Dr. Datingish
I met this wonderfully amazing guy about 3 months ago. I am absolutely
crazy about him. He was in a really bad relationship for 3 years. His
ex was a bad drug addict and in turn he became codependent on the
relationship. Once we started hanging out together (all the time) I
finally got him to realize that she wasn't worth the time or energy he
used to think about and obsess about her and her current actions. We
ended up getting really close.
I became reliant on him always being
just a few miles away. He got a job in Pennsylvania at the beginning
of October, and I took it really hard because I really like this guy. I
would try to express what I felt to him the week he was leaving, but he
had no choice - he had to have a job and that one was the only one he
could find. I really am happy for him that he was able to get the job,
but I'm very disheartened by the fact that he had to move so far away.
I finally got him to realize that it was hers to lose, not his, and that
she was absolutely crazy for leaving him. He's still trying to get
over her, but since he has been in Pennsylvania, he has started talking
to this other girl. I was sooooo jealous and I made it known to him that
I was clearly hurt and felt as if I was a rebound. He promised me that
I was not a rebound but a very dear close friend.
I have tried to be
subtle and try to get him to realize that I want to be with him without
just saying it (because I know that he is still a little gunshy from the
last relationship). I have told him that he needs a girl that he can
fully rely on and trust that she won't hurt him. (I was referring to
myself) He said that he really cares about me and that I needed to get out
of this one horse town that I live in.
When I tell him that I really
REALLY like him, says it back to me and I feel he is being honest that
he does like me too. Then he tells me about going out with this other
girl (increasingly more and more), and it really is beginning to bother me.
I really do like him and I can see us having a future together (of
course, we would have to live closer than we do now). But how do I get
him to even let me know what his thoughts are on this without scaring
him away? PLEASE HELP!!
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Comments (17)
um....no choice but to tell him how you really feel.
Geography can make relationships so terribly complicated! I've done both the wrong things a person can do - moved and upended my life to go live with a guy because I thought he was the "one," and also refused to leave where I lived to move to be with someone who probably was the "one."
So where does that leave you? I don't know! I think your guy might be interested in something serious with you if you lived closer but you can't move, I guess?
I wish you the very best in any case!
Felicia
i think i have to be honest here. you'd scare anyone away with that. I think you need to realize that this isn't going to go anywhere. take it for what it is and don't waste your time trying to chase after the wind. Obviously you weren't worth having a long distance relationship with- OR he is lonely so he has take what he's got. Hate to sound all cliche, but if it's meant to be, it'll be. So stop moping around and live your life without him. You'll be fine
It doesn't sound like you were ever a rebound or going to be a rebound. You're a close friend, as he's already stated to you explicitly. I think you've made it clear to him that you want to be with him as more than a friend and in turn, he's made it clear that he doesn't want to pursue a romantic relationship with you. And what you think he needs - a girl that he can trust and rely on - isn't what he wants or needs at the moment. Sorry but you should let this one go.
Tell me this did yall ever do anything? Go out on an official date? Was there relationship status between you?
Im sorry im totally ignoring your story. Im just gonna say I almost hooked up with a guy on halloween at a party. I was so happy cause it was a guy I've liked since highschool. But then I remembered he was buzzed and he was still trying to get over his ex. So I pushed him away.
:(
He asked for my number tho, so hopefully he'll call!
girls love to chase after the things they can't have.
i say you tell him now or forever keep you mouth shut. from the looks of it he cares about you in a friendly kind of way. sorry but that's how i see it. i mean sometimes we care about someone but it does not mean we wanted to be in a relationship with that someone. in your case i think he cares about you being that you've showed him the light at the end of a really dark tunnel, sadly your just the light and not that someone at the end of it.
so maybe if you tell him now, there could be a chance. Good luck!
@immaairheadxl@xanga - i'm guilty with this crime. im trying my best not to be anymore though.
Ok
1) tell him how you really feel tell him straight up what you want
2) ask yourself, are you willing to move and or make a long distance relationship work
3) what do you really want with him
4) did you stop to think that perhaps this girl is either his real deal or his rebound
5) talk to him seriously about it, go to him asap- buy a ticket yourself and go talk to him in person about it
6) tell him how you feel about the girl in his life now, tell him if you are to remain friends you don't want to hear about the details
or ever think he might not be ready to be in a serious relationship, he may need to do some major healing first.
coming from a relationship that was years and years of addiction, HIS ( alcohol) it took me a few years to get over it, and sometimes I still am not fully recovered.
ask him where he and this girl are heading and then ask where he wants it to go. perhaps you can make the agreement you remain good friends until hes ready for something real and ask him not scale things back with this girl and others.
write him an email and asked him about it??
If you haven't caught the hint by now that he is not interested, I don't know what else to tell you....
move on...you are wasting your time...
He is not into you...sorry
been there, done that.....
Just tell him. You said you've gotten close. Don't let lack of conversation get in the way. It's better that you do it now so that he can realize where you're coming from. Just be honest.
uhh...sorry but he's just not that into you. Please move on with your life and stop waiting for this guy. He clearly isn't what you need even if you think you do. If he wants you, you'll know. Venture out, have fun with other people, mingle!! You'll be OK, I promise. Acceptance is the key in all this "heart-healing" process.
Aww, it sounds like you got friend zoned. When he starts talking about the other girl increasingly, that means somethings up (if he's not intentionally trying to make you jealous, which it doesn't sound like.) Next time, say it straight out, "Do you want to be with me?" so that you know exactly how he feels. Then you can move on by accepting him as just a friend or decide what to do from there.
He kinda stated you either have to be closer to him
Or he'll be with the other girl he's seeing
Cause for now - it doesnt seems like its going to work out between you two - cause you guys are so far apart
& he did state : that you're a close* friend to him
Maybe you should jsut let it be
It's not going to work between you - I'm sorry.
Not going to lie, I winced reading this. I just got out of a situation that was different in the background story, but from an emotions/feelings standpoint, identical. I thought he was the love of my life... and now he's living hundreds of miles away with his girlfriend. Shit happens.