Miss Zebra
"I just couldn't be with anyone who doesn't care of their body and is overweight. That just...disturbs me."
I sat looking at him trying to keep a semblance of control on my face. Surely he did not just say that! Here was this guy trying to impress me and he makes a comment like that. Granted, he is very fit and works out several times a week. He has always made fitness a priority in his life and that's great, I respect him for that. But that comment really took me aback and made me think.
Yes, I like to care of my body and stay fit. But I don't want to be with a guy who doesn't want to be with me anymore if I were to gain weight. That also shows (to me, at least, that one of his main focuses is on how I look. While, for the moment, that's a compliment because he wants to be with me, it's not something to base a long-term relationship on, obviously.
What do y'all think? What would you have done if someone had said this to you?
Do you find yourself mainly being with people of a similar "fitness level?"
How much does health and fitness play a part in your relationship?
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Comments (115)
I would prefer a signifigant other who makes a constant effort to stay healthy and in shape, but not necessarily to stay 'thin.' My boyfriend is very well built and is by no means fat. He threw shot put and discus in high school, wrestled, and now in college is involved with intramural sports like volleyball and softball and is thinking about taking up lacrosse. A lot of people questioned me when I began to date him because I have always been extremely active and have a thinner frame. But just because someone doesn't fit the stereotypical healthy look, doesn't mean they are not in fact, healthy. We are at different fitness levels and it doesn't bother me at all. He's like a teddy bear :]
depends on if they have money. girls will tend to sometime take big people because no one else will want them. it often comes down to money.
If it disturbs you, that's fine. He's being honest about something that means a lot to him; if you can't accept it, part ways.
Better now than years down the road.
@FIREExATxWILL@xanga - lol lol how gay; a teddy bear? seriously?
why would any smart person say that? that sound like something an idiot would say....
I would have said "Peace out!" to his ass. You have every right to feel offended, especially if you're thinking of that possibility of it becoming long-term. I wouldn't even want to go down that route & end up getting married & pregnant & have him be disgusted with my huge belly.
I have no cookie-cutter image for my guy 'cause personality takes precedent over looks for me.
Personally, I don't work out & many people have said I don't really need to. [I'm stick skinny & can eat everything in sight & still end up losing weight.] But that doesn't mean I'm healthy.. [I've got cholesterol issues.] & so it bothers me when people are envious of my figure. [There really isn't much to be jealous of 'cause besides being stick skinny, I'm also flat chested. >.<] Since I don't work out, I think it'd be unfair to demand that my boyfriend work out to stay in shape for me.. I do want him to be at a healthy weight level. However, I won't get bothered if he ends up looking like the Michelin tire man 'cause I'll still love him regardless. :) & I know my boyfriend loves me for me -- regardless of what I look like. :)
The problem is when most guys say that, it doesn't really mean that they care whether or not a girl takes good care of her body, they just don't want to be with a girl who is oveweight. A girl could eat like crap and never exercise, and most guys won't care as long as she is slim.
It wouldn't bother me that much if my guy was overweight, as long as he wasn't grossly obese, or a total slob.
I think if someone said that, it would disturb me. I think it's legit to want your partner to be and stay attractive, but to actually say that to them is a bit much.
I'm not in shape right now, and it's not because I don't care about my body. It's because I got sick awhile ago with a respiratory condition. If a guy doesn't want to be with me because of that, I don't hold it against him. I wouldn't want to date someone with a respiratory condition either. I'd rather have him be honest with himself than to date me just so he feels more open minded.
And you can be really in shape and still be overweight.
I've been with fat guys. I've been with skinny guys. I've been with in-the-middle guys. It doesn't matter as long as he's a genuine person who's interested in me for me.
As for the guy in question, /shrug. It's his opinion and if it bothers you, don't become involved with him. Not everyone is going to agree/disagree with him...it takes all types to make the world go round.
at least he's honest about being shortsighted. staying healthy and fit is an admirable trait to be emulated, no doubt. but in the long run, all bodies break down eventually. i prefer to focus on more stable factors of attractiveness like personality, intelligence..oh yeah...and the eyes. lol.
never had your particular situation happen to me, but i did cut off a relationship with a girl who was obscenely rude to a homeless panhandler. sure, they're annoying and probably put themselves in that position in the first place...but what's the point of kicking someone when they're down? it just shows an abominable lack of class. i can tell you that THAT disturbs me.
