Wednesday, 29 October 2008

• Women Love Jerks

  This is a guest blog submitted by supanamu.

  I know a lot of women. I'm a player, remember? I even have the t-shirt to prove it.
  
  
  
  Ok, so I'm not a player; I just play one on TV...but I do know a lot of women. LOTS (and yes, I would love a cookie). But of the women I do know, one is dating a man who is cheating on her with two different girls. One is dating a dude who beats her at least once or twice a month. One is in a loveless relationship, but she won't leave because the sex is bomb. One is with a guy who talks so horribly to her that she's actually begun to believe she's the stupid b***h he calls her every night. Another friend is dating a guy who is just a plain old a**hole. You know what all these guys have in common? They're hot. Hard body, make-a-straight-guy-wanna-turn-gay kind of hot. Sixteen pack abs, perfect hair, surfer, skater, MMA fighter type guys.
  

  
  

  
  But, they're jerks. Straight up, there's something wrong with them - whether it's a bad attitude, a penchant for drunkenness, a penis that won't stay in its pants or any number of equally shitty reasons - these guys are bad relationship material. So why do these women stay with them? Could it really be just because the guys are hot? Or is it co-dependency, a fear of being alone or slight retardation? Could be those things...could be millions of things, but before we get into those, let's address the two male types we'll be discussing:
  
  The Good Guy (aka you)
  
  
  
  The Bad Boy (aka anyone in shape with even half an ounce of game)
  
  
  
  I'm sure you've thought to yourself many times in your life, "I'm a nice guy! Why don't I get those hot women?" Well, the long and the short of it is that you're not hot, and that's why you don't get the hot women. Or you don't have lots of money. Or you're not insanely funny or a tough guy who can defend her or hung like a horse and better in bed than anyone she knows or, in fact, any combination of the above. There are many ways to attract a beautiful, smart, sexy woman, but being the nice guy won't get you anywhere and here's why:
  
  1) Nice guys tend to have low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is a huge turn off for women. You don't suck, but if you act like you might, she'll definitely pick up on that. And then BAM! No vagina for you.
  
  
  2) Nice guys tend to substitute overly-used compliments and too many gifts for genuine charm and charisma. You know you've done it – you can't stop saying how nice she looks or how pretty her hair is or agreeing with everything she says. You've bought her a necklace and she's not even your girlfriend or you've brought $60 roses to her on a third lunch date. As if you didn't already give her enough roses the first two dates. Very nice, but if all you've got to bring to the table are compliments and gifts, then you're in trouble, because after two years, you’ll run out of compliments. Then what, smart guy? Buy her some more roses?
  
  3) Nice guys tend to smother the object of their affection. You're so worried you'll lose her that you don't give her the normal space that everyone needs. You call too much, you talk for too long. You think just because she hasn't called you in two days, she's already humping another dude. Truth is, she probably is.
  
  4) Nice guys tend to ignore body language and hints that a woman isn't feeling their approach. They labor under a false belief that because their intentions are completely wholesome, anything they say or do will be golden. But no matter how nice you're being to her, if you ignore her signs, then she'll find things wrong with you. Like, “God, you just never stop talking, do you?”
  
  5) Nice guys tend to be boring. If you aren't interesting or exciting or dangerous, what's to like? A man who isn't any of these things to a woman is more like a brother or father figure, and that is the kiss of death in a relationship. She’s got plenty of nice guy friends, you need to be the spark in her life, not the dependable standby.

  Be confident, interesting, charismatic, a little dangerous and give her some space and you'll be much more likely to keep her in the long run. "How the hell do I do all that?!", you ask? That's completely up to you, buddy. What, do you want me to chew your food for you too?

  So. We've talked about the nice guy. Now let's chop it up about the bad boy. The Marky Mark, if you will. The perennial "thorn in the side" of nice guys everywhere. The Jude Law, pre-hair loss days.

  
  

  Women are attracted to good looking men. Just like men are attracted to hot women. That's a given. What's not so understood is why those women will stay with a hot guy once they find out he's bad news. Here are some things about bad boys that chap my hide:

  1) Bad boys tend to be way better looking than the rest of us. It's sad, but true - a strong jaw line, piercing eyes, just the right amount of facial hair - everything comes together for the bad boy. Women will throw themselves at the guys who look like they belong on GQ covers. But why do you think they end up being bad boys in the first place? They get what they want from early on. Because of their good looks, women give them a lot of attention and this leads them to adopt a "me first" attitude from the beginning.

  2) Bad boys don't have to be smart. They can be complete idiots and women will still go out with them. They can drop out of school, drink beer all day and make fun of nerds and girls will giggle and give them their Sidekick number and MSN account.

  3) Bad boys sometimes graduate from tough talking dumbasses to real criminals - especially the stupid ones. Many girls who think they're falling for just a run-of-the-mill bad boy end up with a real criminal type. And do you know how hard it is to break up with a guy who shoots people for fun?

  4) Bad boys are, by nature, much more interesting than the average guy. Just the thought of a guy being "trouble" is enough to get panties wet. Dating a bad boy is also a way for a girl to be bad without actually doing anything wrong herself – and she can get back at her parents that way, too!

