Saturday, 01 November 2008
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Does Arguing Mean Flirting?
This is a guest blog submitted by goodgirl_196.
What is "flirting" and what exactly does it mean? I thought I knew what flirting was but apparently my definition differs from most.
Yesterday towards the end of my evening class, I engaged in a somewhat mild argument with a classmate and I'm not sure how much further it would have gone if our professor hadn't jumped in with a compromise. Maybe it would have fizzled, maybe it would have exploded into a full-blown argument, but who's to say?
I honestly did not consider this to be flirtatious, but a friend/fellow classmate doesn't see it the same way. Today she sent me an e-mail to tell me that the group I'm in had done a good job presenting our lesson during class yesterday and at the end she brought up the "flirting" that took place. The following is an excerpt from the e-mail:
Although, I did see you flirting with your "boyfriend" when you came over and he was talking about poverty in the schools and why those parents are less involved. I think I was more focused on the flirting and the two of you then I was on the lesson. LOL
To this I can't help but think, "Arguing is flirting?" Granted, I do have a crush on this guy, but I don't think that having an academic argument is flirting and I don't think my well-concealed crush interfered with our group discussion. Don't get me wrong, I would be happy if he were to flirt with me ("happy" is probably an understatement) but I don't want to get excited over something that wasn't flirting. Also, how can I argue with him (or someone else) and have him take me seriously instead of thinking I'm being a flirt, how do I differentiate between the two?
Is it only flirting because I have a crush on him or would other people consider our behavior to be flirtatious regardless of whether or not they know I have a small crush on him?To me, flirting is... softer in nature or more subtle. I mean, it's not arguing, it's a non-explicit way of communicating that you like someone. How does arguing express that you are attracted? Is it the way you argue?
Simply put, I'm in need of some clarification: what exactly is flirting?
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Comments (28)
Ever heard the story of three blind men who were touching an elephant at three different spots? One just touched the tail, one the ear, and the other his side (some versions have the trunk too, anyway...) The point of the story is when asked what they thought an elephant looked like, they each gave different answers that were related to their perspective and experience.
I think the principle applies here. People are going to define flirting in different ways basing on their own experience and viewpoint. From my point of view, I do not see a classroom discussion as flirting. However, if someone else is used to flirting like that, or was one the lookout for you flirting, they would take it as that.
And yes I know that doesn't help you at all...
i think its all about body language.. so maybe it wasn't what you said but what you were doing. sometimes arguing can make two people quite intimate!!! annah x
To me arguing as flirting all depends on the intentions of the two people......
In my experience flirting can mean everything.....or nothing......
It really depends on the other person's intentions. It can also be seen in any which way depending on the person's perceptions of what happened.
It's not really intentions i believe is what defines "flirting."
There are many things that contribute to be flirting: body language, tone, mannerism.
You two may have been debating/arguing/w.e, but perhaps the way you two spoke to each other may have been perceived as flirting.
I think it depends on the two people's body language and whatnot as well. But then again, people can be hard to read. However, there's a saying there's a thin line between love and hate. Or maybe that's just from a movie I watched a long time ago,lol. Anyway, in some cultures "arguing" or being "mean" to another person is classified as flirting or liking that person. Yeah, it is called childish in American culture, but I wouldn't rule out the fact that it can be classified as flirting.
Personally, I think it's sexy if a crush of mine can hold a descent conversation, or arguement, with me about deep subjects(politics, philosophy, religion, etc.). Yeeeah buddy! Intelligence = Sex
@mashimaroboi@xanga - I agree with you. Also wanna add that nitpicking and teasing within an argument can also be taken as flirting. However, body language and unconscious things like a giggle here or there is probably the biggest indicator of flirting
i think the rub here is 'well concealed'
perspective....
I think it's possible that arguing can be seen as flirtatious. I think it's mostly in how you argue and what your body language is while arguing. I have a girl friend who loves to argue with guys, but ONLY guys. And she happens to find every guy attractive...so I do think she argues to flirt, haha. I could be wrong, but that's how I interpreted it.
The flirting she saw was subtle, and on top of the arguing. It wasn't that you were arguing, but your body language, facial expressions, etc.
Arguing can definitely be counted as flirting. think elementary school. when girls and guys liked each other they would fight or be mean to each other. arguing can be seen as a more mature version of that. its all in good fun and it is intellectually stimulating.
I'll have to agree with both CandyLashes and Flying Mia.
It reminds me of the scene in the movies where two people are fighting in a heated debate and all of a sudden, they start kissing porno style.
For me it does actually :P
arguing always = flirting with me...i can't seem to get along with the ppl i'm attracted to for some reason! the worse we argue the more attracted we are to e/o. backwards right?
@pamilvr@xanga - Great answer.....totally agree.
lol not always - thats usually an elementary thing
they are the same. the reason is that you wanted attention, and you got it, one way or another, whether arguing with him or flirting with him.
simple: if there are intentions and if you have a crush on the guy, YOU ARE FLIRTING.
yours truly,
there's a spider on my far living room wall
Arguing means you care about the other person's opinion... Well, I think what you two were doing could be better put as "debating," which shows that you both care about each other's opinion. And that could mean you respect each other and are willing to spend time telling each other what you think, so that's why sometimes arguing/debating is flirting. When someone I don't respect or like brings up an opinion that I disagree with, I might say a sentence about what I think, but if I really don't respect them, I'll just walk away. I like to argue with intelligent, informed people, and sometimes those people happen to be guys I like:) But I've never been good at flirting so I guess I'm not exactly a wealth of information.
@breakingthemold - lol you can explain most situations that way. It's been said that no one knows how we perceives things and we can only describe it through metaphors. I really like that little story about the elephant and 3 blind men. Hope those blind men didn't get their toes crushed lol.
Arguing can mean flirting for me, but I'm so close to my guy friends that sometimes they can't distinguish between regular arguing and arguing because i like them. so i guess i've only really flirted by arguing with two guys.
I think that it some relationships, arguing can in fact be flirting. It really depends. It's similar to the little kid who pulls the girl's hair that he likes. Everyone has their arguments, but you should just not let it escalate for the sake of your relationship. However, don't keep things inside if you really think they need to be discussed.
If the guy didn't know you existed or never payed attention to you it is possible you started (I'm assuming you started it) the argument to get his attention and since it was not a heated debate you let him know you have a brain ( I will also assume this is the type of female you have seen him talking to) and can carry on a conversation on his level so it can be construed as flirting if this is the case
It depends on the way you're arguing... I'm pretty sure you could have a serious argument without flirting, but yeaa, you could definitely argue in a way that's flirty. In general, though, if it's a flirty kind of argument, I think it'd have to be about something kind of silly, implying that your'e more interested in the person you're arguing with than the argument itself.
Yeaa.
To answer your question: flirting is what you think it is. To some people, flirting can mean arguing, or other ostensibly anti-social, neutral, or negative behaviour. To other people, such as yourself, flirting is demonstrated in a more oblique manner such as: a mysterious smile and/or gaze, a touch on the arm, etc. And to some people, like me, flirting is a bit of both :)
Flirting is partly about intention (i.e. you intend to flirt) and partly about how you feel towards them. So since you have a crush on him, maybe a little bit of your "flirty" side came out subconsciously in your actions towards him. Also, just because you may have expressed your attraction toward him in that way, doesn't mean that he doesn't take your argument seriously.
Anyhow, don't overthink it. Just know that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to flirting. And enjoy!