Thursday, 13 November 2008
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Is Being Forward A Bad Thing?
My friend Mary and I went to Puccini's last night, which is one of those restaurants where you're not sure if the food is good enough to distract you from the bad service. While we were there, Mary filled me in on the developments in her love life. Or maybe I should say sex life.
She's attracted to two guys. The first is Luke, her physics lab partner. Their relationship was purely academic and casual until one day they decided to go to dinner together and it became a date. They had good chemistry so they hung out again on Halloween, drinking and smoking and playing guitar. I am totally against smoking, but Mary is one of those people who make it glamorous and sexy. In fact, Mary is a very glamorous and sexy girl herself. She's fashionable, actually has a body instead of a stick, enjoys a good meal and a good book, and knows how to party and how to be a good student. She's perfect in every way. Which is what Luke said to her after a night of (almost) sex (if you know what I mean). He sounded sincere and Mary was beginning to see herself in a relationship with him. Unfortunately she was tossed aside for the bitch ex-girlfriend in Boston.
A couple days later, she met Mathew and they hit it off really well and she ended up sleeping with him. He was the best sex she ever had and she would casually flirt with him, hoping their relationship would grow. And then he never called again, indicating that this was just a one-night stand. Mary knew that one night of sex doesn't amount to a relationship but she thought since the sex was so good, he'd call her again.
It's said that guys like the chase; they like playing the game. Mary herself knows this but, as she puts it, "Playing games doesn't get me laid." It made me wonder: was Mary's forwardness her undoing? Is Mary doomed to a life of one-night stands? In your opinion, does being sexually forward mean not being taken seriously?
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Comments (33)
hummmm i guess it can be. but doctor house does it all the time!
In a word, yes.
I love your use of biblical names in this entry...Mary...Luke... Matthew...
playing games sucks and people lie; everyone does it; sometimes its better to tell a lie then to be front for some people. it all depends on the person i should say.
In your opinion, does being sexually forward mean not being taken seriously?
Yes. You can't have a serious relationship when you take things too fast. haha, sucks for her . Good girls - the most adoring ones - still can get taken advantage of. The guy clearly states it's only a one-night stand..and it's pretty much self-explanatory. She was looking for more than sex. He wasn't. He only wanted to fuck her. And he got that. Sadly..ur a guy, right? Then you should know that situation. Guys who only want to fuck don't give a fuck about the girl.
Like I said,
She's good enough to fuck. but not good enough to be my girl.
@insaneblogger@xanga - lol what a way to notice things lol
Yes. Unfortunately, guys DO like the chase and they DO get bored and they DO lose interest. They are odd and greedy creatures.
Girls should not give it up so easily even if they want to get laid....Majority of the time, once you sleep with em quickly, you automatically get put into a category.
Do not get classified into that category, Ladies.
I'm sorry. If you're looking for a relationship, wait til you have it before jumping in the sack with someone. Guys might go for one-night stands, but that's PROBABLY all it's going to be. Because even guys know that an easy girl is easy for everyone. No offense to anyone who does the one-night stand thing.
I have a friend who does the friends with benefits thing. Then, when she develops feelings for the guy, she can't figure out why he won't even consider a relationship. Honey, you just let him walk all over you and use you, and you used him too. And he knows you'll sleep with guys you're not in a relationship with. That means 1) you don't respect yourself, 2) you don't respect him, and 3) there's an increased risk that you'll cheat on him.
If you move too fast, there's no point in a relationship. I'm alright with people for one night stands, but if you're looking for a relationship, she's barking up the wrong tree.
Being forward? Not bad.
Sleeping with the guy and implying that you just want sex when you want a relationship? Bad.
She needs to slow her role if she wanna be consider for more than just an easy lay.
I disagree completely. I ended up in bed with my future husband within an hour of meeting him for the first time
it just means she's choosing the wrong guys :-\ it sucks that with her way of looking for a special person she has to go through this, but its the same as with any other dating style, sometimes the first date goes well, other times not...
ive been with with a Matthew for 3 years now, so i think your friend still has a chance for something good without losing herself
This is actually quite a complicated matter. I could go on for hours on this, but I will get straight to the point and keep it as short as possible. So, bare with me.
