Miss Polar Bear
Katy Perry sings it best in her song "One of The Boys":
"The way you look at me / is kind of like a little sister / you high five your goodbyes / and it leaves me nothing but blisters."
Oh, I hear you, Katy.
Throughout my entire life, I have always had more guy friends than girls. I traded in my Barbies for Legos, I get excited over the latest video game and nothing makes me happier than cheesy slasher/horror films and endless amounts of pizza. I roll my eyes at anything that has the color pink in it and almost nothing grosses me out. The only thing "girly" about me is that I wear makeup and can usually be found in a dress. But hey, I just find jeans uncomfortable!
So to sum it up, I am not the "stereotypical girl". I am stereotypically "one of the boys" and it's left me in the "You're so cool and such a good friend!" category of every boy I've had feelings for (save for the one boy who proclaimed me "wifey material"). If guys really do want a girl who isn't high maintenance, doesn't get jealous and will most likely be loved by their fellow "dudes" or "bros", where are girls like me going wrong?
I am going to base it on the theory that opposites attract. Maybe if you're like someone too much, it automatically puts you into the friend category because having a relationship with the person risks having a break up, which risks having them out of your life. At least that's the only situation I can come up with; too much of one thing is bad. I'm not sure I agree with this theory because I love meeting and dating people who are just like me, but I may be the only one in that club.
This situation has boggled my mind for far too long.
Have you ever experienced consequences for being a "tomboy"?
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Comments (48)
i've always been attracted to girls that are one of the boys. aint nothing wrong with it. you'll find that guy.
That's why I can never get the guys I like to like me as "a girl." It kind of sucks, but I can't do a complete 360 on my personality and be a girlie-girl. And another downside is that the guys who DO like me seem to be the feminine personality in our relationships, and as I don't like feminine men, they don't get past "friend zone."
i'm totally in that same category as far as being a tomboy goes: i hang out with primarily guys, and the girls i hang out with are on my flag football team... pretty tomboyish as well. I do occasionaly wear make-up, rarely wear dresses x-cept for church, and can most commonly be seen in gym shorts and a t-shirt or jeans and a t-shirt.. maybe a hoodie when its cold. basically I am one for comfort and am not into the typical girly scene.
And I personally love having guy friends over girlfriends: muuuch less drama! but i had the same problem in high school, all the guys i could have somewhat liked, where much more interested in the really cute and 'girly' girls, but i stuck it out with my athletic/tomboyish ways, and now in college it seems like there are more guys who are into the more chill non-high-maintenance girls. for example: the last guy i was dating for a while told me that i was a "dude-girl" in the fact that i was like one of the guys and he loved hanging out with me, but i was girl! *bonus* hah. and he loved that about me. but anyways, i find that there are plenty of guys who prefer us 'dude-girls'. you might not find the guy you want to date in your inner-circle of guy friends, but in hanging with the guys, you could meet one of their guy friends who ends up interested in you. Don't try to change who you are too much just to get a guy to like you, there is someguy, somewhere out there who probably will love the way you are.. it might just not be the time right now.
@jonchin_19@xanga - agree, there are just some guys that like girls like you and some guys that dont. For me as long as you can make me laugh I wouldn't care if you're a tomboy or a girly girl
I have the same problem. I have more male friends than female friends. I just find males easier to relate to. I'm not even the stereotypical tomboy: I'm bad at sports, not very good at video games...just get along better with guys than girls. But despite my long, curly hair, make-up, and girlie clothes, I still get seen as a guy who just happens to have boobs. Most of the guys I have been interested seem to want to keep me in the friends category. What gives?
I really am one of the guys when I've never had feelings for my guy friends. At most, a slight short-lived crush, but nothing more. I keep friends as friends and possibilities as possibilities - at least until I see how they really are. The only consequences coming from being a tomboy - guy friends who constantly call you that. If it's true, then it's true.
Some guys complain about the high-maintenance girls because they secretly love that kind of girl and some of the things that she represents but he doesn't want people to know that or he is trying to talk himself out of being attracted to that type of girl for some reason.
