This is a guest blog submitted by midgetmachine.I hate it when the novelty of someone you're interested in has worn off. You then realize that they're just a person, not as interesting or intelligent as you first found them. Their daily happenings don't interest you that much, their attempts at innuendo don't really draw you in. They try to be funny but it just ends up being trite. You still talk to them but its now more of an obligation then a pleasure. Every reply you give is serious, hardly playful anymore. You don't particularly feel like talking everyday but you don't want to be cruel so you keep on.
I'm on the other side of it. I'm the one who interest has been lost in. He doesn't find me interesting anymore, I don't think. That's what it all seems like to me. Granted, I don't know what's going on in his mind but judging by his replies and the tone of them, the above is what I'm getting. We've been talking practically everyday for a month now. Not in a relationship, not dating, just getting to know each other. We had a really great connection when we first met, mentally and physically.
Is this a case of He's Just Not That Into Me or is something else going on? And when I see him on Friday, is there any way to rekindle what was there when we first met?
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Comments (24)
Awww it's normal. The "honeymoon" period is over. As much as we want to stay in that phase forever, its nearly impossible. It's always exciting when you meet someone new. But eventually all that will fade away :o( Maybe flirt a little with him... ask him stuff about HIM. Boost his ego a bit. Guys love it when we compliment them or rub their egos and make them feel wanted again. You don't have to kiss their ass or worship the ground they walk on -- just compliment him a bit. Nice tie, nice jacket, nice shoes, I like your style, you make me laugh, etc. Guys like to hear compliments just as much as girls do. GOOD LUCK! :o)~
It's hard to say! He could easily be Just Not That Into You, but he also might be having a hard time at the moment, and there could be anything going on that you don't know about!
I'd say see how it goes on Friday, go in with an open mind. If it works, it works, and if it doesn't you've lost nothing, because you had the fun of flirting in the first place!oh my the irony could kill. This happened to me. Word for word about two weeks ago. He would be so kind to me and it seemed like he was falling for me. Holding my hand, cuddling with me, even kissing me. Then...I dont know what happened. He suddenly turned into everything you stated above. He wont even look at me anymore.
I tried to reconnect with him but it was useless.
I hope the outcome for you is different though. Just be honest and ask him whats going on. I think its the best you can do.
good luck dear<3
Lillian
Its normal, honey. Especially when youve been with someone a long time(a year, plus) the excitement fades. Everyone goes through the down spirals. Yovue just gotta remember why you're there, and make things interesting again. Try new stuff, get to know each other all over again. tastes change, views alter; just dont lose yourself in a quest to "be more intereting." Its the worse thing you can do.
good luck! <3 me
that's recently kinda happened to a friend of mine. Ask him. Just be honest with him, tell him to be honest with you. Would you rather know or speculate? Be prepared though, if the answer you get is not the one you want. Maybe I'm just a romantic, but should you really have to rekindle a relationship after a month? There's no way you can know everything about each other already. I guess I just don't buy that its "normal". It shouldn't be normal. I don't want to ever be bored with the man that becomes my husband, not when we're dating and definitely not when we're married. If there is already a lack of interest, what will happen in a month or two? A year? (sorry if my thoughts are kinda jumbled. That's just the way my brain works without editing)
I am a super fan of asking questions so when I see him next I would be the one to ask him that question to his face and see what answer I get. Based on the conversation we have will depend on where he and I go from there.
I agree, it's definitely a good time to talk, establish deeper communication.
Just talk. Just speak!
Aw, that's always an anxiety-inducing situation. When I look back at my relationship with my EX, I can say that he lost interest in me about 6 months after we started dating, which was about 5 months before we ended up breaking up. I had made all sorts of excuses in my head for him: He had a lot going on in his life, we're just past the honeymoon phase, it's perfectly normal, etc. I did bring up my concerns, especially when I started noticing that he wasn't as interested in having sex anymore. But at the time he also made the same excuses for himself: He was tired, he was busy, etc.. I didn't really know what was going on in his head. Maybe I still don't. And maybe he didn't really know, either.
I don't regret how things ended up playing out, but in retrospect one thing I should have done was be more forthright about my needs and desires. I should have told him straight up: "Look, I am woman who needs to feel loved, and if you really care about me and are interested in me, you need to show it." And as soon as he wasn't able to fulfill my needs, I should have walked away.
So my point is, just have a talk with your guy. Let him know what your needs are. And yes, be prepared for the possibility that he might not be the guy who's able or willing to fulfill them. I hope, though, that your guy is more interested in you than mine was in me. Maybe he'll respond with profuse apologies and sweep you off your feet. =)
Adrenaline rush is the key. It releases love hormones. Why don't you do something exciting?
