This is a guest blog submitted by LetMeDreamAgain. Dear Boy,
Has it really been years since the last time we've seen each other? Was I really that young and naive that I didn't imagine you would grow up to be quite a catch? We all grew up and moved away from each other and before I knew it,
there you were, everything I've always told myself that I wanted in a
man. I had no idea that we would turn out this way. Here I am in a relationship with a wonderful man.
He's been good to me and I honestly sometimes feel that I don't deserve him. But thoughts of you have plagued my mind since the moment I saw you again, and all of a sudden I have mixed feelings inside. I find myself pulling away from the one person who's given me stability in this often crazy, turbulent life. How can I develop a crush on you
now, when I've finally settled down with someone I can depend on?
How dare you walk into my life and make a mess of things. Just when I thought life couldn't get any better, you walk in and my whole world is suddenly one big QUESTION MARK. All my life, I've wanted to find someone I can depend on, someone I can trust, someone who won't let me down and someone who will do everything in his power never to see me cry. Should that not warrant him to be my so-called Prince Charming? But here I am, wasting away emotions towards an unrequited crush. We lost touch and then you walked back in my life and you disappeared, and now here you are again. In and out, in and out; my head is spinning. An unrequited crush...it sounds almost silly and whimsical. I must admit, I have quite a flirtatious nature. I love to banter and flirt. It does not necessarily mean "I want you" - it's just second-nature to me. So when you flirt with me, I will flirt back. And because I'm attracted to you in more ways than one, I'm going to flirt with a vigor reserved only for those I actually
want.
You've made it perfectly clear that you're not looking for love. You're looking for Ms. Right Now, or Ms. Right at this Moment. You've made it clear in no uncertain terms that it's all just plain no-holds-barred, no-strings-attached, FWB.
And that you want me to be 1 Ms. Right Now...and part of the reason is your unrequited crush on me. How am I supposed to feel? Flattered? Embarrassed? Angry? Disrespected? Flattered because you have your own unrequited crush one me? Embarrassed, Angry and Disrespected because clearly you think that I would let you?
Boy, I am not a plaything and I am not a toy. I have struggled my whole life with being just a pretty face or a nice pair of boobs or a sweet ass. I've been dying to break free from everyone's perception and with being known for my
beauty AND my brains
AND my humor. Believe it or not, I come as quite a complete package. Ask my friends, I'm pretty
fucking awesome. I refuse to be defined by my attractiveness or my abilities in bed. I do not want to be objectified, because I am, after all, your equal.
Maybe what hurts the most is that I would actually
consider betraying a love so pure for something so
lustful and
shallow. It is human nature that destroys the very essence of how far I've come. I used to trade in my good guys for the bad boys. And you walk into my life, and I suddenly have the urge to throw away the life I've built for a hookup? I guess it's that young girl in me, convincing myself that maybe I will be able to change your mind. That love can be born out of a FWB relationship.
But I want to wise up and move away from pulling a classic move.
Dear Boy, you have to excuse me if I no longer respond to your advances. If your flirtatious moves are no longer met with the same flirtatious tones and flirtatious lines, don't ask questions, just move on. In a different time and a different place, you could have been the man I would've settled down with or the man I would've had fun with. At the end of the day, I can not risk it. I can't risk my heart and my pride. The loss outweighs the gain and if this is the reason that I will miss out on my PRINCE CHARMING (who turned out not to be so charming) -- the embodiment of the man I've always wanted -- then so be it. Goodbye, sweet Boy,
if life has a funny way of showing that one day we will have our chance, then it will come. But for now, I have to focus on what is best for me.
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Comments (36)
You go girl :) Maybe in another life... as they say.
Stick with what makes you happy now. As, it could end up biting you if you decided otherwise. Good for ya!
that's a stronger stance than most other girls would have taken. kudos to you!
Yay. Good for you.
This was my favorite line: "Maybe what hurts the most is that I would actually consider betraying a love so pure for something so lustful and shallow."
Why? Because I can definitely sympathize. You put into words what I once felt.
Kudos --
Wow, you're strong! Awesome!
Stay strong chica!
best wishes. (:
go girl! u deserve what's the best for u!
Cool craigslist post
I believe that there's always that one girl that can turn a guy around, and if you're not it from square one, then there's no use to keep playing his games. One can not waste their life waiting for that one person, there's much more out there.
The decision you made, in my opinion, may be the best one.
Good for you! You go girl!
awesome post/letter!
smart move, sure hard when you actually have all those feelings
so poetic :)
Wow! you definitely reached the smart choice! =)
Stay with the man you love and who loves you, and never look back!!
hey, great decision =]
@Ethonox@xanga - HUH?
PS. Thank you everyone for your kind comments!! I appreciate it. This will not be the end of the line, however, because I will continue to post my thoughts & feelings on my often turbulent love life! THANKS AGAIN for the SUPPORT!
this letter was very well written :)
i left a "stable" relationship for a fwb hook up
best thing i ever did..
the "fling" lasted for 10 months and then we
got together officially and it's been a year
since that 10 months. and im still completely
happy. even moreso than that first relationship.
not everyone's stories are fortunate to turn
out the way mine did though.
well written story. but the ending was not what i expected. i thought she would bitch till the end...but she did what was logical. good for her!!!
im doing this anonymously cause i dont want my bf to know.
i felt just like you for quite a while. but with a catch: my crush was also my best friend. and my only friend.
we have a bit of history. once before i almost left my (then) fiance for him. i chose someone else instead, but i instantly regreted what i did. i was quite in love with him, but he hurt me, so i thought my crush was over.
i was wrong. he has since married and divorced someone else, and i have found another man for me. my boyfriend now is the greatest man i ever knew and he makes my life perfect.
but still i flirt with my best friend. i told him i dont want this anymore, but he keeps flirting, and i cant help but feel flattered and flirt back. after all, he was one of the first loves in my life.
i hope i can clear this situation without losing neither my boyfriend nor my best friend...
I have been there before. And it gets better, I promise. Keep strong!!
Good luck honey
Wow. Well written. While I'm not in a stable relationship right now, I can totally relate to the whole FWB thing... dangerous territory, especially with a bona-fide bad boy. Props to you for being strong!