Wednesday, 29 October 2008
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How Long Do Guys Need to Recover from A Breakup?
This is a guest blog submitted by Katie.So this guy, who just so happens to be my best friend, told me he liked me IN JUNE. I've liked him for over a year. I told him I loved him a couple months ago and he said it back, he treats me like his own.
However, he had a girlfriend at the time. They were together 3 years and just recently broke up. He told me he needs time, which I COMPLETELY understand. I don't want him to rush into anything at all. The thing is, I don't know how long he needs... and he hasn't exactly hinted anything either.So guys, how long do you need after a breakup? Or should I just wait it out and not even think about it?
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Comments (85)
You won't like this. My best friend broke up with what he thought at the time was "The One." He was a train wreck for about a year and a half. He had 2 relationships in that time that failed, even though things were going well, seems "The One" kept cropping up from time to time. It all depends on how much it screwed up his thinking.
Well, this question is too generic. Just as asking "how much could you like a person?". Even a single person could answer in different ways depending the persons he/she loved.
I can so speak for myself.
Sometimes it took some days. But meant that she wasn't important to me as I thought.
Sometimes it took some weeks. And it was "hard".
Sometimes takes long time.
In some way I'm still recovering after 7 months.
Anyway, about your story. I think that "pushing" him could obtain the opposite effect. So maybe staying "around" and not "on" him could help things getting better for you.
truth is...it'll depend on the guy and how much he really got attached to the girl.My ex and I dated for 2years and half and have been broken up for about 7months now. He still isn't over it so his friends say...and they're not really helping him by choking at him to meet other people either. Anyways, the point is...If you keep getting at the question of "How long do I have to wait?" he'll feel pressured and things are just going to go down hill REAL FAST. Give him time and space and hear him out. Be the weight-lifter. I'm sure he doesn't need you to breathe down his throat at the moment. Time is the only healer at this time so if you really care for this dude..stand beside him..support him..comfort him...and give him space..until he's ready to let you in..=) Good Luck.
Good question! So many guys I've encountered seem to get over breakups rather quickly. They move immediately onto the next relationship, leaving their ex-girlfriends whom they "loved" devastated and feeling cheapened. I don't know if this sort of "rebounding" is more typical of men than of women. I just know that I (a woman) have to take the time to mourn the end of the relationship before even feeling remotely ready to open my heart to somebody else.
Wait it out.
He knows how you feel, so if he doesn't make the move, then he doesn't want to. He may just be comfortable having you as someone who cares about him who is available. The pressure of make it official or she will leave me might not result in the healthy fulfilling relationship you are looking for.
But if you wait it out and he does make the move, then you know it was truly purposed and he really wants to explore a relationship with you. Despite popular belief, men are much more purposed than we tend to give them credit for. They make moves when they really want to.
It all depends my fiance broke up with me after about 5 months of engagement... I was a total wreck from time to time... and i've been back and forth where one week I think I want a relationship then the next I'm not.
every person is different It took me a year
As has been said seven times already, each person is different. Your best bet IS to not think about it, and just to wait. As shitty as that sounds, what's the point in getting in to a relationship with someone who's not ready to be there? It'll just end in YOUR heart being broken, too.
it really depends on how serious their relationship was, how he felt towards the end, the reason for breaking up, etc etc. there are so many factors in this that each answer is different for each person.
i broke up with my last bf after a year, and it took me about two to get over him. he, on the other hand, was supposedly over me really fast. how fast, i don't know, but i'm sure it was less than two years.
hang in there. you definitely don't want him going to you as a rebound.
Each person is different. Took my ex a week before he started dating his best friend. Made me bitter.
it took me 3 years to get over this girl. but give em time..
Yea, it depends on the guy and how much they valued their past relationship. My last ex probably got over me already... we were together on/off for 10 yrs and we've been broken up for close to 8 months now.
However, I have two other ex's that I dated before this past ex (for a few months) and they're still not over me. In fact, I'm still close to one of them and he wants us to get married, etc.
So yea, there's no timeline or deadline for the road to recovery. But often times, people just move on with their lives.
everyone is different. anyone ever read Persuasion? some never get over it. (but that story ends happy :\ )
i think guys are more likely to rebound on someone than girls though. boys am i right?
I was in a nine year relationship, took me three years to get over her.
I tried dating when I wasn't ready and that didn't go too well. Give
him some time, but linger around every now and then, so he knows you're there. Good luck.
Everyone is different.
Plus don't underestimate the power of persuasion....
that's like asking which is the best car in the world. it really depends on the relationship they had before, how it was broken up, and also the personality of the guy. each person is unique in that sense and there's really no set equation on calculating "rebound time". i've heard that it takes half the time that they were together to get over a relationship, but i hope it's not true.
It all depends on the guy. :\ Everyone gets over situations differently.
I'd say give it time. When he's ready, he'll approach you. :)
Best of luck!!!
Want a hint? Guys never really do get over past GF's (even if they say they do). If something (perfume, movie, etc..) reminds them of whats-her-name, they're mentally back there, if only for a moment. If YOU'RE ready and can deal with the hint, go for it now...
It depends on the relationship I think. Some people are ready to move on the minute they break up...especially if they were the ones doing the "breaking". For example, my ex and I were together two years. I found out the day after we broke up that was was already after one of his friends (seems fishy to me). Now, we've been broken up for five months and I'm sure as hell not ready for another relationship. He on the other hand was dating again within days. It depends on the person and the situation. Give it time.
Good grief, what?
He's the only one who has any ability to figure that out, and even he isn't able to tell you . . .
Honestly, sit back and be his friend, because that's what he needs right now. Who cares about how much time he needs? When he's ready, he'll probably let you know.
@MBGolfer216@xanga - I sadly have to agree. I STILL think of my ex from time to time, even though I am currently opening up my heart to someone else, some situations remind me for a moment of my ex...she broke up with me about 4 months ago, and it took me 2 months to really get over her, although I still am reminded of her, it's only because she was my first love. There will always be a place for her. We still talk.
But it really depends on the guy and how long their past relationship lasts. Even if you'd like to believe that the guy can tell you how long it will take, he really can't, until it just happens. So I suggest just being there for him through the good and bad (mostly bad, I'm assuming) until he's ready to open himself up to you.
My girl broke up with me after 3 years.. and im still not over here and its been like 5 months.. There is no set amount of time but just be careful not to be his rebound. if dude was in love with her then theres no way hes over her after a short perioid of time, no matter what he says.
took me almost 4 months.
but i started 4 months before we even broke up.