Miss Penguin A friend of mine is going to propose to his girlfriend soon and we were talking about the whole concept of engagement rings. If you don't know, the concept of the diamond engagement ring was actually a genius marketing plan created by the DeBeers company - the whole "a diamond is forever" slogan, which came out in 1947, vastly popularized the diamond engagement ring, which before that was not as traditional. Now the diamond engagement ring is a standard symbol of the everlasting love of a couple, at least in the Western world (and also how much money the man is willing to spend on the woman... *gags*).
Not to un-romanticize it, but diamonds are actually quite common. The DeBeers company just controls the output (and therefore the price) of diamonds. There is also a lot of corruption and violence in the diamond industry (check out the movie
Blood Diamond).
So my friend was saying that maybe instead of a diamond ring, he would buy his fiancé a trip to Australia or something, and I thought that was a really great idea. I am all about spending money on experiences rather than on
stuff (or if you're going to spend it on stuff, put that money toward the down payment on a home). But apparently his fiancé thinks it's important she have the ring. It's a symbol and without she wouldn't feel like her engagement was official.
DeBeers has done a good job of brainwashing us, because after I started thinking about it, I realized I wouldn't want to field questions like, "where's your diamond ring?" if I said I was engaged and didn't have one. It's like people would assume that my fiancé didn't love me enough to spend that kind of money on me or that he was impoverished if he didn't buy me a diamond ring. How sad is that? And how genius of DeBeers to make us feel that we are only loved if we are bought diamonds?
Maybe just a gold band or some other gem stone would work as a ring. I
do buy into societal norms enough to believe that I should have a ring,
I guess; I would feel like I was trying to pretend I wasn't married if
I wasn't wearing a ring.
The more I learn, though, the more I don't think I want one unless these manufactured diamonds become more common. Why should I need expensive jewelry to feel loved? And I don't want to look at the ring on my finger and think that people may have died for it. And like I said, I'd much rather have a trip to Australia or somewhere else.
How would you react if your fiancé didn't get you a ring when he asked you to marry him?
If you could revamp today's engagement norms, what would you use to replace the traditional diamond ring?
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Comments (335)
I agree with you. Although I have accepted it as the standard way of announcing an engagement, I sure hope that a girl wouldn't want a diamond ring. I think a band would be just fine. But that's just me. I'm not into all things material. Maybe I might be alone forever. =(
Hahahaha.
My wife was pretty insistent that I buy her a diamond engagement ring, but she kept talking me down on the amount, and we settled on a quarter karat channel setting.
More importantly, I made sure to buy it from a local, independent jeweler, instead of Kay's or what-have-you at the mall. This is important, first, because a good jeweler will set the gems individually, and by hand, whereas the mass production stores set them all at once using some silly machine. Likewise, a real jeweler will help you with personalizing your ring and finding one just right for you. It's also nice that when you buy a ring, the maker of the ring is paid for it, instead of paying someone's minimum wage+percentage, and some factory worker's $10/hr.
Last point, don't buy at Wal-Mart. Not only is the quality vastly inferior, but they refuse to release information on where their (Low Low Prices!) diamonds are purchased from, which is essentially admitting that they deal in conflict diamonds.
-ND
I don't want a diamond ring! I'm questioning if I want one at all (though marriage is quite far off for me, being 17 and all). I don't like diamonds, I would want a small aquamarine ring if I even got one. (I don't know the prices compared to diamonds, though..)
Maybe I should propose to my boyfriend with a ring... hahaha! A manly ring?
Well, I kind of like the ring idea, because I don't like jewelry, but I'm excited to wear a ring. Because it'll be something beautiful that I normally would never wear! But I want my fiance/husband to wear one, too! so maybe matching engagement rings, but that would be very expensive.
If he dont give me a diamond ring for engagement... then hes OUT... cmon how about a ring that LOOKS like a diamond
Cause diamond ring = engagement its been a tradition for all these years -- I guess im not used to it if theres no engagement ring
Kinda like Christmas with no wrapped up presents
Lol oh boy... that makes me sound really materialistic...
I never understood really any of our traditions surrounding engagement and marriage. The only one that ever even remotely made sense to me was the white wedding dress but that doesn't even mean anything anymore. So really, I guess I can claim that I don't understand any of our traditions and no one seems to be able to explain any of them to me.