Comments like that get me really annoyed with society. Someone who's slightly overweight doesn't mean their unhealthy, it all depends on their body and what's good for them.
That would have been such a turn off for me that I would have ended it right there. Granted, it's his opinion, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought that way.
Ah, but see, I think I'd have to agree with him. It's true that looks don't count for everything, in fact they count for quite a little, but not taking care of yourself is a little different. I feel like 'letting yourself go' is like being lazy, or giving up on yourself. Taking care of your body is loving yourself, and that's not only healthy, it's attractive. I also feel like making an effort to be in shape is also a form of adoration for whoever youre with. If my man was chubby and not doing anything to help it, even with me in mind, I would not be a happy chica.
However, in this context, it would bother me for sure, because i get the vibe that he was referring to general attractiveness, not health or fitness. Obviously. Because you can be tremendously in shape and still not be slender. Weight is hard for women to control, guys! Give us a break! Big, strong women are beautiful too!
At least he's honest.
For me personally, looks do help in a relationship, but they're definitely not the deciding factor in whether or not I stay with a guy.
I would prefer my SO to care about his health. That doesn't necessarily mean he needs to be skinny and/or muscley. He just needs to be healthy.
It's hard to go around the physical fitness issue-- We have to be physically attracted to people in the first place, and if we're only attracted to people of certain sizes and shapes then it's hard to ignore that. Also, it's a matter of lifestyle-- An athlete and a couch potato may find few things to share in common.
However, we also tend to forget that whenever we let someone into our lives, we have to expect that they will change physically. Yes, as you put it, it would suck if someone you were dating dumped you because you gained a few pounds. But never mind fitness-- There are so many other situations that could also make you reconsider whether or not you want to be with someone-- We're all going to get old and saggy eventually, no matter how hot and fit we might be in our youth. Plus, how about all the things we can't control? Like a car accident that renders a person paralyzed? Or an illness that deteriorates their body?
I guess that's when we know that we really love someone-- When we can take them regardless of what their bodies look like.
Thats silly. What if later you got a condition where it was risky for you to work out?
he sounds kinda shady.
@thegreatchristopher@xanga - Yeah. Granted, he doesn't like it when I call him that hah.
Guys usually tell me the opposite: "Keep eating, I want to see more ass on you!" or silly, playful comments like that. And while I'm still young with a fast metabolism, I am never going to work out. It's a fact.
For me, every guy I either liked or dated seriously (besides one) was kind of overweight and lazy (oh, me and the Taurus males!) or became that way. Their appearance never changed how I felt about them though.
Hopefully this guy drops the idea that gaining weight means you don't care about yourself. Sometimes it just happens, and you don't deserve to be loved or paid attention to any less because of that.
@FIREExATxWILL@xanga - i bet lol
i like athletic girls and people in general who stay fit and healthy, but i have no stipulations or ultimatums as far a girl's fitness.
i like being active and outdoor activities and hopefully she'll like the same so the question as to whether she's 'fit' enough isn't a problem or something that needs to be said or discussed. and being fit isn't how she looks to me, but whether we can do things together.
however, if a person is to make such demands for fitness, he'd better do the same. i only expect a certain amount of 'fitness' from a women just because of what i like and because i do the same.
this guy just sees like a bit of a meathead though, not to mention tactless.
WHAT?!
No thanks, dude. No thanks....
Im gonna come right out and say it. I can't be with a morbidly obese man because I don't happen to find that physically attractive. If I do not find someone physically attractive, I just can not date them. That is not too say that I date classically handsome men...I dont. I have dated physically fit men and I have dated skinny guys and guys who were like 20 pounds overweight. Physical attraction is about much more than looks...it's about chemistry. Im sure there are plenty of men out there who wont date me because my ass is ridiculously big..oh well, I cant fault them for not finding me physically attractive. To each his own is what I believe.Â
I work out a few times a week. I try to keep myself in shape. For God sakes, I am running a marathon so I have to be at least somewhat in shape. I want a man who takes care of himself...call it shallow but that's what I like.Â
I think I would have just started at him blankly like this
I find myself with people who enjoy working out and enjoy being fit, but it's never been a main point in my relationships. I think it plays a good part in your relationship when you all can work out together, and share fitness tips, and eating healthy tips because that shows that you care about them.
Btw, I know that I am not a pretty or classically beautiful girl...so I dont expect much when it comes to the attractiveness level of the men I date.Â
I'm a firm believer that health is your #1 wealth.. and physical attraction is important..