Miss ZebraYou walk into a room with your sweetheart's hand in yours, absolutely loving life. Suddenly you see the faces around you and the weight of your hands feels like a ten pound weight. You almost start to feel guilty for being with your SO as the disapproving glances make you want to curl up and sink through the floor. Normally people's opinions don't affect you... but this is his family.
For the most part, the families of the guys I've been with have disapproved of me. I'm either too liberal, too conservative, have too different of a lifestyle, come from too different of a background, etc...
Does it really matter? No, because what my boyfriend thinks of me is so much more important than what his family thinks. But it still adds tension and stress when we're with his family. And if the relationship continues into a long-term one, it'd be nice to feel somewhat accepted into the family. Plus it's hard knowing that his family is disappointed in him... just because he's with me.
Have you ever had your SO's family disapprove of you? Has your family ever disliked a sibling/family member's SO?
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Comments (50)
I've had pretty good experiences with a SO's family. Now MY family on the otherhand, they're a tough bunch. ESPECIALLY my younger sisters...if they don't like you, they'll let you know to your face.
My dad was disappointed with one of my girlfriends . . . because she was white I come from a Chinese family and they all married within the Chinese. That is until recently. I now have Jewish/Chinese cousin, which I like to call "Chews." Hahahah.
But, as of my former girlfriend, they approved. Because, well, she was Chinese. Hahahaha. But I don't let that get to me. Plus, her family liked me anyways, so it didn't matter.
i can relate to this.
My "gf's" older siblings never approved of me. Raised in a typical asian family, it was expected that the S.O would be in some field with great reputation. A doctor. A lawyer. An Accy. you get the picture.
After changing my major from biochem to advertising, it was like what i would be doing for the rest of my life was inappropriate and disrespected by her older siblings.
However, her younger sibling envied my logical and creative mind.
Tho, the SO did say that she loved me no matter what so it didn't matter?
I'll have one word, okay? :
ASIAN.
Yep, my family didnt like my ex SO (we were together for 10 yrs). They didn't like my brother's ex SO too (they dated for about 3 yrs). My ex ended up cheating, my brother's ex ended up getting knocked up by some other guy. Sometimes families see things that WE dont (at least not immediately). Not saying that you're a bad person, but at least in my personal experiences, it worked out for the better. My ex's family adored me though, they hugged me and cried with me when I found out about the other girl.
Some families are more closed minded than others. Just be yourself regardless of what others think/feel about you. It does get tough but give it some time and be patient and let them see the real you and accept you just the way you are. It's not going to be easy but I'm sure it's worth it. GOOD LUCK!
yes!!! xbf's sister hated me.
@laytexduckie@xanga - lol CHEW** omgg too funny
As for the question:
My ex his mom didnt like me, even though were all CHINESE* - cause she doesnt know me and stereotype me for being a bad girl for drinking/ smoking/ failing**
Lol but I'm none of that -- crazy assumptions eh
but after yelling at me for no reason, and getting to know me more
She suddenly goes: we should go out for dim sum sometimes and have a chat to get to know each other more
Funny how her mood changes so fast
From a parent's perspective, I think sometimes they want their child to be with someone who will preserve their values within the grandchildren. They are looking for someone like them for their children to be with.... I've never had a problem though, moms love me, and my family adores my current SO.
Most of my current boyfriend's family still doesn't like me almost 3 years later. His mom just started accepting me because she sees I'm not going anywhere. They simply don't like me because I'm American. They're from Liberia and my boyfriend is first generation American. They wanted him to date a Liberian girl or at least an African, but nope he chose good old American me! I figure I'll prove to them that not all Americans are bad people.
I don't think any of my exs family has disapproved me but I do know for sure I didn't like any of the girls my brother has gone out with. They're those kind of girls that are nasty.
My first long term bf's fam didn't shine to me too much b/c they thought we were too young and that I was a distraction (though I think it was mainly my ex's mom), but after the first year I think they pretty much accepted things... since then for my last relat and current, the families seem to like me a lot and compared to the first ex experience where we at times struggled b/c of his fam, it's definitely a huge bonus to be embraced by the fam. Just having all factors, including family and friends, accept and support the relat makes things a lot smoother.
My fam on the other hand, they're pretty liberal and the main thing is always whether i'm happy or not so they tend to support whoever makes me happy.
my mother's always been supportive as long as she's chinese. she says as long as she's a christian and chinese, she's cool...but something tells me that there's more to it. my dad's cool with whoever as long as she makes me happy.
My parents like my current ex boyfriend as a person, but not as my boyfriend.
My parents absolutely hated my boyfriend at first. Then I moved across the country to be with him, and told them they had to accept him as part of my life or i wouldn't be in theirs at all. In a made-for-tv breakdown talk, my mother admitted that she never actually hated him, she was just sad to see me "growing up". I'm glad that I stood my ground and showed my parents just how important this man was in my life.
His mom hates me because of my last name. There are bad things said about people with the name, and she just doesn't trust me. His dad's OK with my family, but doesn't like me because Im fat.
Personally, I dont care. I do my best to bite my tounge when with them.
my family hated one of my ex-bfs because they said he was disrespectful. Â when he was over he'd always be on the phone or texting on his sidekick when they would try to hold a conversation, which they saw as really disrespectful. also, he never came to pick me up at the door and would tell me to come out, instead, when he was picking me up. my mom rarely got to see him because he would do this, so she said that made a huge impression on her. Â she said all he has to do is ring the doorbell, say, "hello mrs. ____, i'm here to pick jen up and i'm taking her here." and perhaps chitchat so she could get to know him a little more. Â i can definitely see why she didn't like him, because it was very disrespectful to me and to my family.Â
My first boyfriend's mom was either jealous of me, or maybe she did just hate me. I was taking time from her son's life that she could have been spending with him (if she was EVER home!) and she didn't like that. She went to so far as to ignore telling her other son's girlfriend what day he got to call home from Iraq one day, just so she could have the 10 minute phone call all to herself.
And wouldn't you know, after the guy and I ended things, the brother and his girlfriend broke up too. She suddenly loved both of us after that...
But my advice is to just be yourself in front of your boy/girlfriend's family. They'll be happy eventually if their son or daughter is happy, I think.
I am currently dating someone I have dated in the past. We just got back together today and well most of his family didn't like me due to the fact I was black. Which I'm kinda not but still I mean it hurts to hear that from them I was referred to as 'the black girl' never by my name. I mean it hurts yes but you kinda are going to have deal with it until the family can.
i have disapproved of my sisters choice in boyfriends as did my dad, but i was never rude or anything but nice to them when we were in the same company. Just because I don't like them, doesn't mean she can't
I think everyone's family hates their children's bf/gf.
:[
My X-b/fs' famlies have never disapproved of me, because I've made sure I never met them :)
My bf's silbing(s) and maybe cousins dislike me. It use to get to me a lot, but it doesn't much anymore. I really tried my best, and currently am trying...but if they still want to be like that, I'd stop caring about the whole thing.
I was in an interracial relationship and my parents' disapproval was one of three main that caused our relationship to end. Sad....but such is life.
yes to the point where his mum yelled at me for little things.