Monday, 03 November 2008
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Are Girls Golddiggers?
Miss Seal
Hush. I think girls have it much tougher than boys, and whatever you say, we still get 70 cents to your dollar, gentlemen. However, finance is the one realm where there is an unfair double standard for men. A guy friend recently suggested that girls look for the three 6s in the opposite sex: 6 feet, 6-figure salary, and as I am a lady, the last six will be left to your imagination.You will notice that only one of those factors can actually be changed: one's salary. I feel that whenever girls start talking about the opposite sex, the question that inevitably pops up is "Can he provide for you?". I think I speak for all of us when I say, we can provide for ourselves. Then what makes a guy being established so important and attractive?
We can turn to Jane Austen: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
We can turn to T.I. in "Whatever You Like": "You want it, I got it, go get it, I buy it / Tell them other broke joker, 'be quiet.' "
We can turn to TLC: "Want to get with me with no money? / Oh no, I don't want no scrub."
So what is going on here? I would hope that the idea of the man being the sole breadwinner of the family is outdated and has been proven wrong countless times. Yet again and again, I hear my friends say, "He has a terrible job; he's going nowhere fast," and the like. My best friend's mother has a whole theory on dating pools, where she insists we "study" at the law school library or, if worst comes to worst, the business school library in our cutest outfits (I brought this up to my mom to say it's ridiculous, but she agreed! Woe to the cosmetic nature of the off-the-boat Russian culture).
Gentlemen, do you feel you become more attractive if you make a lucrative living, whether or not you like your job? Ladies, do you really go by the three 6s? What's going on here?
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Comments (170)
hmmmm, this is a pretty good question.
I would never go out with a gold digger, but i like spoiling people (not necessarily expensive gifts per se).
lol
For me, the idea of being with somebody who has a good job is more about him having skills rather than money. I can take care of myself, and in most of my relationships, I've been the one with the most money. I don't mind it. But I don't like it when guys aren't going anywhere. It's not about money, but more about respect, I think. No one wants a lazy bum that sits around playing video games all day? Personally, I like guys with jobs like military, law enforcement, construction, auto repair...basically guys that work with their hands. This means they have skills, and while they don't make much money, they have very demanding jobs that make a difference. Again, it's not about money, it's about being able to respect them. (I tend to write a lot about respect....)
Another point to consider...a lot of guys are the ones that want to make more money than a girl. Plenty of guys get all bent out of shape that I make more money than them. It becomes competitive, and they almost resent me for it. It's like I've taken away their manhood or something. Ridiculous. So sometimes guys are the ones perpetuating this stereotype.
I don't expect much from a guy besides great sex, and I have my own car, apartment, clothes, job etc. So I don't consider myself a gold digger. But it goes both ways because Ive heard a lot of shit from guys lately saying they want a woman who can cook. Guess a lot of people havent left the 1950s.
If a girl only wants me for my money and not for me, then she can go fuck herself.
Money is not the most important thing in a relationship. For someone to just get money from the other person is just plain selfish. I don't need money to make me more attractive. I can do that on my own by being a nice trustworthy gentlemen.
One thing is gold digging, another thing is wanting to be in a stable financial situation. Like you said, for every dollar men make, women make 70 cents so you can't blame a woman for expecting the man to bring something to the table. I'm not searching for 6 figures, but I do want to know that he's going somewhere and that he's going to be able to be independent.
I think it is more about finding a man who is accomplished and just like us, can take care of himself ! I refuse to have a man who has to depend on me, financially.
I personally would want to date a guy that's going somewhere in life. He doesnt necessarily need to make 6 figures nor does he have to be 6ft tall. But I would at least hope that he matches my salary or better. Why? Because I believe in staying home with my children during the first few years of their lives and if he cannot bring home the bacon, I can't do that. The first few years of a child's life is the most important (imo) since they learn to do everything then, ie: walk & talk.
Given the fact that I live in CA, living cost is pretty high here. I want to be able to live comfortably yet I dont need my SO to be filthy rich -- as long as bills are paid and we're not living off scraps each month, it's all good. For example, if I wanted to take a week off to go traveling, it wouldn't be a huge financial burden (like I'd have to starve myself for a month just to save for my trip). If that's what you consider "gold digging" then I guess I am? HAHA
And if you really want to get down to the nitty gritty of it. If a guy lacks ambition, he is someone that doesnt really value his life. (IMHO) I wouldnt want to give myself up or share MY life with someone that doesn't value their own. Money & ambition almost go hand in hand.
And for that last "6".....a 6....really? That's a low number. Ahahaha.
Xo
Its in our genes to want a provider. But even if it weren't, I don't want someone going nowhere. No, he doesn't have to provide for me, but he better bring something to the table. Not to say that a man that wanted to be a stay at home dad or a painter or something would be unacceptable (because you don't have to have money to be someone). He just can't be a broke ass loser.
I really don't care about a guys financial situation probably because I'm in college and have no money to my name, so I cannot be one to judge. There's no point in expecting much from guys of the same age group. Later in life though, I would like to be with someone who is financially stable. I don't need the 6 figure salary...they just have to be able to provide for themselves. If a man is really just going downhill then there is no point in being with him - he will just drag you down. If anything I've always been taught that you can't depend on others...if you rely on a man too much and for some reason or another it doesn't work out...you're out on the street with nothing AKA completely screwed. More or less women should worry about their own finances first. Being treated by a man is always nice, but there is no reason to rely on him. :P
if the last 6 is what i think it is, ummm.......that's not enough
i dont need a man to have a lot of money to talk to me...if i cant get it myself, then i dont need it.
