Saturday, 08 November 2008
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Being Friends with an Ex's Sister
This weekend, my friend Aislinn is hosting her ex's sister here at Fordham. And while I'm glad that Aislinn's friend is here, I can't help but think it's a little weird. Aislinn and her ex had a clean breakup at the end of the summer. And while they're on good terms, he's all the way in Ohio so how could they not be? It's not like they see each other every day.
Which brings me to the awkwardness of the sister's visit. They probably won't talk about the relationship but what if they do? I'm sure they would both want to. Aislinn might want to know about her ex. Does he think about her? Does he talk about her? The sister might want to know the same about Aislinn.
For me, being friends with my ex's sister/brother might not be a good idea, or at least not such good friends to have them fly out to NYC to visit me. I just think the chance of things becoming uncomfortable is too much for me. Have you ever spent alone time with an ex's sibling? Was it weird or am I just being neurotic?
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Comments (24)
I guess it depends on how your relationship with him/her built up.
It's not weird. I'm the best of friends with my ex-boyfriend's little sister. In fact, I connected really well with his sister. There's been many times that I've just hung out with her while my ex-boyfriend sits at home playing games, haha.
I agree, it can be kinda awkward hanging out w/ an ex's siblings after you have broken up. I'm not too surprise that you would feel a bit uncomfortable, for the reasons you've given.
I had been friends with my brother's ex since before they started dating. After they broke up and she started dating another one of his friends I ended up being angry at her and we didn't speak for several months. But then her and my brother started talking, and are somewhat friends. Since her and I were dating guys that were roommates, we began talking and became friends again. It would have been much too awkward to spend so much time together if we weren't speaking.
I think it kind of depends on the sibling's relationship with the ex. Because I don't think we would have became friends so quickly if he hadn't gone back to being friends with her.
It IS awkward. I don't contact my ex's family at all. Not the brother, not the mom, not the aunt... none. I even cut ties with most of HIS friends too. It's not because I dont want them in my life, its just out of respect. I don't want to be reminded or remind them of the paint. But then again, we didn't have a clean break up.
if it was a clean break and no hard feelings, i dont see what the deal is...it's nothing to be concerned over, especially since you are not either party involved.
But now, I dont think I would do that.
Xo
@BranmacFeabhail@xanga - i completely agree, if it was a clean breakup and it had a legit reason, there shouldn't be any awkwardness..
much different if it was a bad breakup.. but i haven't been in any bad breakup..
It all depends on how well the break-up went, the relationship of the sibling with the ex, & how either party feels.
It's not really my place to say how awkward it'd be 'cause we each have different experiences. In my case, I wouldn't want to be friends with my ex's brother & it'd be awkward for my sister to remain friends with him. Then again, the break-up was really unpleasant & he couldn't stand talking to my sister anymore 'cause she reminded him too much of me. My sister was hurt at first but when she found out that he was trying to get in my pants, she was glad to have cut off all ties with him.
I think perhaps you are being a little neurotic?
My brother cheated on his girlfriend sometime in the winter. By all means, this was not a clean break. I have since helped her through the tough times. We still talk and hang out on occasion- even trying to have dinner when our schedules work out, she's a full time worker at age 23 and I'm a high school senior at 17.
It is in no way awkward, and we simply enjoy each other's company. It also helps that we both love food :)!
girls are weird. if the girl really have developed a relationship with her ex's sister and they've truly bonded over time and are good friends, then why not. yeah she'll ask about her ex's current events, and the sister will also ask about her current situation, but why is that so "unnatural" if they are all mature adults?
Me & My ex's brother are becoming friends, it started off with my trying to help him get to know one of my best friends. I don't find it awkward, I mean we're just friends, occassionally we'll talk about my ex, but it's not awkward, mainly because of the fact that i'm still in love with my ex, but idk.
