This is a guest blog submitted by sleepnhawaiinbeauty. We were high school sweethearts. We had been
together for four years until we started drifting apart.
It was hard 'cause we're also about three years apart in age, so while
we were both attending (different) colleges, we were also tackling different stages in
our life. He was ready to almost graduate soon and I was just getting the hang
of it. I noticed that the phone calls were becoming minimal, the time we spent
wasn't intimate anymore and the worst part? The times that we did spend
together he was busy on the phone, his mind was somewhere else or he'd be in
another room busy with something else. I knew that he was hanging out with
a girl from his school; he kept telling me that she was just a friend but using
my keen sense of women's intuition, I knew what her intentions were.
I decided
to surprise him at his apartment one night and planned to relive our first date
with him - I felt our relationship needed a spark. So I got to his
apartment and his roommate let me in; when I got to his bedroom, I saw them
together in a compromising position. I couldn't even believe my eyes - I don't
know if I was more shocked, hurt or embarrassed that he'd made such a fool of
me.
Ultimately, we called it quits, but they continued to date from that night
on. Since that time he's tried to talk with me and I've given him the chance to
talk things out, but I can't ever look at him the same.
It's been two years since
the incident, and about two weeks ago, I got an invitation in the mail inviting me to their
wedding. We do have a lot of friends in common, and they all tell me that the
bride should have been me because they all know what happened between us. Part
of me wants to go for support even though inside I'm more hurt and crushed then
ever...but on the other hand, I'll feel like a fool if I go since he is marrying
the girl he cheated on me with. Isn't this just one more chance for him to make
me look like a fool again?
I can't help but relive all the moments that we
planned our lives together. The matching cars we would've have, the 3 boys and
2 girls we wanted. The home we were prepared to make, the sacrifices I was
ready to make so we'd have a family…and knowing she's going to have all that
with him – I still can't help but feel robbed. I've been struggling with what I
should do.
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Comments (369)
Don't go. It will only upset you more.
And, you're still quite young. Why don't you just choose better next time?
*hugs*
go on jerry springer, dump him, go out with some else.
*hugs* fuck him, he is not worthy 2 have u there.
EWWWW! FUCK HIM... AND HER. DON'T GO. HE IS A LOSER TO INVITE YOU. WHAT TO RUB IT IN. EWWW. GROCE.
My ex and i were together for 5 years and now 2 years later he is engaged. I'm not going because it might make her upset since his mom calls her "Not Sam" which is a bit harsh. But i would say don't go, nothing could be gained and you'll want people that will be happy for you when do get married.
I forgot where, but a while back I was looking at some advice on a
problem similar to this. I would say you shouldn't go, based on how
crappy you still feel about him and his relationship w/ that girl.
Avoid the awkwardness, both yours and his. Not worth it at all.
Oh hell no! Don't go!
Move on. Find someone better to take up your future and just tell him flat out: "I'm not supporting you anymore, leave me out of it."
He walked over you before, now's your turn to stand up, and walk away. I hope you have better luck with your next boyfriend. The last one, did not deserve you.
I think you should just go and let the guy see what he had missed! Dressed up pretty and best is to bring a guy with you.
If you don't turn up, he will be glad with himself that you're the one actually hiding from him! Why should you be the one? Go there proudly and say it to his face that you were more happy to be freed from the relationship!
Maybe this can also be like a ending and you would learn to let go.
I say don't go. You don't seem emotionally up to it, and just going will really end up hurting you. It's best if you don't go and witness even more of it.
wow...sounds like the story of my life! a similar situation happened to me...where we were together for 5 years, and he ended up cheating on me with this girl and now he's engaged to be married to her.
i wouldn't even waste my time if i were you. just move on. there are more fish in the sea...
Actually in my opinion, if you feel that you guys can still be friends, then you should go. For me, i wouldn't want my ex to think that I'm still sour or petty about what happened. And I would bring a HOT date.
It kinda reminds me of an episode of FRIENDS where Rachel was invited to Ross and Emily's Wedding. At first, Rachel didn't want to go, but she went in the end to give her support. However, upon seeing Rachel, Ross said the wrong name at the altar and said "I take thee, Rachel".
sorry, I wouldn't go if I were you. i would rather move ...