Yes -but are not limited to "only girls".
No. Here are my reasons.
1) I don't care if the guy is shorter than 6 feet because I am five feet nothing. However, my boyfriend is about 6'0, maybe an inch or so shorter.
2)He doesn't have to be a millionaire, though I wouldn't want someone too far below the status I'm at. And as of yet, I'm not making in the 6-figures (but hey, I'm a college student). I want an equal, not a superior, and not a daddy. I already have the latter two, thank you.
3) Dick size doesn't and shouldn't matter,unless you're a seriously stretched whore and/or incredibly superficial (probably taking sex and the city wayyy too seriously).
Like most generalizations, some girls are looking for set criteria; some aren't.
I will add that some of the most miserable people I know of are those who married strictly according to pre-set criteria without considering what would really mesh well with them personally.
Money is nice....but when men give a gift...there is always a "catch" attached to it.....a price to pay.
Better to not owe anything.
I don't want someone with a six figure income. I could never fit into that culture. I want him to be employed, but not the CEO of some company.
It's not so much about money to me; it's about ambition. A motivated, driven man is very attractive to me. I find it incredibly sexy that my fiance wants to land a good job and continue to advance in his education and career. Even if he never gets another raise in his life, I find it very hot that he desires to advance.
We each offer different contributions to the family. His priorities are securing a job first, free time second. I personally, at this point in my life (subject to change down the line, of course), do not care to have a "career". I absolutely intend to work (probably part-time) and contribute money to the family, but I have no desire for any sort of power career--to me, if I'm working 50 hours a week, that's 50 hours a week that my future kids are missing out on. To be a great businesswoman, in my case at least, would mean being a less-than-great mom. And I've evaluated it all and reached the conclusion that for me, motherhood is what I want most. Once my kids hit school age, I may reevaluate and decide to become a lawyer or a stockbroker, but for now, it's just not important to me. I will be a mom and wife first, and everything else second.
I was never looking for a man to "support" me, but I got very lucky in finding one who WANTS me to be, for the most part, a full-time mom, something I live for. He understands that for us personally, it makes no sense for both of us to be out working all the time. Someone needs to be home with our kids, and we have agreed that it should be me, the mommy, not a nanny or a daycare center. These were our thoughts about our personal situation--it may be different for others, but this is what we want for us.
That being said, many men also base their self-worth and overall "success" on how much they're making. My fiance wants to feel like he's doing a good job providing for his family; he feels that is his role in our family. And I am making it clear to him that I don't care about a number--he can "support" the family just as well on $50,000 a year as he could on $250,000. I don't want him to ever feel like it's about money, or that he's not as valuable a father/husband as a guy who's making twice his salary. He is working his hardest, and to me, that is what makes a good "provider", regardless of what he earns.
I'm happy to make him feel like he's providing for us and taking care of us, but it's not like I'm sitting around, lunching and getting facials every day. I work, and I contribute, too. Is it nearly as much as he is? Definitely not, and it may never be. We're both okay with that, for now. Should that feeling ever change, we'll both be open to discussing it. It's all about what works for each family and their personal situation, and as long as no one is taking the other for granted, I don't think it's golddigging.
I still prefer to think of myself as being independent & financially abled.
are girls golddiggers?
Yes.
and I didnt even have to read the whole article!
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - *clap clap* best answer I've read.
Well... if your goal is to be a housewife and/or to have children, the guy needs to be able to provide while you're pregnant and then when you're taking care of the kid/s unless you send them directly to daycare. And if anything he should at least be able to cover his share of the bills if you're looking at him for marriage material.
If I were to scope out 6 foot tall men, I would ALWAYS look like a goddamn midget. So, no. 6-figure salary, as a college student the guys in my um, zone, are lucky to be earning any kind of salary at all. As long as he can back it up with his buck if he wants to take me to a movie, I'm cool with whatever. As for the other 6.. taking cues from the other commentors... no, don't care about that six either, doesn't pertain to me any.
6 figure salary would be nice - but not a MUST
6 feet tall - would be nice - but not a must
6 ..... --that...no comment
I don't really care about how much my significant other makes so long as he can afford to help me support our family. I do care if he's capable of providing or if he has a stable job with plenty of room to grow. That said, my boyfriend is definitely going to make more money than I as I am a teacher while he has his own business but that's not the key reason why I was attracted to him nor is that the sole reason why I'm staying with him. I do like how he has the ability to care for me & our family should we end up getting married someday but I'm not going to depend on him.. I'm planning on doing my share however I can.
It's not about the money. It's about the ambition and the stability. You know this person works hard and achieves goals, and that's much more attractive than someone who's lazy and has no goals. Money generally equals success generally equals a certain amount of drive. Plus, while we can take care of ourselves and I do not advocate leeching off of men's money, I also don't advocate men leeching off of my money so any guy I date had better be able to take care of himself the way I can take care of myself.