Up until now I had never dated a guy with siblings old enough to be friends with. My first bf had 2 sisters and a brother all under 5. I did babysit them though, and even a couple times after we had been broken up. Now I am friends with my current boyfriends sister as the age difference is the same between me and him and me and her. If god forbid we broke up I don't think we would stay friends though. I'm just not that type of person. My two younger brothers though they had a sticky situation because of an ex being friends with a sibling. My middle brother was dating this girl who was also friends with my youngest brother, as she was right between their two ages. Well after my middle brother broke up with her she was really upset, and ended up turning to my youngest brother for support. A couple weeks later they started dating themselves. That was a very weird situation while it lasted. I guess it was almost inevitable though since the high school was very small with only like 150 people in the high school part of the school and the girl to boy ratio was bad too.
i'm actually good friends with my ex's sister. we get along great, and when we do talk, it's about anything and everything about life in general. nothing awkward there. i think it is because when i was going through some tough times with him, she was always there to listen and offer advice. now, our friendship has just grown stronger and even though i'm not with her brother anymore, we remain very good friends because of the bond that we've created. i think it depends on each situation.
My sister is friend's with my ex. It's weird in a creepy way. Especially now that he's decided he likes her, and he's really an ass about it. Like he yells at her for not liking him back, and when I step in, he tells me it's none of my business. But I think it is my business if some jerk is harassing my little sister. But she still hangs out with him. I don't know why.
While my brother was going out with this girl who was 2 years older than me, I became best friends with her. After they broke up, we remained friends and hung out whenever she came home from college. Her roommates at school thought it was weird that she'd always be on the phone with her ex's sister but we thought it was so natural haha. I was instrumental in getting them back on speaking turns. It was also because of me that their relationship seemed to go back and forth between semi-together and broken up. She even admitted that she never would've spoken to my brother after the original breakup if it wasn't for me.
One summer she started hooking up with someone the same age as me and through her, I met and started hooking up with his best friend. So we even double dated without her dating my brother.
For us, none of this was weird. For my brother, it was probably a little awkward, especially because he was still in love with her for so long. We no longer speak because of issues unrelated to my brother, but we were friends for about 2 years after the breakup.
I guess it depends on the situation. I am still friends with my ex's siblings (brother and sister), although I wouldn't say we are close friends. But my ex isn't really close with his siblings either.
On the other hand, I was relatively close friends with my brother's girlfriend when they were dating. But now that they are broken up, we don't talk because my brother and I are very close.
My brothers ex and I pretty much don't have a choice to be around each because she is the mother of my niece. When we are together, we have come to a understanding that we do NOT talk about him unless it has something to do with their daughter. Other than my niece, we do not hang out, we do not call one another up, just to talk (unless it has to do with my niece). We aren't close friends, but we are civil.
If it wasn't for my niece, I don't think we could do what we do. It does tend to get uncomfortable sometimes because their break up was bad and its still fairly fresh. I had to remove her from my friends on another site because I got tired of seeing her running her mouth about him.
But my niece is my world, so I grin and bare it.
I think it all depends on the people involved, doesn't it?
If Aislinn (WAHEY, that's my name! BEST name ever!) and her friend feel comfortable discussing her ex, then it shoudln't be weird. And if it is, surely, as mature adults, they'll be smart enough to leave well enough alone?i cant imagine spending time alone with any of my exs' siblings...my last ex's brother messaged me on myspace and even that was awkward enough. he asked me how i was doing and i was wondering why he cared. i asked him how he was and he said good and we started talking about school. the whole time i was waiting for him to get to the point. then i asked him how my ex is doing and he said "well, i should be asking you that"...i think he wanted to know why i broke up with his brother...i need to blog this on my page...i havent updated in ages...a whole relationship and no blog to show for it lol
It really depends on the situation. If you're ex was your spouse and you have kids, by all means, they are still your family. I guess that's the difference.
But still, why should your siblings relationships with people determine whether you can still be friends. If it wasn't an ugly break up or if your sibling was at fault, why penalize someone you like?
i miss seeing my brother's ex...
I'm pretty good friends with one of my ex's sisters. She's a funny gal, and I enjoy talking to her a lot. My ex and I had a horrible, explosive breakup, but it didn't leak into my friendship with her because I always thought of her as a friend, and not as my boyfriend's sister. During the relationship, I spent a great amount of time just with her, or making fun of the ex with her. I don't think it's anything to be weirded out by. [shrug]
i've never hung out with an ex's sibling, but i can understand that idea being weird and awkward... how could it not be?
i am in this situation--my "ex" has not called me to give me closure on the situation because i think he wants me around if this new thing of his doesn't work out--his sister invited me to thanksgiving (he is out of the country so he won't be there) and i am going to get my things...weird. i really like his sister and we want to be friends, and work on a design project together. i am still in love with him though...