I was in your shoe more than 3 yrs ago. I was unofficially dating a guy for some time--less than a year. We were official for about 2 months or so when I decided to call it off but we continued seeing each other "unofficially". It was less stress for both of us and in our relationship. The "BF/GF" title was putting strain to us both that we decided to just hold it off and just continue seeing each other. I was a year ahead than him and 4 months older. Before he graduated from high school, he wanted the "BF/GF" title back or so I assumed he wanted it back. He did asked me of what I think about us going official once again. Eventhough I think it would be great (I even told him I would love it) to be official again, I thought it was for the better if we hold off.

The next thing I know he's dating someone else. When I asked him on how on earth can he just date someone when we were still dating, he simply said "Well, we're not dating. You said "No" remember?" It felt like a slap to my face. It made me think, did he really love me. If he he truly love me he would have asked me over and over to get back together with him, it's not like we completely broken up.

I'm over it now, still have questioned that he left unanswered. But it is what it is.

Yes, I was the one who moved on first.  It wasn't that I hadn't loved my ex, but things had been difficult for quite some time.  People change, and neither of us was really wanting to upset the situation we had in place.  I finally decided that I had to leave in order to be happy, both with myself and my life.

When I left, I stopped considering how my actions would affect my ex, after all we were ex's now...not in a relationship.  It was a rude awakening for them, and they got upset that I was dating so quickly after moving out.  But I had clearly said that it was over between us--so I was surprised that they were that upset. 

Dating quickly after getting out of one relationship does not mean that the prior one meant nothing, or not as much as you wanted it too.  It could also mean that the new person arrived in their life at the right time. 

Really, I don't know for sure and I'm fairly sure I'm just confusing the issue.  I got out of a 13 year relationship and leapt right into another, without expecting to ever find someone that I could have a long-term relationship with again.  Surprise was on me, but this one was a case of right person appearing randomly in my life.

My ex and I broke up...then tried to get back together...then realized it wouldn't work and ended it officially.  6 weeks after the official end he was with some new girl.  I was an absolute mess...and it took some counseling and some good friends to get me through it...but she turned out to be just the rebound...since me, he has had 3 girlfriends (we've only been broken up a year).  With each one, I feel a little bit bitter, but not as much as each one preceding...eventually I won't care at all...because here's the thing, we were together over a year...and since me, he hasn't been able to keep a relationship longer than a few weeks.  Now, I don't know how the current one is doing, granted, but I don't expect a lot from it.  And in a small way, it's satisfying knowing that he's just jumping from girl to girl with no real results...that I was the last true love he had.  And he did love me, immensely, while we were together...and I truly loved him...things just didn't work.  And him jumping straight to a different girl was his way of coping--that's just the personality he has.  He's the kind of guy that simply cannot be alone..there are a lot of guys out there like that...though yes, it did make me think about our past differently...I don't
remember just the good anymore, I remember much of the heartache.  I was pissed at first, but I've since understood that that's just his personality, and that's not the kind of person I want to be with.  No, I don't want him back.  I wouldn't take him back even if he asked.  It took me a while, but I'm finally moving on, and I've since had a new guy in my life...but again, it took me a while...and it will take you a while, I promise you that...but you'll get there, that I promise too.  Good luck, and God bless.  *hugs*

Who cares about how he moved on. Get some frappuccino, a good movie and chocolate ice-cream. Do whatever it takes to get over him.

aahh! I feel u girl! if I knew about this site six months ago, I'd be writing the same scenario.

my
ex and I went out for 26 months, after the break up, we communicated
but not too much. he's moved to Texas from jersey so u know i couldn't
see him (im here in NY). in less than 2 months, I just find out on fb that he started
flirting with this girl and I could see all of it! a week after that,
he's already in a relationship! I felt like crap! I couldn't believe
that after 2 yrs of serious relationship, he replaces me in two months!
I felt like u did! wondered if he ever thought our love was special and
all that.

all my friends told me that she's just a rebound,
and I believe that but that doesn't take away the pain that I felt! he
started posting mushy pics of them, and so I ended up deleting him on
fb, myspace, blocked him on aim! took me a while to get over the fact
that he got over me within two months!

I say don't think that
he didn't love u, it's just a guy's ego u know. not all guys are like
that but some guys cope from a heartache! I hated him for months to
help me get over him (it helped a bit, hating him). I tell u, just forget about him. just remember
the good stuff u know. you'll get over him, and def consider going back
on the dating scene! now I can say after 8 months, I'm ready!

you'll get there! just have fun and go out and enjoy life with friends! =]
lemme know how it goes!

@oOBuBBLes711Oo@xanga - Haha, yes, don't you wish that there was in instruction manual or something?  I've seen sooo many examples of egregious breakup behavior lately.  (Mine doesn't even compare.)  I don't understand how it can be so hard for some people to end a relationship with a little bit of dignity and respect.  *sigh*

Yes, I agree it's hurt, your feeling it's valid. And I would feel hurt too if I were you.

However, I think he is not worth it, look at that jerk, he date another girl soon after the break up.

Did you think about how your actions would make your ex feel?

It's "ex" as you answered it.