Other guys, want a tomboy eventually but they don't feel they are ready for a serious relationship so they date the high maintenance girlie-girls as a sort of safety valve to keep them from getting to invested in any relationship. Then when they are ready for a real significant meaningful long-lasting relationship they will go in search of a tomboy. I would be inclined to think, based on what you have said, that the guy who called you "wifey material" might be a guy of this type.
Then there are other guys who just don't know yet what they want in a girl so they are going out with the classic girlie-girl because that allows them to fit in better with the guys in some way or maybe he just isn't mature enough yet to admit to himself what he wants.
Then lastly you have the guys who honestly do want, and know that they want, a low-maintenance girl who enjoys the same things they do. Its possible that you just haven't met many of these guys yet or it is also possible that the ones you know have just known you as another guy friend for too long and will need something to happen to jolt them out of that way of viewing you or just need to mature enough to see the good that is right under their nose. It is also possible that these guys are somewhat afraid to ask you out for whatever reason. I have known a lot of guys who wouldn't ask out a girl they liked because they assumed that she already had a boyfriend because of how great she seems to them.
woah i'm the same way - "one of the guys" for sure, but also like dating people who are like me ("opposites attract" does NOT work for me). sorry i have no solutions right now thought - i'm trying to figure out the same problem!
I also have several guy friends and would MUCH prefer hanging out with them than with girls. But I've tried to make sure I didn't become so much of a tomboy I'm seen as "just one of the guys." I don't change my personality at all, just make sure they remember "Yes guys, I am a girl! Believe it or not." How I do that...? Mmmm... kinda hard to explain but just in general making a difference between me and the guys. None of the guys see me as "just one of the guys." I'm just the girl that's a part of their group.Â
There are couple reasons for this. One, once labeled "one of the guys" that means in that group of guys you stop being a potential sexual partner (just like how a guy is in the friend zone with a girl). Second, in that group of guys you are a good friend, and no guys (at least not many) would hook up with their good friend. Reason being, it complicates a lot of things. Lastly, you might simply not the type of girl that group of guys go after. It has nothing to do with you being a "tomboy" or being "one of the guys".
HAHAHAhAA I was just talking to a friend about this just the other day. I honestly believe the whole notion that "guys & girls cant JUST be friends".
Read this for fun: http://www.laddertheory.com/
But I'm there with you. I have plenty of guy friends that are like "brothers" to me. I honestly think that once you get to know someone longer/more, you tend to lose that attraction for them and it's hard to go back. I cant imagine dating my best guy friends because I cant imagine myself being intimate with them. Simple things such as kissing or even having sex (with my close guy friend) grosses me out. HOWEVER, there are a few guy friends that are NOT on my friends ladder. And I know I'm not on theirs.
I know we get comfortable and everything with the boys or girls (vice versa), but there are just some things that will still attract the opposite sex -- so you may be wrong about them not being attracted to you. They probably figured that you werent serious about dating them or whatnot. I can only imagine one of these guys writing a blog about how they're the nice guy and they always finish last haha. See the relation? I kinda do...
there is nothing wrong with being a tomboy. there are only consequences if you suddenly want to be a girly-girl. and who on earth wants to be *that*?
Are you attractive? Because if you were, you wouldn't be considered one of the guys but the "Hot Chick." I hung out with more guys than girls because I have a guys sense of humor and I'm not prissy. But I was always feminine. They called me weird and I didn't mind at all.
Although, I am not a tomboy, I do know how you feel. Sometimes it gets to the point where if I hear one more guy say, "You are such a great friend, but I would never date you..." I will seriously hurt someone... Sure, being "one of the guys" is great. I would never trade any of my guyfriends in and it is sooo awesome to hang out with people that there is no competition with, but...I don't know...sometimes I want them to remember I am a girl too. And not just like, "OMG, you have boobs"
... I want them to understand that maybe someday they should understand that I have feelings and if I like one of them, not to pull the "You are such an awesome friend..." card...Seriously come up with a better excuse...
It's kind of a turn-off when a girl only hangsout with other guys, yanno? The other thing is that the guy might be intimidated by the amount of competition he has. It's hard for me to go after a girl with a lot of guy friends since I'm just like all of them.
Nope. I'm as girly as it gets, but I end up in the "friend" zone almost all of the time since I'd prefer getting to know someone before putting myself out there like most girls do.
