This is a guest blog submitted by sick_of_this_bullshit.
There's this guy that I dated for a few months, and then we split, and we still remain really close friends...then there's his friend who's crushing on me and who talks shit behind my ex.
And then there's me, with no interest in my ex's friend, only my ex.
So these two testosterone-heads are in a fraternity, and lately, all this loyal friendship bullshit is getting to me. First time I got pissed, when I hung out with the frat guys who saw me talking to my ex's friend...and well, they "almost killed him" for breaking the sacred rule of never going out with your ex's friend. Never mind that I wasn't going out with the guy; I was only talking to him.
Then, when I hang out with my ex, his friend gets all nosy and wants to know why I travel that far just to see him. A few months ago, when my ex and I were not officially going out, but were still together, he told me how because his friend likes me, he promised him not to do anything with me anymore.
The whole time I thought...
but he never went out with me...
so how can he make my ex promise something like that as if he owned me? And the answer? Friendship, loyalty, and not letting girls come in between.
And now when my ex and I talk on the phone, he jokingly said, "Sounds like a love triangle."
"Yeah, except I'm not with you or him." I said.
Well, holy cow. Isn't it lovely to be in one when you're not with either one of the guys?
Maybe it's just me, but when I want something [or in this case, someone] I piss on the rules, considering they're meant to be broken, and I go after what I want. I'm not saying guys should go against their friends, but if you know the girl doesn't want you, why must you create catastrophe?
So, I guess my question is... have any other girls felt like Yoko without actually doing anything?
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Comments (17)
Okay, you need to understand something unpleasant.
You are not your ex's priority.
You're right; there are absurd and dramatic elements all over this. There is the fraternity thing, there are arbitrary rules that society imposes upon you that the loving couple should rage against, etc. But he's not interested in doing that for you. He's not Romeo, fighting the system, stabbing people who get in his way. He's not fighting for it.
These guys are just, in a way, using you.
Your ex isn't interested in a relationship with you, but gets a girl out of it who travels far to see him without all the inconvenience of wooing her.
And your ex's friend is enjoying having a lovely girl around to be enamoured with. I don't know why there's drama written all over this, because I didn't think guys were prone to it. But basically?
Get yourself out of this little "love triangle" and go find someone who cares more about you than this.
I've been there. Well, I am there. Poop. It's never fun.
I met my boyfriend through my best friend (a male, by the way), and when I started seeing him, my friend got very defensive and just...salty about the situation. He didn't want to be around us while we were together and would hang out with either of us, but sort of begrudgingly.
He has been at basic training for the last few months, and I've kept in contact with him (through letters and the very occasional phone call), and if I mention any news to my boyfriend, he just sort of rolls his eyes, and says that he thinks my friend will start an argument and/or physical fight about this whole thing. My friend comes back next weekend, actually, so it should be interesting to see how this plays out.
Any Yoko situation (by the way, does this make anybody else think of the Flight of the Conchords episode with Bret and Coco?) is going to be convoluted and not entirely clear to those who are not involved. It's best to just take step back and look at the reality of the situation. In yours, your ex (like moritheil said) is not standing up for you and fighting this system, and to me, it seems like his friend is attempting to get off on breaking these supposed rules in order to seem like the Romeo character, even if you may not be his real Juliet. I guess what I'm saying is that I think the friend might like the drama more than he actually likes you.
Either way, I'd remove myself from the situation, because it seems like your ex is a lost cause and his friend is a dud.
I love how on datingish no one ever answers the question being asked, instead opting to tell the person asking the question how they should live their life.
So it's a love triangle where the girl doesn't like either guy... I guess the guys need to go after each other then
Yep, been there, done that. But now both of these guys arent a part of my life anymore. I don't need the immaturity from both guys nor do I need any more drama than there already is. It's true, its like an unwritten code (datin friends of an ex, etc) BUT if these frat boys were more mature about it, you guys can all still be friends and the code will not affect it.
Maybe you shouldn't hang around these frat boys anymore....considering how much drama that is causing everyone, better off w/o the ex, the friend that ruins everything and the drama.
How confusing
Let it go.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga -
She likes the ex. The ex somewhat likes her. It's the third wheel friend that's unwanted and drama-causing.
@Cest_LaxVie@xanga - Haha yea I know. I was joking saying the guys should just go after each other and leave the girl alone
I've never ever been in this situation. Or anything similar.
I never thought guys were so capable of drama amongst themselves, but here's proof!
i been in a triangle like that last semester...why not break the rules? it's only a social rule. it's not a crime...it's ridiculous sometimes how people just follow greek fraternity and sorority rules
SCREW BOTH OF THEM!! Obviously you are not an important part of your ex's life, otherwise he wouldn't say "because his friend likes you, he promised him not to do anything with you anymore," you are not a toy for them to share and play with, you're a person whom they should feel grateful to know. Second, you are not interested in the friend, yet it seems like he's interested in you, you should set him straight and be very clear when you tell him you do not like him, you still like your ex. Furthermore it is none of the friend's business if you drive however many miles to see your ex, and you should tell him that too. Based on what you have written, I have no reason to believe that any of these two boys are serious about you as a potential girlfriend or even as a friend. It seems like they are playing some sort of stupid frat boy game. There are plenty of guys out there that will like you without the extra baggage of friends who control who they can or can't hang out with or do anything with, this isn't a problem you should have to deal with. These guys are not respecting your personal wishes and you can find better people to associate with. Hope everything works out for you along as you make your own choices.
I was in a situtation in which I started crushing on this guy dat when to highschool with me and I was and still am dating my boyfriend of 5 years. The thing is that they both know each other and are sort of friends- well my boyfriend told me they hung out in highschool a bite. I knew the guy before I dated my boyfriend. Now my boyfriend told me that if I break up with him and go out with somebody else dat he will not like to see me dating anybody he knows. He finds it disrespectful and how people would disrespect him becuz his ex is with somebody he knows.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - LOL
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - i mean is its a curently bihind the rule of the guy to ake a having a sex.like a romeo and juiet.like the cseanse
Yeah that's a rough situation. There was a guy who said he was interested in me and I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship. At the same time, another guy expressed strong feelings for me, and once again I had to explain that I needed to evaluate if I needed the relationship.
People tried to make me look guilty for 'talking' or spending time with each guy at different times. The worst part is we're all on the same team at my college. I finally realized that I wasn't having a love triangle because it wasn't even supposed to get that far, you know?
My suggestion is keep doing what you're doing. If you feel like you want to date one or the other, don't let anyone discourage you. Fraternity brothers? if they were legit friends, they'd support him no matter what.
i've been there too.