I have always been a big believer in saving money and spending it wisely. I never considered flashy, show-off pieces to be consistent with those principles. Thus even if I did the whole ring thing, I'd try to get away with a plastic one or something else that was cheap.
But I also have long thought it would be funny to get engaged but never announce but instead just wait until you talk to people and then casually mention that you got engaged.
Yeah, I know I'll never get married with beliefs like that.
Any ring would do. I wouldn't mind the ones you get for 25 cents!...Okay maybe a little bit.
Any kindof band, any kindof gem. It maybe be the physical way of saying "Yeah, I'm getting married, hands off."
But I know that who ever I am with and will marry, he loves me and that is what counts.
Nah. I expect a diamond ring. I wear all sorts of other rings and none of them get the kind of attention to commitment that a diamond ring does.
And I love devious marketing. :)
To be honest, because I have been brainwashed, I would be upset if there was no ring. I haven been wondering though, about different gems or just a wedding band. I don't know, still too young to give it that much thought.
I was just thinking about this the other day. For all of your reasons and personal preferance, I don't want a diamond engagement ring.
I'd like to get married in tanzanite, I think. (: Or maybe a claddagh? I wouldn't mind explaining when people asked, I don't think, because I've always been shy but I've also always been an open (and boring :)) book.
the marketing of diamonds was also used because it being the strongest mineral tied in with the whole circle-lasting-forever idea. most women loved the symbolism. there is no way of knowing if the diamond is a conflict diamond. most countries that deal with blood diamonds can't exactly be trusted to be 100% honest about them.
yes, however, i do want a diamond ring. but only if i could be 100% sure that it wasn't a blood diamond. the only way to do that is by getting a 'fake'. these fakes aren't really fakes though, there's a company in switzerland or sweden or somewhere that makes diamonds. they go through the exact same chemical process as the ones that are mined from the ground, just in about 3 days instead of years. most people don't consider these to be real diamonds, but i disagree. they are the best way to be sure you aren't getting a blood diamond, without feeling cheap with a cz.
I think it's more thoughtful to buy her a ring with her birth stone instead of a diamond. Diamonds are so generic and don't require much thought. I think I'd be more flattered with my birth stone (the old one; the new birth stones suck and mine is pink--ew) or an opal, since it's apparently the "witch's stone."
I could care less either way. Well okay I take that, I would probably be a little upset if I didn't end up getting a ring from my husband. But I wouldn't have minded going and picking something out together -- maybe not something that said "Hey look at me, I'm married!" Haha. Go and pick something out together -- the one he picks out may be much more flashy than they one you pick out or vice versa. I know I would still want some kind of ring, maybe not an "engagement" ring 'cause mine is considered that -- I have met quite a few other people who are engaged/married with the EXACT same ring as mine. Hah. When I had our son, I didn't wear my ring, and ended up buying just a band to wear while I cared for our son so I didn't scratch him up. I felt so bad that my husband had spent so much money on this ring and I never wore it. I'm not a jewelry person, at all. This ring is the ONLY thing I wear, unless I am trying to "dress-up." I would definitely have loved to see that money go for something else -- I don't know what, but maybe a pre-honeymoon wouldn't have been such a bad idea. We never got a honeymoon 'cause he was in the military and he ended up taking a lot of leave when he got back from being overseas and then we got married and I moved up to his Camp with him and we have yet to see a honeymoon, three & a half years into our marriage. Maybe that could be a good five-year anniversary present to ourselves. ;) Haha.
I like the view of this blog though. Definitely makes you think.
I am the same. A diamond ring doesn't mean a thing to me...even a ring with just a semi precious stone ring is all I need and want. I would much rather put down the money towards a home then on a ring.
I'd probably be a little hurt that he didn't get a ring. I mean, despite the fact that it was made up by some company, it's still been in our culture for years. it's tradition. it doesnt even have to be diamond for me, though. sure, that would be nice. but i'd take any ring in general. i'm serious. of course, not something you just go pick out of a vending machine, but you get the point.
i don't even know what i'd replace rings with, if i had to.
Interesting topic.
I'd have to say, because it's become such the norm, I'd probably be surprised if my boyfriend proposed without a ring. I already know I'm brainwashed, but I kinda see it as gentlemanly and romantic.