I wouldn't go, why add to your own misery. But I would definitely tell him off in person for even daring to invite you. That's totally inconsiderate. If you have kept contact and been friendly for the last two years, maybe you should go, but if you haven't....forget it. go to a spa that day or something.
Don't go. If you do, you'll be giving him exactly what he wants: a free pass.
As I see it, this guy has been trying for some time to absolve himself of his guilt over what he did to you. And now that he's giving this other woman the life he had planned with you, he's probably feeling guiltier than ever. It may even be why he invited you to his wedding. He may think that if you can watch him marry another woman, then that means you're "cool" with everything, and forgiven him.
Find a way to forgive him in your OWN heart--that's the healthiest thing for YOU--but don't let him off the hook with his own guilt just because HE wants you to. Decline the invitation, perhaps include a note for him AND his fiancee explaining why you will not be attending, and then write them both off.
Once their wedding day has come and gone, accept that he's ever coming back, and move forward with your life. Clearly you are a person who knows a great deal about devotion, as well as right and wrong. Someone out there will appreciate that in you, and love you the way you deserve to be loved. Don't waste any more time on this guy. Find the right one, love, be loved, and be happy.
The bride is kind of stupid for even letting him invite you. She's
got to have some notion that you've got even a little bit of resentment
towards their relationship. He did cheat on you after all. If I were
the 'other girl' I'd hope to never see you again, because she should
feel ashamed of herself for being the homewrecker between you two.
Anyway,
I dunno about going. I know you'll feel like you're making a statement
if you show up, but that's also really stupid of the both of them. I
mean, like someone said, if you guys have been fairly friendly, maybe
bring a date. But really, if going there is just going to upset you,
don't do it. Supporting him isn't worth your unhappiness. So what if he
thinks you're still upset about it? Should you not be a little angry
with someone who cheated on you? Sure, you can be civil with him, but I
don't think he deserves to be surprised at all if you decide not to go.
Why would you want to go and make yourself miserable like that? You don't owe him, or her one damn thing. They were jerks. You have no obligation to go, and nothing to prove.
I would say no. All that you've gone through, it's gotta be painful to see that. Seeing him and her together may bring that up again and the feelings that come up are just that unbearable. Unless if the whole forgiveness phase has gone through.
I mean...the list was created, the wishes were made, and the vision that was dreamed. snuffed out. And it seems like you still haven't quite let go.
Don't torture yourself through that. It's not fair to you.
I wouldn't go, to be honest... I think it'd just hurt you more in the end.
wow, what a shitty situation.
If you were too go to the wedding, bring a guy friend? Bring a date, not to make him jealous, but to have a companion. And you get to dress up too!!
But if it's too hard on you, don't take the chance. If you know you're supportive, then that's all you need (=
Hope you know what you want and i hope you feel better! What a devastating entry =( but KEEP GOING =D
The fact that you were invited at all is IMO ridiculous.
Pretty much what everyone else has said, fuck that asshole why the fuck would he invite you to his wedding.
fuck them both. if you guys were actually on good, comfortable speaking terms, then go... but you're not. just because your friends are going to the wedding doesn't mean you should go, too.
why go for support? he doesn't need support because in his case, he got what he wanted. you can't look him in the eye anymore. i don't have to know any of you to understand how he makes you feel. if you don't feel okay being around him, then you're issues with him aren't resolved.
forget people who say, "let him see what he's missing." he's getting married. don't be as low as the girl who took him away from you, because you know how that feels.
going to that wedding doesn't make you a bigger person. it's not an opportunity to prove to the world that you're a good friend or that you are over him.
blow the wedding off. it's not worth it. take care of yourself first since they obviously don't care about you. seriously... you deserve better than that.
I think you should go.
Although you will feel misery but try to think this way. Let the wedding be a full stop of everything. It will be the ending of him in your heart and a brand new start for u.
Although it is easy for us to say but i know it is hard on you.
If can, find a companian to go with you. Show them that you are living fine without him. Show them that you can enjoy your life without him. The companian can give you moral support.