As # and I were falling apart, he was moving on with another woman who had snagged his heart. I didn't hate him for it (though there were days when I wished I could). I just wanted him to be happy. It took some time for me to be okay with him not being happy with me, but without me.

Though I fully admit I did and still do despise the girl he left me for. I've never met her, and never want to. I don't want to know how or why she was better than me at that time. Though the vicious part of me was all right with it when I found she dumped him later on.

If he's happy now, good. We're still superficially friendly at times, so it's good if he's found happiness for himself. He's made it clear we can't be real friends any more, so I can only wish him well from afar.

And for me, I'm happier now with someone who is utterly in love with me, and we plan on getting married. Life, for me, is pretty damn good.

@SomethingAboutKaren@xanga - Ah, lots of broken hearts on this site.  Yes, it's comforting to know that we're not alone, huh?  Good luck to you, too.

**This response is not to bash my ex bf by any means**

I was with my ex for 10 years.  He cheated on me with another girl and he chose to be with her instead of trying to work things out with me.  Believe me when I said I fell completely apart.  I went from being devastated/depressed to angry and now back to happiness.  It's been 8 months since this has happened.  It's not easy letting go.  Imagine doing everything you can to make another person happy for 10 years (on/off) and then suddenly he said he wasn't happy anymore and that he wanted to try everything that he can to work things out w/ the other girl.  He even admitted that he didnt give our relationship 100% but he wanted to give "all that I (he) can" to the other girl. 

At the time, it killed me to think that he's happy with the other girl.  The late night calls, the constant text message, emails, etc.  The fact that she lived up north made it even worst for me.  He was willing to make that extra effort to be with this other girl that he couldnt see or be with on a daily basis.  I was left with all the pain.  I couldn't "transfer emotion" by getting into another relationship.  It wasn't going to be fair to that guy because he would've just been a rebound.  So instead, I allowed myself to be in the dumps.  I let myself cry every single day for 3 months.  I even dropped out from 2 of my 3 classes that semester because I couldn't cope with the pain and concentrate on my studies and force myself to get up and go to work every morning.  I lost 20lbs within a month because I couldn't eat.  For 3 months, I was living in Hell on this place called Earth.  Fortunately for me, I have a great family that helped me cope with my pain.  I have great friends that were there for me no matter what time it was.  I'd go to sleep in tears and not know when I'd fallen asleep but when it was time to wake up for work, my face and pillow were still damp.  I also remember that "sinking" feeling whenever I went out.  I could be at a crowded mall, shopping at my favorite store, when suddenly I'd feel my heart aching, short of breath, tears welling up in my eyes.... I had to walk out of the store to regain my composure.   I started to feel sorry for myself and I started to feel pathetic.  I started to feel like the dirt underneath his shoes, that I was worthless and I never mattered to him.  I was just a replacement of some girl that he couldn't be with.  I was just the 2nd best.  I felt sorry for myself long enough and I was beginning to feel pathetic and ashamed of myself....

It was time for me to move on, it was time to let go.  We had 10 years together already, if it wasn't going to work, it just wasnt.  I didnt want to be that pestering ex still lingering around.  It never even crossed my mind to hurt him.  I remember the last time I saw him, I held his hand and looked him in the eyes and told him, "I've never seen you so miserable, I love you, and I'm willing to walk out of your life so that you can be with her".  (Because he told me that he wanted to be with her, but she wouldnt do it unless I was out of his life completely)

I've met a lot of people since the breakup.  But I never got into a relationship because I don't want to be unfair to the other guy.  I don't want to use him as my "stepping stone" to moving on.  It's tough to move on, I know because I've already gone through it.  It's by far one of the hardest obstacle that I've ever gone through.  If I can do it, you can too.  Take this time to rebuild yourself.  Replenish anything that you've lost, such as confidence, love for yourself, respect, whatever it is, this is the time to "fix" all that.  You may not have done anything wrong, but use this time to help yourself become a better person for the next guy that comes along. 

Love will come and Love will go.  Have faith that when the RIGHT guy comes along, he'll still.  I've learned that our breakup was a blessing in disguise.  I have done a lot more and gone to more places in the past 8 months than I have in the 10 years combined.  I would have never known that I am capable of being alone until now.  I didnt realize how strong I was going to become from all this.  Although I was a bit jaded in the beginning, I've also realized that I cant make another guy pay for my ex's mistakes. 

Be fair to yourself and be fair for the next guy.  I don't recommend you jumping into another relationship until you are 100% ready for it.  You don't want to get into a relationship just to make your ex jealous, because it might not even work and you'll end up hurting a "nice" guy that has genuine feelings for you.  I hope that sharing my experiences will give you some insight and bring you some peace knowing that people go through what you go through everyday.  And you'll never have to go through it alone :o)   GOOD LUCK!!!

@eyesochinky@xanga - oh, your story really touches me.  I know how it is to cry straight for months... but for 10 years? You'll get through it!  Were you guys together in high school? 

@eyesochinky@xanga - Wow, thank you for sharing your story.  And, really, for you to be at this better place only after 8 months after a 10 year relationship really speaks to your strength.  I think a lot of people reading your comment will admire you for that.