  5) Bad boys are fodder for female conversations that can last late into the night. Girlfriends will bemoan their situations, or lament the fact that they can't find a "good guy" and in the same breath they will give their bad boy props for being "so deliciously bad".

  
  

  What gives, ladies? Why can't you like the average guys who may not look like a cover model or pro surfer, but who open the door for you, never make you feel like shit and always consider your feelings? Well, we know why…because nice guys are boring and boring is no fun. But as long as we're all being honest with each other, why don’t we keep it real, son?

  If you aren't willing to stick with the boring guy who treats you right, but you are willing to deal with all the bullshit the bad boy gives you, just so you can fuck a "hot guy", then you need to stop crying on our shoulders when said bad boy fucks you over, sleeps with your girlfriend or slaps you around because you want to actually have a job instead of staying at home and cleaning his house.

  
  

  If you do genuinely want to get away from the bad boy, here are some ways to make that happen:

  1) Every time he makes a corny joke that belittles someone or hurts their feelings, don't laugh. When you laugh, he thinks he's being funny. He doesn't realize what an immense asshole he is, and that's your fault. You don't like him being a dick? Don't let him be one.

  2) If he threatens some little dude who clearly couldn't kick your bad boy's ass even if the little dood had a whole nerd posse with him, slap your bad boy's arm and call him a bully. If he keeps it up, threaten to withhold the pussy. If that doesn't work, call the police and tell them he was beating up a kid.

  3) If your bad boy stays out all hours drinking with his homies, change the locks on your door and leave his stuff on the porch. No half-stepping here, ladies. Keep it real.
  

  4) Are you suspicious that your bad boy is cheating on you? Ask him if you can look through his phone – if he gets all pissy and whines about how you don't trust him, then he's cheating. If he says sure, then he's a nice guy and he's been fooling you all this time. What a dick, dump him!
  

  5) Do you already know your bad boy cheated on you? What the hell are you doing? Leave him...NOW. You stay with him, it's your own damn fault when he does it again.

    

  So what gives, ladies? We're now to the part where we discuss you guys. Oh, you thought this was just about the nice guys? That's a big negatory, good buddy!

  So, why do you stay with a man who doesn't treat you like you want to be treated? And we're ignoring the women who do want to be treated like shit, so those of you who fall into this category can go back to putting on your cover up to hide the bruises and let the rest of us talk about the importance of getting out of bad relationships.

  1) You stay because you're afraid of being alone. I understand that. Our society raises women to feel like they're less than human if they can’t get a man. Women are taught from early on that men are desirable as partners and that if you can't get one, there's something wrong with you. That's bullshit, but it's some heavy brainwashing going on as women grow up – from the familial values they see around them to the magazine articles about finding the perfect man, to the television shows and movies that center around dating, relationships and the male/female dynamic in general. Truth is, you can live single your whole life and you'll be fine, if that's what works for you. Don't believe the hype. Or, you can find yourself a nice woman to settle down with…just make sure you move to a state that’ll let you get married and save on your taxes. ;)

  2) So maybe you stay because he's scared you into believing he'll kill you if you leave. Maybe he WOULD try to kill you if you left. What a dick! That is some scary shit to deal with, but that is no way to live - in constant fear, worry and despair. But here's what many of you don't realize – there are literally millions of people in America who will help you get out of that situation. Organizations and groups and even normal people like me. I once put my own life in danger to help move a woman I'd only known for one day, because I found out she was in a relationship with a psychopath who threatened her and her children on the daily. My friend Tyrone and I both wore her down until she let us help her move all her belongings into a shelter. She's much better off now, and although I'm sure it was scary for some time after she left, now she's successful, happy and raising her kids on her own. But help is out there…hell, ask me if you need help.

  3) Is it possible you stay because someone (your parents, girlfriend, church, etc) would look down on you if you left him? Maybe your parents are hardcore traditional Filipino Catholics who believe that you should stay and work it out no matter how bad it is? I have to ask you lady, whose life is it you're living? Seriously? Is it their life, or yours? You're a grownup. Tell them to piss off or be polite and let them know how you feel or don't say anything to them at all – but get on with living your life. Grownups answer to themselves first and to their parents, friends, church or boss second.

  In conclusion:
  

  Ladies, whatever your lame or serious reasons for staying with a dickhead, remember that at the end of the day, it's not his fault you're with him; it's yours. You're an adult, a human imbued with millions of years of evolution designed to help you make your own choices. If you choose, against all intelligent advice, to stay with a guy who treats you like shit, then the only one you can blame is you.
  

  Nice guys, whatever your lame or serious reasons for having no game are, remember that at the end of the day, the only one you can blame for not getting the attractive girl to hump you is you. I can lead a camel to water, but I can’t force it to drink…and in this case, the water is this blog and the camel is you. And let's be real: if you look like a camel, all the blogs in the world won't help you - unless you're Jay-Z, in which case, you're a millionaire who is banging Beyonce and this blog is absolutely useless to you.

  PS - This blog works perfectly well for lesbians and gay dudes both. Enjoy.
  

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