This post was submitted by a Datingish reader.I was reading
AirForceVirgin's post listing some "dos and don'ts" for boys, and noticed a number of her recommendations had to do with PMS:
* As soon as you experience the agony of cramping seven days out of every month, dealing with emotional instability, and having to deal with the mess of tampons and the horror when you realize you've started at work and don't HAVE a tampon while wearing khaki pants and pray to God the toilet paper holds up... once you experience that, feel free to gripe about our PMS. Until then, STFU and get us some chocolate. Yes, it does help.
* On that same note, do not claim that we are PMSing every single time we are in a bad mood. Chances are good that you've pissed us off in some way and are the cause for this bad mood-- don't blame everything on mother nature.
A commenter added this:
* TheAngryQueerFeminist- If I AM PMSing and I AM upset, it doesn't mean you can just assume my feelings mean nothing. Saying, "Oh, you're JUST PMSing," is degrading and hurtful. It's the equivalent of saying, "Oh, your feelings don't matter right now because you're just going through your monthly insanity. I'm just going to ignore you." Emotions are exaggerated when you PMS - meaning we're probably pissed at you already. You're just more aware of that fact BECAUSE of PMS.
So basically, to summarize the state of affairs for men out there:
- If a mood swing is NOT related to PMS, mentioning PMS may be hazardous to your health.
- If something IS probably related to PMS, don't mention PMS because it's dismissive of your partner's feelings.
- Men couldn't possibly understand PMS, so don't even try.
- Basically, never ever mention PMS under any circumstances.
Does that sound very fair to you?
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Comments (88)
I generally tell my bf when I'm on that time of the month... but it won't hurt my feelings if he says i'm PMSing.
I generally don't feel a need to mention to a woman that her menstrual cycle may be interfering with her life, because I'm pretty sure she's going to be aware of it already. Maybe that's just me.
My first long term girlfriend PMSed like a mofo. I didn't find out until later on how bad it was. Instead of a week, she would PMS the week before AND after, leaving me only one week of peace.
After that, I've never mentioned PMS in front of a SO ever again. It is just known and accepted, and may she have mercy on my soul
I hate when they say that LOL
i'm pretty volatile without the aid of PMS, so i do my best to keep my cool during those ten days of chaos.
it's bitchy to say, but unfortunately i agree with the summarization... it's hard to understand unless you really experienced it.
Normally when my bf n i fight very bad, different from usual time, he will normally ask me do I have PMS. I have nothing against it, it's just that i prefer him to give way to me if possible as my mood swing can change drastically.
Usually guys will ask if you're on PMS cause we think you're overreacting
@SupperMick@xanga - and admitting to thinking that we're overreacting makes us feel better about a situation how? we probably hate you more for admitting that (we meaning the gf's of guys who think that way)
Fair? Most guys I know cringe at the idea of talking about periods and PMS. I don't see why they should talk about it if I can't talk about it and not get "the face." Pfft.
But if one of my guy friends asks me what's wrong or in some way incites me to talk about everything that sucks for me at the moment, I will tell them, whether they REALLY want to hear about my cramps and rampant emotions and anything else that could possibly be bothering me. My defense is "You asked. ^_^"
Frankly, I just cry more easily when it's my time of month (for example - watching someone on ER die will make me cry). I don't think there is much exaggeration that comes along with PMS...if you're generally a bitchy/mood swingy person, you'll be worse...if you're generally pretty neutral, you'll be pretty neutral.
I get pissed off when men assume they can tell me what I am feeling in any respect. I don't care if it relates to my bleeding, popping out a baby or whether or not I really am stressed out over a big project.
Men shouldn't assume that we're just PMSing and women shouldn't use it as an excuse. We bleed. It's a pain in the ass. Sometimes it makes us tired and cranky. Move on. It's not going to change.
i'm nicer when i'm pmsing.
Hey hey not every man thinks like that. Personally, I'd do whatever I can to help my lady friends when they're going through different problems. Frankly, I don't think I really mention PMS with my SO or any lady friends who might be having any problems.
At least it's consistent. Don't mention PMS. I don't even get PMS, so if I happen to have a bad day and someone says, "so, is it that time of month?" that's just really annoying. I'm allowed to have feelings without people blaming hormones.
I don't care if my boyfriend says I'm PMSing or whatever.. And that's really stupid if you do care.
And scientific studies show that most PMS is a mind thing.. Women make it seem worse than it really is.
@immaairheadxl@xanga - I cry easier too lol
I am usually the one to say that I am PMSing lol
No, it's not fair... but... not many things are.
I personally have no qualms when people ask me if I'm PMSing. I actually go through this weird thing a week before it every month where I just go insane. I think everyone hates me and I CRY ALL THE TIME. Plus I gain like ten pounds of water weight.
It's annoying as shit.
But yeah.
Period = teh suckage.
I disagree with the second bullet of that list summary. And I think theangryqueerfeminist is overreacting - and by overreacting, is reaffirming the female's tendency to exaggerate every single thing when we're PMSing. If I'm PMSing and I hear a guyfriend say "you're JUST pmsing", chances are he's stating the obvious in a observant and nondegrading way and I'm the one reading too much into his vocal inflection to think that he's trying to put me down. if a statement like that is hurtful, you probably need to realize that your hormones are in overload and you're probably taking yourself too seriously when you're acting out emotionally. learn to laugh at your PMS-ey self and PMS in general and you'll find that men aren't trying to put you down - sometimes, they're actually trying to figure out why you're an emotional wreck for a third of the year and they'll also know not to take your PMS-induced rants seriously.
but I do agree that guys shouldn't slap "PMS" on every situation. PMS shouldn't be turned into an excuse to neglect ladies!
I'd rather my boyfriend not say I'm PMSing unless he knows the schedule for my PMS.. Luckily for me, he doesn't use that as an excuse. I do try to give him a heads up during that week when I'm less moody/emotional.
dude, it's not that complicated.
if a girl overreacts... you say sorry, ask what's wrong. if they explain and it seems like a stupid reason, apologize for the stupid reason and ask if anything else is bothering... at which point they will probably mention 'i'm probably overreacting, i'm sorry, it's that time of month.' in which case you appreciate the honesty, say it's okay, and try to be nice for the next week or so.
usually a girl can spot when she's being particularly bitchy... i can always tell when i'm pmsing, and even though i feel like shit and there's nothing i can do about how much the stupidest things make me cry, i can recognize it and tell someone if i'm overreacting and apologize... and hope they try to be a little understanding.
pmsing is not like turning into a monster, you do realize it's happening, it's just hard to deal with.
i do agree that it's irritating when a guy blames every bitchy mood on pms, though... cause that's not always the cause. i could be a bitch because of something you actually did, so own up to your mistake... blah!
@psycho_ash@xanga - ughh i totally hear you on the crying all the time thing. :(
would you happen to have any tips on coping? :x
Physical pain, that I understand, but I'm apathetic towards the mood swings. If you work in an office environment, and half the employees are women, you would think it would be a total bitch fest at the end of the month, but it's not.
I have mood swing a week b4 PMSing hahaha! agree with SupperMick! sometimes I do overreact during PMS! ~ LOL
no guy can complain at all about period related crankiness to me unless they want me to threaten make their genitalia bleed so they having complaining rights. that's the rule i tell my boyfriend and two male house mates...if you're not bleeding, don't you dare complain about me being a little extra bitchy 'cuz I am bleeding!!! LOL
Xo
Haha! Fair enough. If a man can gut a deer he should be able to not be a pansy ass about bleeding once a month. That is punishment in itself.