Monday, 10 November 2008

• Things A Guy DOESN'T Wish Women Knew

  This is a guest blog submitted by harmonyminusmelody.
  
  Apparently my comment to "Things a guy wishes women knew..." got way more hits than I suspected, and therefore lead me to believe that my list was, in fact, superior. I have decided to make a full list of things a guy DOESN'T wish women knew.

  • Not all of us like sports. We just pretend to to seem more manly.
  • We secretly memorize everything you wear.
  • Don't tell us to tell you if you look bad. Just... stop. We won't. Ever. Under no circumstances. 
  • Likewise, we'll never tell you when you're wrong. Couches aren't comfortable, for this is our destination when we tell you you're wrong, especially that happy little time that comes about once a month.
  • Not all guys are afraid of commitment.
  • Likewise, not all guys want to take advantage of you so please, for the love of god, get over your "I hate men" bitching.
  • There are things we don't want you to do. We'll never tell you.
  • We really do think you're cute when you're tired.
  • But you're never cute when you're mad at us. Never.
  • Honestly, we really do think all girls are uglier than you. It's how our brains work. So quit asking.
  • Don't ever come over and not want to cuddle or kiss.
  • We secretly wish that you'd pick us over your friends, and when you don't we're secretly bummed.
  • Muscle-y women are gross, disgusting, and all together vile. No cushion for the pushin'? Get out!
  • Sometimes the only things that motivate us to even try at all in school are our wonderful girlfriends.
  • We hate when you go on vacation without us and leave us all alone!
  • Really, we hate when you do anything without us. (but we'll never tell!)
  • We hate the roads conversations take when you girls utter the words "I'm fine, I guess."
  • Oh, and we hate it when we can't cheer you up. Throw us a bone, for goodness sake!
  • We say you don't need to dress up for us or wear makeup for us... but we sure would like you too!
  • Never roll your eyes at us.
  • We're not kidding when we say we'll trash any guy that looks at you.
    
  • And if any guy puts his arm around you that's not my clone or me in a mirror, his head will emblazon the pike in my front yard.
  • Whisper in our ear!
  • Come behind US and hug us. It doesn't always have to be us that does that to you!
  • Tell us when we smell, please. We can't tell and our guy friends don't realize it.
  • However, we'll never tell you if you smell. See above.
  • But please don't smell, we have this concept in our mind that girls are supposed to smell like flowers and sunshine.
    
  • Don't shatter our concepts!
  • When your boyfriend is a nerd, the least you can do is pretend to listen to him when he attempts to tell a funny story about his guild in World of Warcraft, or attempts to explain the physics of a tachyon.
  • Oh, and nerds really are better lovers.
    
  • Plus, we'll make a lot of money when we're older, and chances are your football player boyfriend is gonna be bagging my groceries.

  That's about it. Remember, these are things you girls aren't supposed to know. Enjoy this in-depth look at the male psyche. Oh, and please don't nitpick every little bullet, this is for humor, not for to be serious! (Trust me, I've already gotten in trouble for a few of these with my girlfriend!)

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