she was going through a tough time. I think what's important in the end is that she didn't do it. The excuses why she didn't do it doesn't seem strong enough, you can go around and sleep with people even if your mum is home.
Going through that may have made her stronger and to the person she is now.