Does being sexually forward mean not being taken seriously? Not necessary. At times it does, at times it doesn't. It REALLY depends on who the person is. With that being said, guys AND girls like the chase...aka playing the game...period. When there is no chase or the chase is too easy, people become bored and they move on to the next target. Even if the guy/girl is a good boyfriend/girlfriend material. It is b/c of this, you get the question above.
Your friend is not doomed, she just happens to meet a guy who found her attractive and only wanted to fuck her. The best course of action for her is to slowly down to gage how much the guy wants to be with her. If sex is all the guy is looking for, he will ONLY do so much work before they move on to the next girl.
@immaairheadxl@xanga - those were harsh words, and I agree with them to some extent.
I guess I am that harsh too.
@lightscripture@xanga - i am quite blunt..=\ lol, sorry..Some girls look in the wrong places..as amazing as they COULD be.. they fall for the wrong ones..and especially by doing the wrong things..
@kruton87@xanga - i couldn't agree more.
@germ_cookies@xanga - you're one in a million.
Depends how you define "forward". It took me a few seconds to get that how she was "forward" was that she moves a bit fast in the "stages" relationships typically go through.
I understand that, that's how people tend to do things these days...but then we begin to wonder why relationships don't last.
It took me a few seconds, because I've only ever heard of someone being "rather forward" in more old fashioned types of context. Normally it'd be applied to men who were more outgoing and bold (but usually still very much gentlemen) in terms of how they expressed their interest in ladies.
In the old fashioned case, this is OK. But your friend going a bit fast is probably unlikely to bring her good results.
Quick results, quick "benefits" normally only brings people who want quick benefits...not anything worthwhile.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with one night stands, or sleeping with people you're interested in a few days after meeting them, I'm just saying that her methods might not really mesh with what she's looking for.
But far be it for me to say. I'm not one who'll date people casually or easily, I make people jump through hoops before I even consider a relationship. And it takes a long (min. 2 years) time for me to consider sex with them, even after the relationship takes off. These methods have been developed as a sort of armor for me, when I encounter jerks or people who won't end up being good for me in the future. It weeds them out decently, and since I have a low libido and relationships aren't marked on my list of priorities...my methods work for me.
Your friend will just have to figure out some methods which'll work for her.
depends on the person. but usually, in my opinion, being a one night stand = not really being taken seriously...
Are you sure she really wants a relationship? Cos it kinda sounds like she's more interested in the sex. In which case, no, she isn't 'doomed to a life of one night stands', she just hasn't found someone who she's connected with enough for them both to actually want a relationship (as opposed to just more good sex) and if she isn't connecting with anyone yet then it doesn't really matter what she does in the meantime. Just my view...
No. Â Mary is creating life experiences for herself. Â Anyone who places that much emphasis on the meaning of sex, has their priorities wrong.
Nothing wrong with being forward, but being forward too soon will get you into trouble. Once you've had sex with someone, it can feel like, well, what else is there, other than more sex? If it happens too soon, no building up to it, it probably will be a one time thing. To me, half the fun is building up the tension.
You have to let the guy get to know you before you put out, make him realize that you are more than a pair of legs with a vagina. Like another poster said, if they are only interested in sex they will only be willing to go so far before quitting.
always make the guys want you** MORE than you want them
sadly yes. Â guys are terrible that way. Â they don't value you if you don't "value" yourself, in other words are too easy and they don't have to work for it. Â if this is what mary wants then I suggest she do what she is comfortable with, but when it starts bothering her then she might have to think about the current situation. Â I say change only when she feel like she wants to change not b/c other dictate it for her.
being sexually forward doesn't mean you don't value yourself or that you are desperate or any of that. guys just like to tell themselves that so they don't have to feel guilty for being bitches to girls
: P
i'm sexually aggressive and while it hasn't always ended in romantic relationships i've always ended up being at least friends with the guys... and not FWB type of friends either. and usually i end up being friends with their friends too, male & female. maybe i just demand respect so the guys can't try and pull that "she doesn't value herself" crap LOL