I wouldn't, however, expect a 1 karat diamond. I'd be absolutely fine with a plain silver band. It would still represent a token of his love and a way to show his commitment, not to mention announcing to the world that I'm officially off the market. ;)
I'd prefer a diamond ring 'cause yea, it's "tradition" & also 'cause it would stand out & make it clear that I'm taken. However, I'd be fine if they were sapphires.. that's my birthstone! :) [& blue is my favorite color. :)]
Marriage is still a long ways off though so my opinion could change.. although I've been compiling a list of possible choices for my engagement ring. :P
I dont need an engagement ring. I also dont like diamond.
I dont like my bf to spend so much $ on a diamond ring just to show how much he loves me.
Love cannot be measure by the size of a diamond or by $$.
I rather he save the $$ to bring me around the world.
Whatever stone fits the woman's personality.
I, personally, do not want a diamond. I would like an emerald, or perhaps a ruby.
But I am also very non traditional. I don't want to wear a white dress at my wedding, even if by some twist of fate I am a virgin bride. And I hope to have a hand binding ceremony in the middle of a beautiful forest with only a few close friends and family to watch. None of this overly decorated church wedding stuff for me. :P
the engangement ring is a prerequisite to the actual wedding band. To agree to marry somebody and then to have the actual tangible evidence of somebody's everlasting love for you is two different things. It's the symbolism that the ring represents, not the materialistic value of it.
"Why should I need expensive jewelry to feel loved?"
that is a very good point. i'm nowhere near engagement or whatever, but my bf has been nagging me about letting him buy me things... i just told him flat out: i don't need material things to know you care.
i don't think the engagement ring needs to be so illustrious... maybe just a nice subtle band that's pretty or has sentimental value in some way... maybe an engraving on the inside? something like that. it's just because there will be yet another band, the MARRIAGE band that you will get on top of that. personally, i'm not much of a ring person because i'm afraid of losing them, so if i ever have a ring, i just wear it around my neck. if i got married, it might be different...
but you're totally right about there being no use to go all out on a little ring...
Honestly, it all depends on the guys economic status. If he makes like a million dollars a year, yeah, I'm going to be a little upset. However, if it's hard times, then it's ok, I know I'm going to get it eventually.
If I had the chance to revamp the engagement ring, I think it would be something from that person's culture.
It all depends on the girl's preferences. If she's the type of girl who do not mind not to have diamond ring for proposal except for sincerity, then the guy can choose things that the girl prefer. On the other hand, if the girl likes diamond, perhaps its best to propose using a diamond ring.
When I eventually propose (contingent upon me finding a girlfriend and realizing she's "the one"), I will get her whatever form of ring she feels is appropriate.
If it were up to me, if she had green eyes - an emerald; blue eyes - a sapphire; hazel - definitely a diamond.
But I'm probably too romantic like that. It's up to her. If we've decided we're in this together forever, I'll get her the moon (if it were available - and that star-naming thing is just tacky).
Personally I'm not a fan of diamonds. My mother and I are both ones with April birthdays and I grew up watching her demand for diamonds since they're the birthstone of April. I never understood why there was such a big deal over a diamond versus say a cubic zirconium. I liked the cubic zirconium better because then if I lost it, it wasn't as big of a deal. To tell you the truth my jewelry usually comes from walmart, cuz it looks pretty and who but me knows whether its real or not. My boyfriend has hinted that he is getting to the point of asking in the future and I have made it very clear that if it costs more then like $100 or $200 its to expensive for me. Really I'd like it to be under $100, but he says he'd like it to be good quality so it'll last. Really though I don't see anything wrong with a inexpensive cubic zirconium, or I've even been thinking about like a man made sapphire and cubic zirconium ring. No diamonds though. Like others said before me, I'd rather have him take the money he'd spend and put it towards our future instead.
I love diamonds... and i genuinely do. BUT i love my boyfriend more and if he were to ask me to marry him with anything less than a diamond I would be happy...
HOWEVER,
MY father would not be happy...at.all. Conservative traditional Asian families use the engagement ring to judge whether a man has the means to support their daughter. My dad has already announced he will not be giving me away if my fiance gave me anything less than a one carat ring.
I personally would want my boyfriend to not spend that kind of money on a ring especially since we're young and probably won't have the means to spend that much.... We need a house more! give me a gourmet kitchen instead of a ring and I'll love you.
SO i suggest, a stability rather than a ring. You know, a down payment on a home instead. =) Then ring later.