You just took what is happening me. I don't really know what to say, I don't even know what to do myself.
if I read this correctly you're just getting to know each other and not in person. some people really connect well on the internet and by phone. others do not. I'd say take a deep breath and relax... and then do it again, cos things may be totally different when you meet in person on friday. I think it's quite likely they'll be better than you expect.
just like satori@xanga said, you sound like an online couple.
i think real life would help y'all a bit.
if he's not interested, i'm sure he'll let you know when you meet up.
if he's got something going on in his life that needs more attention, i'm sure you'll find out when you meet him.
on the other hand, if y'all have been meeting in person all this time, then maybe y'all need some not-together time to reset things?!
often times, guys need a break.
heck, i couldn't live with a parrot!
Hmm. I don't remember writing this. Totally my life. Ha.
crazy because this is how I'm feeling about my own relationship!
Awwwwww... I'm sorry! I hate being on the other side..How things at first got going on sooo weelllll,and then BAM..Something happened :(
You're left to think..what is he doing? should i call him? you want to..you take out your phone. and then you throw it so you won't LOL.. And you wonder if he's thinking about you , too..or how it would be like to see him again.
But, we have to face the facts :( His attitude is now cold..he seems like he talks to you because he feels obligated to..
What I would do is occupy myself with new activities & date around..keep him off my mind through out the day even if he'll be on my mind at night.
We'll have to learn to slowly let go..but if there's a way to rekindle the flame.. bake him something? a little something? go watch a small movie? *hopefully he doesn't have a girlfriend* and laugh about old times..and hopefully, there goes that romantic movie kiss :)
It sounds like you could use the advice of Christian Carter. He is an attraction expert who specializes in how women can "rekindle" the romance and playful tones with their significant (or not so significant) others. His website can be found at www.catchhimandkeephim.com .
Perhaps he's not a phone/internet kind of guy so that's why he seems uninterested & difficult to get to know. I find it easier to do so in person..
I also think you're thinking wayy too much into this 'cause you two have only been talking for a month. It's not like you two were in a relationship for a year & suddenly this happened. Perhaps the situation will change when you two meet in person on Friday or just do something different.. although I think anything will be different if you've only been talking on the phone/internet.. I would suggest you start talking about deeper level things if you need a starter. Everyday happenings are a bit dull to recant & to listen to.. Perhaps discuss your hobbies or politics.. just anything so that you can get to know him on a deeper level 'cause I think that's what he's looking for too if you two are just talking to test the waters. Good luck~
take a freakin break, guys get distracted easily. you sometimes gotta give him time to miss you, i sure know that i would need that time.
@wewong@xanga - totally agree.
there's no point in talking every day, it kills it, especially if you're not dating, not in a relatioinship and just basically flirting.
it could just be that he's not interested anymore, in that case its best to just move on. if you find its not mutual maybe its best to look for other fish in the sea.
if you find that there is still a little flicker, then just give him space, distance makes the heart grow fonder!
having said that, good luck! trust your instincts and be yourself!
Do something out of the ordinary. Send him a pix message of a part of your body that he likes. Send him a card. Leave him a kinky voice mail message. Give him a massage. Take him out to his favorite restaurant. Set up a scavenger hunt for him.
Find ways to keep it interesting.
@kaleidescopeeyes88@xanga - 6 months? Some of my friends were still in their honeymoon phase in their 6th month. This is very discouraging. Hahaha. =/ =)
I think this is happening to me as well, and I'm a guys and I don't know what to do about it as well.
I'm on the opposite side of the situation. My feelings for the guy I've been talking to have been fading away lately and I'm not sure why. And the whole 'honeymoon' phase is definitely not here anymore, being all excited and such about each other. He's still really into me and today he asked if I still want to go out with him or not, and that's when I broke it to him and did my best to explain myself. He's a friend from home and I'm coming back home from college for thanksgiving break, things were going to be great. But I just don't like him like that anymore. It's not like he did anything wrong.
So don't be hard on yourself if this guy isn't as interested in you anymore. Meet up with him, hang out that day and see where things go from there. And if you guys hit it off face to face, that's great and if not then this will open a door for someone new. Better to know now then being confused for months upon months at a time. If it's always questionable on whether the guy you're with likes you back or not, then that's not a great sign. If a guy is really into you, then you'll know. Just see how things go and if things don't work out the way you wanted them to, keep moving forward and you'll meet someone new. Try not to make things more serious then it has to be.