Thursday, 06 November 2008
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Dear Dr. Datingish: He "Loves Me" Except When His GF Shows Up
One of my best guy friends has been going out with his girlfriend for little over half a year. Even if he doesn't realize it, I think he's become quite absorbed in the relationship and I've said it to him, but he doesn't think so. He tends to be affectionate with me when she's not around, nagging me to hang out, telling me he loves me...to the point where people thought we were dating.
However, when she's around, he barely seems to notice me. And when I say anything about being a third wheel, I wind up looking paranoid.
Any advice on how I should talk to him about it or what to do?
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Comments (40)
If you know that he doesn't mean it to you, then don't worry about it.
And if it bothers you that he does it, ask him to stop.
And if you think he means it, talk to him about it.
And if he's trying to cheat on her, (I doubt it) tell his girlfriend.
But odds are, he's just an attention guy. He needs to have affection at all times. If that bothers you, talk to him.
Wait... why are you allowing this to happen? "He tends to be affectionate with me"????? I think you need to clear the air with your homie over there. Looks like he's trying to have his cake & eat it too. Dont tolerate it. Whether he likes you or not, you can't control that. But what you can control is whether he can/cannot continue to act/behave this way around you. Even if he's a good friend to you, he should respect you and respect his current girlfriend and not overstep his boundaries. You may want to analyze the type of "friendship" you have w/ this person.
Easy fix - don't hang out with them as just the three of you.
Chances are if he hung out with you and her the same way he does with just you, the girl would get jealous.
@eyesochinky@xanga - This as well.
Boundaries should probably be set.
I think you need to come clean.
If you look at it from a bad way,
you kind of sound like... his 'other' girl...
except its not official..
which actually makes it even better for him.
as long as its not official,
whatever his intentions are,
they don't count as cheating.
Have someone videotape you two when he's being extra friendly. Send the video to his girlfriend. Watch the aftermath and laugh at the ensuing hilarity.
...or take @eyesochinky@xanga and@moritheil@xanga advices
It seems to me like he is a spoiled brat that usually gets his way. He should be pulled to the side and told what he is doing and that he is in fact hurting you with his behavior. You should be good enough when you two are alone or when his girlfriend is around.
He's being kind of sleazy...and you're not helping. You KNOW he has a girlfriend, yet you let him "be affectionate". Quit it. You are the "other woman" and you know it. Put yourself in the girlfriend's shoes...how would it look to you?
He has a gf; you're going to have to get used to being a third wheel.
If I were his gf and found out that he and you were a little too
affectionate with each, I would not be happy about it. In fact,
usually when my guy friends get with a girl, I usually tone down our
flirting. So, maybe there is something you're not telling us...like
maybe you're jealous and wish that he wasn't with someone else.
Of course, you two need to talk because he's not setting up boundaries. Is your problem that he flirts with you when you two are alone or is it because you are ignored when he is with his gf? The first situation implies that you are worried that you are hurting his gf. The latter says that you want his gf to realize that you and him have something more.
you're the fill-in for when his girl isn't there. drop him.
he doesn't love you
lol guys, guys... you're all taking it a bit too serious here. maybe it's all good and fun. i tell some of my closer female friends that i love them, they know i'm kidding... no biggie.
however... the mere fact that you're writing this tells me that you actually might have some hidden affection for him. I'm not sure though, it's just a suggestion... up to you to decide. I suggest you to sort your feelings out. If it really bugs you, as you actually find yourself being jealous of his gf taking attention away from you... I think you need to stop being the 3rd person and tell him to stop. Or stop yourself. Never be a homewrecker. Trust me.
talk about having the cake and eating it too...props to him for being smooth. sucks for you.
Kick his a$$ to the curb. Quit being his 2nd choice girl.
Ok, you're fucked up. And he's fucked up too. And I feel bad for the gf because she probably doesn't know about his affection towards you, and I'm sure if she did then she would be pissed. You need to know the difference between a friend and boyfriend. And remember that what goes around comes around.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - lol. great idea.
Best friend? Right. I feel where you're coming from. You guys bond on a real good level, but it sometimes lead to somethin' else. Now that he has a girl, he won't give you as much as attention.
Either 1) Just keep it chill , and not give a fuck
or 2) Not give a fuck, and keep it chill.
=] Your choice.
everyone here basicaly has the same opinion.
He's playing with your feelings. Dump him. He's not your friend and he's not a good bf. He's just a selfish guy who likes to get whatever attention from women that he can even if it ends up hurting others.
He's an attention whore. As long as he's getting it from you/her he's happy. Drop him. Seems like a skeeze to me.
I'm confused. Do you love this guy?
With that aside, I find friends who ignore me just because he is going out with someone else very frustrating. I would have a good talk with him if I were you. After all, what are friends for?
Tell him, how you feel. And seriously stop letting him be all over you.
Have respect for yourself and the other girl. Clearly you know its wrong, so ask him to stop.
Xo
@BranmacFeabhail@xanga - i second that.
he's just using you as a back up.
when she shows up. you're not 'there'
if he loved you. he would break up with her for you.
hes playing you.
don't fall for it.
hate to say this.but don't be the home wrecker.
get out NOW.
Just be direct and honest with how you feel about it. Honestly, he is in the wrong here, and you need to clear things up so that you don't get caught in some awful mess later on.
@eyesochinky@xanga - Right on.