Sunday, 02 November 2008
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Getting Stood Up by Dates...ARGH!
Miss Polar Bear
"Don't hate me, but I can't come tonight like we planned."
"Sorry, I've just been so busy"
"I never said I'd definitely be able to see you today - why are you mad?"Ah, the sounds of being stood up, ditched or lied to like you're that gullible; I've been hearing them more than my favorite songs lately all thanks to this special boy...this special boy who just so happens to be in a well known band and now on my TV screen every five minutes to remind me of what I came so close to having - if only he'd show up.
The last straw was pulled Monday night when I took two subways to Penn Station and anxiously awaited his arrival (he lives about an hour away). I received a text from him stating he was there, but when I asked where exactly he was in this overwhelmingly huge train station, I received no response for at least twenty minutes.
Mr. Band Boy finally decided to text me saying, "you're going to hate my guts, but I have to go back home...there's an emergency." Finding this so completely unbelievable, I gave him a call and asked if I could at least see him for a few minutes but no - he was already back on another train home.
Really?
I can't help but think this was being said as he sat on his couch at home, especially because I've barely heard from him since. Keep in mind this has happened with the same boy several times before. I finally received a text last night saying his band would be in the city next week playing a show and that I should come. I really just wanted to respond back with, "if I come, will the show suddenly be canceled?"
Have you ever been stood up? Have you ever been the one to stand someone up?
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Comments (50)
That's terrible, and from your side, it certainly looks like he has no excuse for not being forthright. I would argue, however, that the flip side exists - there really are family emergencies, there really are people who are terrible at planning, and so forth.
Just something to keep in mind.
I once had a similar problem with a guy who meant a lot to me - we'd make plans and something would come up, his friends needed him, there was an emergency, etc. etc. It got to the point where it was obvious to everyone but me that he not only didn't care as much as I did, he might have been trying to avoid me. I gave up, and feel much better about myself for it.
Never been stood up before.
People will use you, it happens. Just accept that the guy's a jerk and move on. I have been stood up before, but I either got over it, or decided the guy wasn't worth it.
Best of luckpunctuality and reliability are 2 VERY important things to me. i have a system of weeding out people that aren't capable of those 2 things (particularly reliability). in short, if you fuck me over in a minor way 3 times, or a major way (like what you listed above) once, you're on my shitlist and i don't speak to you until you make it up to me.
you're a very, very patient person to let him do that to you not twice, but "several" times! please realize that you'd be doing yourself a favor by not dealing with this guy anymore.
...unless you only want to get in his pants because he's a rock star, i suppose, in which case i have no sympathy.
Talk to him. Let him know that if he really cares for you and wants
to keep seeing you, he actually has to SEE you! You can't be left
waiting for him all the time.
Sounds like dating somebody working 7/12s. And for me, that was a cover up for another girl
it happens to me constantly. Especially from this one guy. And its frustrating cause he always uses the "I never said I could definitely show" excuse. and heres another one just to give an example
He told me we could hang out that night.
I asked him "You have nothing to do tonight?"
and he said "well I have one more student at 9 but he's always alittle late."
"How long are the classes?"
"an hour"
"ok so I'll call you at 11."
"ok bye"
Basically I gave him a whole hour to be late. I called at 10:40 and asked "Are you almost done?"
and he told me the student hadnt even gotten there!
I know its not his fault if the student isnt there on time. But if he knows he wont be ready by 11 then he should have called to say something. And he tried to give me all this shit that he never gave me a time. and that I wasnt his girlfriend so I couldnt get angry at him and augh.
Boys are shit. Leave it at that/
That's messed up. It sounds like he's just keeping you on a string. I've had this happen to me continuously, not with a guy, but with a friend. She would make tentative plans with me, so I wouldn't plan anything else. But last minute as I would wait for her call, she either wouldn't pick up, or send a text saying something came up and she couldn't make it.
Turns out, she was just using me as a back-up plan in case she had nothing else to do. Otherwise, she would have made definite plans and showed up. F that.
Seems pretty jerkish. He should have at least called instead of texting you, especially as it relates to canceling a date.
p.s. Out of curiosity, what's the name of his band?
sounds like my sister's loser boyfriend. anyway, if you've been stood up so many times, you should consider kicking him to the curb and find someone who can really treat you the way you should be treated...not like some kind of a backup plan for him....gayness on his part!
