It's Virginity Week here at Datingish!
This is a guest blog submitted by causeimrussian. This may seem like a strange question, but is a girl's virginity a turn-on or -off?
Speaking from experience and a girl's perspective, I would say -off - guys are supposed to come with the skills and experience, not the other way around. But I haven't been able to figure out what it would be from a guy's perspective. I think that some guys would find this romantic - being the first man she could express her love with. On the other hand, some may find this somewhat bothersome.
So bear with me: You find out that the girl you're dating is a virgin; do you dump her for someone with experience or take this as an opportunity to "deflower" her? Is it really a pleasure for guys to be the first, like they show in the movies? Or would you rather be with a more experienced girl?
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Comments (122)
I "deflowered" a guy I was dating, and it was absolutely horrific. I have to say it's downright disgusting to try and have sex with a virgin. What a turn off. I'd rather my boyfriend have screwed a girl when he was 16 and know where to put it, instead of fiddling around, sweaty hands and shit.
What a turn off. I guess that's why a lot of girls go for older guys.
Ew.
Virgin = major turn off.
Well, my fiance and I were virgins when we first had sex. He told me that it was really special to him that I loved and trusted him enough to give him my "special gift". It was uncomfortable at first for me, but I think most peoples first times are. It was a really wonderful experience for the both of us though. I think it made it that more special.
I guess from a guy's perspective, they might like having a virgin for the obvious reason. I wouldn't choose to date a guy that was a virgin because it would be an awkward situation. But it seems to me that the guys I have had sex with were like virgins only with experience because I didn't enjoy it nor did it seem like they knew what they were doing. And I've only had 3 partners.
lol well if your looking for a good time stay away form virgins! they don't know how it will feel, will it hurt, will i bleed, will it fit?
too much pressure.
for all you virgins out there, bless your heart. hope for love, cause then they partner will hopefully take their time and you won't be worrying about whether or not you are doing it right
virgin on virgin? big no no! that's how juno happened. (jk) but careful careful
In my experience, the whole virginity this is kind of blown out of proportion.
I'm glad I got the emotional attachment/baggage out of the way before I found the amazing guy I'm with now. We had both gotten the technicalities out of the way so that we could enjoy each other rather than (as @haloed@xanga put it so eloquently) deal with "fiddling around, sweaty hands and shit."
If you stay with the guy/gal who was your "first" that can be a powerful bond in your relationship--even a "turn on", I guess.
If you don't, then maybe that semi-experience (read: not a HOJILLION partners) can also be a turn-on. It may mean they know what they're doing to some people, or have some fun suggestions! :P
Some guys do like the idea of being a girl's "first". I would put money on that only small percentage of guys are actually like that. Reason being, if a takes a girl's virginity most likely the girl will get attached to the guy. And many guys (in my opinion) don't want that kind of attachment. Now to answer your question, I would never dump a girl just b/d she is a virgin. It has no affect on how I feel about a girl.
It is kind of funny how you said, you like a guy with experience. I have been told by girls they actually find virgin guys attractive, I guess they were just lying to make themselves sound good in front of others. A guy has to be experienced, be good kisser, good jewel size, be able to take g/f on nice dates, take a girl shopping, ditch friends for g/f, and etc. Damn, it's hard to be a guy these days...haha
I don't think it matters that much either way.
Virgin is not a selling point... Why would anyone think that?
Me and my boyfriend were both virgins.
The first time was horrible!
But after that, it's been great everytime!
And I'm glad that he was a virgin, if he wasn't I probably wouldn't have had sex with him.
Interesting topic! I'm kinda up in the air on this one. Virginity is good tho because you know that they have not "slept around." Then again, many people who have had only one partner tend to wonder what it would be like to be with someone else.
I lost my virginity to my high school sweet heart. We were both virgins and it was verry special for us. It wasn't exactly the most pleasurable experience tho, it hurt.
I also was given someones virginity a few years back. Funny enough it was a turn on, I had no clue he was! It was great and he didn't tell me he was a virgin untill afterwards. I was a little pissed at him for not telling me, but definately not "fiddiling" around, bad, nor any of those things. I would have never known if he had not of told me.