I'm old-fashioned.........and slightly over-analyzing and cynical :}
i am very 'masculine' but i can throw on a skirt and flash the gams if the occasion suits it. dating someone who is just like me would be preferable because then i won't feel like a man and have wandering thoughts about a sex change.....dating someone who is feminine does not scare me but i am not actively searching for that kind of person.
all through elementary school and still now to this day at the tender age of 23...but it's ok though...
Olivia Mun, a co host on G4 (a tech/gaming etc. show) epitomizes "one of the guys" type of gal...YET....she is still considered one of the most desired and lusted after female, sorry to get graphic on you. She can talk the talk, gaming, sports, crude jokes, etc and still turn a guy on just by saying pass me the remote you d bag. Why? Because she takes care of her feminine side.
My personal experience, tomboys get too enveloped by their tomboy persona and almost completely neglect their femininity. I would totally go out with my galpal if she'd just brush her hair once in awhile and stop burping the alphabet.
lol... I thought it was impossible for me to ever be liked because I was always "one of the guys". I never wore skirts/dresses in high school! I wore baaagggy pants/jeans as well as medium shirts(im small so medium is like XL). I was a sports fanatic and loved to compete with the boys in any sport (except wrestling ahaha) and made good competition. Everyone called me a little monster because I dominated. I never wore makeup (and still don't). I always had my hair up in a small ponytail.
And the people I liked didn't like me. Never ever ever.
Fortunately, the "super duper tomboy" phase is gone. As soon as I went to college I showed my more feminine side by wearing tighter jeans (NO baggy pants lol), occasional skirts/dresses, and actually spending time in front of a mirror doing my hair. I still do hardcore sports but that hasn't stopped someone from loving me the way i am (he's hardcore about sports too). There is always change... or someone who loves you for you. I like it.
wow i'm going through the exact same phase right now... most of the people i like to hang out with are guys, and i like typical manly activities. on the upside, i like how my guy friends make me feel safe and are comfortable enoguh around me to crack "inappropriate" jokes lol
but it sucks because the guys who id rather have as more than a friend, would always see me as "one of the guys". and whenever i feel comfortable around the more-ideal guys, the "manly" side of me comes out. oh well, im not too interested in changing myself for a guy anyways.
Absolutely.Â
Sometimes being one of the guys is really cool; when they're doing devilish things, you're in the inner circle. It's fun to know that they trust you and respect you more than other girls.However, when you fall for one of them, it does get a little frustrating. I've found that some guys are intimidated by me, which surprises me, because I'm not an intimidating person. Overall, I think it's a good thing. When I go places with the girls I'm friends with, they almost always get some guy chasing them by the end of the night, trying to sleep with them. I used to get jealous, thinking I wasn't as pretty or something. The truth is, the guys knew I was smarter than that.Even though I'm 'one of the guys', eventually most guys I know do end up falling for me. Problem is, they never get up the nerve to tell me, and I find out a year later after we've all moved on.I guess you just gotta keep meeting people, and know, there are guys out there that will appreciate you for who you are. The ones that don't, aren't worth the effort.
Lol I have a TOMBOY ATTITUDE, Im rude, I eat like a guy, I BURP, I FART - you name all the guys stuff, I can** kick ass too
The guys even treat me like a guy telling me their sex stories - that i have no intention in hearing - i just laugh it off with them
But on the outside* : I look like a girly girl, skinny jeans, high heel boots, cardigan, lacey tank top, sometimes even makeup
I've gotten that a lot since I completely prefer the guys to the girls (less drama for sure and I just like video games, movies where things blow up (romantic comedies suck! hah), and wrestling). I've noticed though the way to change from friend to possible something else in a guy's mind is to distinguish yourself from what just a friend would do... ie. turn on the flirting and sexuality as well
Now I don't mean in a slutty way, start dressing differently or anything. But just the way you interact, touching someone's arm, making flirty jokes, etc distinguishes in many guy's minds between what just a friend would do and what just a friend wouldn't... small things that wouldn't change who you are but do change how a guy starts to view you I s'pose.
Not always the case but its worked before at least... hm.