Man, you should have texted that response back! Hahahah. But, no, I've never been stood up, nor did I stood anyone up (I hope). You should be done with him. It's obvious that he doesn't want anything to do with you. You can do way better than that and you will easily.
The first time you can give the benefit of the doubt, second time is suspicious coincidence, third time is deliberate deceit. Hah. Also he could just be flaky by nature or in the alternative, the flakiness results from juggling multiple girls and you're just not high up in his priority at the moment.
I almost--almost--stood up my fiance on our first date. Mostly because I was so nervous, I was just plain chickening out.
Luckily, I didn't leave him hanging, or who knows where I'd be right now! I've never actually had someone stand me up, though. I don't think they'd warrant a second date if they did that.
-Katie
Shame on you for agreeing to dates after the second or third time.
I've been stood up by friends, not really dates.. but they have all been male. About four times in the past month actually.. twice by two guys and twice by another. I only tolerated the once with the one guy because he (at least at some point) seemed to have a crush on me, and obviously if you want me to believe I matter that much to you the least you could do is show up to a FREE movie.
Ahem.... the other guy got two chances because I don't think he likes me.
The other guy who did it once, well, eh. He's going to get an earful, if not only because he stopped responding to my txt messages when he could just have easily told me he wasn't going to meet up with me.
But now I've given up and I'm not making any more plans except with girl friends and with my friend Tyler, who doesn't flake out on me.
Kick him to the curb. It's not fair to you that he's being such a jerk with your feelings. If he can't be straight with you, he's not worth it. Some guys can be such a-holes.
saw your footprints ..
wat you ? a date?
I have never been stood up, and stood someone up. When I setup a date with someone, I do whatever it takes to keep the date. Unless there is really an emergency, but let's be real. How often does that happen? Not often I say. So, ladies and gentlemen if you don't want to go on a date with someone just say no. Don't say yes and later find an excuse to cancel it.
Neverrrr. I might be about 30 mins late, but never stood up anyone, and I'm proud of it :D
And I don't remember if I was ever stood up... hmmmmm.
ugh I HATE THAT!!! I don't understand why some males find it acceptable to do that. The guy I was seeing kept doing it and I got so sick of it I called him on it and said I was done. Then he was all "sorry" and "I'll change" and stupid things like that. THEN he really wanted to do something so I said MAYBE and then told him I didn't want to do it anymore. And he has the balls to get mad at me. I cancel a plan ONCE and he has the right to get mad at me for something he did regularly?!?! bullshit... (excuse my french, I'm frustrated)....
Oh wow. I was kind of experiencing the same thing.
this is interesting-- i hope more people respond. :)
hmm so I guess if they choose their "emergency" excuse over you, that must mean that their "emergency" is more important, no?
not stood up, but there was a time when i waited for three hours for my boyfriend to show up somewhere that we were supposed to meet... and i was actually LATER than i said i'd be there. -___-;;
who is this?
I never stood anyone up
If you dont want to go SAY YOUR BUSY OR MAKE UP SOME OTHER BULLSHIT in the first place
Dont bail out last min
Hate guys that stood me up
Especially when i took the time and effort to dress up and get all dolled up - then get crushed at the last min
My ex does that to me all the time....but i forgave him again and again.....
My boyfriend has stood me up a few times before, but the craziest things really happen to him & his family. He tries his best to be there though even if he can't come at that specific time. The thing is if he does stand me up, he makes it up to me. It isn't just some constant thing. I don't stand people up unless it is a family emergency.
From what you've told us this guy just seems like a jerk. It just sounds like he is blowing you off. Since you see a pattern here, it is up to you to make the next step.
If I were you I would not trust this guy. I had an ex do this to me towards the end of our relationship. Every time we'd make plans either "something" would suddenly come up and he'd have to cancel on me or I'd go to where we were getting together at and he wouldn't show up. I usually ended up staying at the place for a good 30 minutes calling him (him not answering of course) before giving up.
It wasn't until the relationship was over that I found out that he wasn't showing up because he was seeing a different woman. =/