Having sex as a virgin with a virgin is definitely a turn-off because neither person knows what exactly to do. Experienced guys are much better.
i think virginity is a turn on especially when you are in love because
then you know there was no one else before you who was especial enough
to have sex with.
I <3 virgins. lol. I regret not being one when i met my husband. It's something special i wish i had only shared with him.
@tony_asian_tiger@xanga - Great comment.
Virginity isn't really a big factor for me. I probably be okay with w/e, unless the girl had slept around with everything that moves or something.
Wow. How about we stop objectifying everyone's sexuality and treat them as actual human individuals? Your post makes virginity sound like some kind of fetish, not simply a state of being, or a state of mind. Everyone has different standards for what virginity is. If I had a dollar for every time I heard the phrase "technically a virgin" I'd be a rich woman. According to your post, you'd already be dating this girl or guy you've decided to sleep with, which means you obviously like them for lots of other reasons besides their sexual history. So why would one way or the other matter? If you really like/love/value the person you're dating then it's a non-issue.
I think this question is such a fail or rather the responses. I didn't already feel insecure about my utter lack of horizontal cha cha cha then Xangans telling me I need to hurry the hell up and do the damn thing so I'm not considered untouched/unwanted/undesirable goods. Thanks folks.
@Moktral@xanga - Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Not many of the responses so far are very encouraging, huh?
Well, there are people out there that don't feel the same way (if that's what others are looking for, of course). But, I guess this is one case, where "to each his own" is, at least, somewhat applicable...even if it isn't desirable.
It is a bit disheartening, though, that there are so many who feel that way (that have replied so far, I mean) when you feel the opposite way.
For me my first choice it would be a turn on if she was a virgin, however if she had some experience I be cool with it.
I wish I had been a virgin for my husband. And vise-versa. But, since neither of us were virgins, at least
that doesn't leave one of us feeling bad about the past - and neither
of us were whores, so that's good too. But, I think it would have been
great if we both could have been each other's first.
Virginity's a turn off?
And this is why people are so prone to lose it at a young age and then years later end up regretting it (most of them, not all)
But to answer your question, I don't think a guy being a virgin is a turn-off. If he is, I'll feel glad that I found him, truly.
I definitely think virginity is a turn on. I wouln't want to have to deal with emotional baggage from past relationships...oor have to constantly worry if my guy was thinking about his last partner in bed.... Plus (my own personal choice), I'm waiting until after marriage to have sex [don't care if that's a turn off to most of you] and if I'm going to give my husband that, I would prefer him to save himself for me alone as well.. But, at the same time, if he has a past, it isn't a deal breaker, but it would be hard for me
Why does it matter if they're a virgin or not? Sure things may get awkward at first, but it's all part of growing and learning. I think that what matters most is what's inside, and not what has been inside nor where they have been inside.
me and my bf both lost it to each other
i wouldnt say that it's a turn on but it's not a turn off. i was glad to have done it with him even though neither of us really knew what we were doing. at the end of the day we didnt get the expected results..lol..but we were both happy and since then it's been a learning experience for both of us. we experiment with everything and learn things together.
now we had broken up for a few months and i started dating this guy (as a rebound and to get the first guy jealous) and that guy was also a virgin and the fact that he didnt know anything frustrated me. i wasnt turned off but i def wasnt turned on the way i would like to be. and i didnt wanna go through the whole teaching him thing. we didnt have sex. for all i know he's still a virgin, and i went back to my ex and till this day years later we are still each others one and only and still learning.
noww when i talk to guys( my bf was on our HS football team and his friends talk about everythingg) they say that having a virgin girlfriend is kinda cool b/c it's fresh and ripe and never been penetrated. but if it's random sex a virgin is not cool b/c "virgins get attached". girls tend to try to hold on to that special guy they lost it too and they dont want to be that guy if they dont actually love the girl.
this is the end of my long response
@Moktral@xanga - My feelings, too.