Thursday, 06 November 2008
-
He Keeps His Girlfriend A Secret
This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.
I like this guy who sort of keeps the fact that he has a girlfriend stuffed in a box in the basement. He refers to her as someone he just knows. A while ago, someone asked him if he was "bringing his woman" and he said, "What are you talking about, I don't have a woman." (I was with him right at that moment.)
Then under his breath he states, "Well, actually I do," almost as if he didn't want me to exactly hear it, but he didn't want to seem as if he totally lied about it. A girl who I've been getting closer to likes him now, too. He tells her things about his girlfriend, but I feel like he won't say anything about his girl around me.
I don't want to ask because I don't think it's my business to get into. He knows I like him, but I wasn't the one to tell him (word got around). I just don't know what to think. I want to say that he doesn't say anything to me because he almost wishes he didn't have another girlfriend, but I also want to say that he doesn't bring her up because he doesn't want me to start ignoring him or something like that.
I just don't know what it could be and I'm looking for a few reasonable explanations for the way he's keeping his girlfriend (of 3, almost 4 months) a secret..
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (36)
so it won't bug you.
uhm, don't count on this one.
let him have his relationship.
don't interfere. 3/4 months is a thing get going
I think you should ask him why he's keeping his gf a secret..or never talking about her.
Tell him how you feel.
If you want to be friends, then tell him that even though you might like him, you don't want to get in between his relationship.
Is it because she is dead and in a box in his basement? (Man my reading comprehension must be broken today.)
he's trying to keep a secret so he can still play the field or he's not all that committed anyway. i say be weary and watch out.
@blssd@xanga - Exactly my thoughts! This is only going to be trouble for you.
um...next.
cuz he's an ass. dont be stupid or you will be his next secret
keep away from the guy. if he knows you like him, he will try to mess around with you while he's with his girl. it will be a big mess! you know this already!
Xo
I was in exactly the same situation. So a few lessons I've learned:
He acts like that because he wants you to keep liking him - he likes the attention, and he is attracted to you, but the fact of the matter is that he's staying with her, even if he doesn't mention her. If he wanted to be with you, he'd dump her for you.
But...would you still want him? I mean, if he's treating his present girlfriend like this, he'll treat you the exact same way if he dates you. An honourable and decent person would not hide the fact that they have a partner - they only do that because they want to appear single and available. Yuck. He's trouble!
RED FLAG!!! he doesnt respect the girl that he's with...that would make me second guess his character, morals, and everything else as a person. If he's embarrassed of his SO, why be with her!? He doesnt sound very happy. AND if he's doing this so that you'll stick around, why would you want that? What makes you think that he'll treat you any better than how he's treating his current gf? Seriously.
I love how so many assumptions are made to make up for the general lack of information you've given. Who are we to tell you what you see when you're around him, what contextual (body language, formation of the face, etc.) clues you see and do not see?
Certainly, I can see how he could be noble, a twat, and everything in between. Your best bet would be to ask him his reasons for not doing so, and then making your own decision from there.
You have all the power, love.
∞
@Curse_of_Greyface@xanga - LOL!!
and how well do you know of him? for some reason, this guy seems awfully weird.. it's either he doesn't actually have one or he has ones but he met them via internet and it's long distance..
beware, my sister was in a relationship that when they were dating he was all proud of her and wanted people to know about her, then when she got pregnant he didnt want his family to know at all!! Then when some found out because they were her friends on myspace, he flipped the lid-especially when he ex found out. Even though they had talked about having a planed pregnancy. He has hid her in the closet and she's not taking it anymore.
that's a hard one, if you can't figure what he's thinking, do you really know him as a person? think twice.
or just ask him straight up, but prepare for your choice though.
If he's lying about being with her, then he'd lie about being with you, too. NOT A GOOD SITUATION.
If he knows that you like him and he has a girlfriend and wants to hide it from you, but WON'T pursue YOU...then, to, me, it sounds like a classic case of being starved for attention.
Everyone wants to feel loved. To a lot of people, it doesn't matter by who. They just want to feel as if they're important, as if they're special in someone's eyes. However, most of the human popular is greedy and manipulative by nature and even if they already have the attention of one person who might be giving them the world...they'll still want more.
As others have already said, he wants to keep a hold of your attention. I can't say whether or not he actually likes you as a person, but it seems clear that he's loving the attention he gets from you. Who knows if it's anything more than that.
I don't mean to sound harsh or to crush your hopes. Because, I say this from experience. There was one point in my life where I found out from an outside source that a boy I had known had a crush of sorts on me. I, being the perpetual "loser" in school, was absolutely thrilled beyond belief. I found myself paying more attention to him. I felt as if I was developing a crush on him, as well. Nothing ever happened between us...we didn't even get to the point of telling each other how we felt...and eventually, he drifted from me. Of course, I was extremely saddened. No more attention, no more butterflies, no more feeling as if the spotlight was on me in the best possible way. But, that was when I realized...I didn't really like this kid at all. Well, I mean, he was a nice guy and he was my friend, but when I searched inside myself, I found that that's all he was to me. A friend. But, even after coming to this realization, I still felt down about him "leaving me", in a sense. But, at least I knew then, it wasn't him that I really liked...just the fact that he made me feel loved, in some small way.
So, I'm guessing that this boy you speak of is probably in a similar situation...but, worse, because he already has a girlfriend.
My advice is, if he really wants you and decides you're better for him than his current girlfriend, he'll switch gears and attempt to pursue you. Other than that, if I was in your position, I'd simply sit back and let things unfold as they're meant to, without interfering too much.
This guy is shady. I feel bad for his girlfriend. Don't get involved with someone like this.
Simple: Get rid of him. He's not 100% lying but he's not 100% faithful. It seems he likes the attention and doesn't want to completely lose you as a friend. Your best bet is to take a break and be friends when you have no more feelings toward anymore. Good luck.
I call this one "A spoon full of sugar"
Reverse the role. Ask him how it would make him feel if a woman went around denying that he was her boyfriend? Let him answer the question himself. You'll see some true colors come out of him real fast. It will make the taste of his own medicine go down!
There's no reason for him to keep you a secret after almost 4 months of dating. Call him out on it.
You're his backup. Enjoy.
Yeah, everyone said what I want to say. I admit, I'm a person who crave for attention to but I will never hide my girlfriend. I understand that what I say might be harsh, but its best for you to stay away from him. I know that I made it sound easy and it isn't but you have to try. Imagine if one day when you are with him, and he goes around telling other girls that he doesn't have a girlfriend?
I think you should just talk to him about it. Don't let things escalate, and don't start assuming....and don't be a backup.