Monday, 27 October 2008
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Are The Bible's Views on Sex Still Valid? I Don't Know...
This is a guest blog submitted by harmonyminusmelody.I was brought up in the Bible belt of America, western North Carolina. So for 12 years of my life, I was taught that sex was evil and that even considering anything but abstinence and complete celibacy until your marriage night was totally out of the question.
So in the past year and a half, I've been struggling with this issue. With my current girlfriend, I've experienced emotions that I was taught to restrain from. Thing is, I was never told how powerful these emotions were, and I was never taught what to do "just in case". So lately I've been pondering the question of sex more and more because, since me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year and a half. We're both virgins and talk very much in depth about getting married, and we love each other very much. So, what's the hang up?
Well, my background. I've come to be more open minded to my view of the world in the past few years when I moved away from NC and moved to VA. We're ready for sex. We both are struggling with this issue of pre-marital sex. I'm not sure anymore about what the Bible means about sex and whether or not it applies to this day and age or just to the society then.
We love each other so very much, and we're definitely planning on marriage. So my question to you all is: should we go ahead and express our love in this time-honored way, or should we stick to our old (slightly biased and terribly taught) ideals?
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Comments (400)
I really wish I could answer your question, because I am in a very similar situation. I still don't know if my issues with sex are really valid, or if they come from a conservative upbringing that has left me with all sorts of sex-guilt. I can say, though, that I did two things about it today - I made an appointment with a doctor to talk about going on birth control, and set up a meeting with my chaplain to talk about my concerns. To me, it sounds like you have a loving, committed relationship, and that that is what matters most when it comes to having sex.
To me, sex is an expression of love. If you two are ready and committed, I see no problem with it.
Well, you can decide that the biblical view is "outdated for this culture", but if you're going to do that, you have to do it for everything else. And if you're going to do that, what is the point of viewing the Bible as the word of God?
Just because society has taken a more liberal stance on issues doesn't mean that God has changed his viewpoint.
Consider: he cracked down pretty hard on sin even back in "Bible times". Why would it be any different today? Sin is sin, and it's not open to our "interpretation".
This is only my opinion.. I'm a Christian as well but honestly, the Bible belt area terrifies me. The people who preach there & stuff are the ones everyone calls "Bible thumpers." Seriously.. teaching sex is evil?! I don't think that's the right approach to teaching growing Christians to wait until marriage. That can be taught a lot better.. They could also clarify for everyone that the temptation is really strong 'cause just the "sex is evil" part doesn't cut it. That's really not helpful for anyone. I do believe in waiting until marriage & I know it's tough but I'm sure it'll all be worth it on your wedding night. :) Then again, I'm a traditional kind of girl & my beliefs are high on my list of priorities.. but that's just me. [note: I'm not forcing my opinion on others so don't flame me!]
It's entirely up to you what you want to do & what you end up deciding. Good luck 'cause it's not easy~
I was raised in SC. I never was really brought up to wait until marriage, it was when you felt the time was right. I met the man I married and we were engaged three months after dating and I decided that it was time to break that barrier. He was my first & only, luckily. I am glad I waited until then though.
It all depends on what you truly feel is right. If you feel you will marry and want to travel into that forbidden zone and won't mind people judging you, 'cause there probably will be a few that will. It just all depends on what you and your girlfriend feel is right. Sit down and have a long talk with her about what you guys see & feel is right.
Good luck with it!
im not a virgin and i was brought up in a Christian home. I always thought that sex was a taboo thing.....I was dating a guy that i loved more than anything and after two years of dating we had sex. we dated for another two years, got engaged...and then he ended it all. i have never felt more empty than i do now.
I think what happens is sex is suppose to keep ppl together. it helps you overlook flaws and problems in the other person. and that is great if you are married because theres no chance of the other one leaving....but if there is a chance...and it does happen...your world gets turned upside down.
But also too, if you are having sex with someone you are not meant to be with, then that sex will keep you together untill things get way out of hand...
In life....things evolve, one of the greatest discoveries were about natures evolutionary paths...
so...the bible is still going to be the bible...and people are still going read the bible...(and believe in it)
you shouldn't let those values dictate your life so much....
because we all evolve...but don't be blind-sighted by whats in front of you...otherwise...all that background was for nothing.
--just my opinion...thats all.-LKD
I had the same issue with my ex (then girlfriend). I wasn't as strict as you are, but I knew my limits and what I wanted to do and not to do, and she grew up much like you did with similar beliefs. We respected each others wishes, even though we had been together for two and half years. We never made that "leap," even though it got progressively tougher. I guess what i'm trying to say is that when you're ready, you'll know. You'll both know. Take your time, discuss the issue (which i'm sure you have), and make sure you're both ready to commit to expressing your love for each other in the most physical of ways. No matter what type of Holy scripture says about sex, it comes down to YOU and YOUR PARTNER, and when you're BOTH READY.
God doesn't think sex is evil. That's a rediculous statement. He thinks premarital sex is.
God doesn't change.
If you're questioning it, maybe you shouldn't do it.
Xo
I can identify. I grew up in probably an even more strict household than most. My family is loving and everything but I never had the sex talk - just that you have to wait for marriage to have sex. So, I just took it as I heard it and told myself I would wait. Didn't work. Not that I turned into a sex machine but with my boyfriend at the time, I just let it go. The guy I am with now didn't grow up in a very religious background and so his thoughts are when you feel it's right and it's an expression of love (one of the many). We really love and care for each other as you do with your girlfriend so I have no regrets about it and we are planning on spending the rest of our lives with each other.
However, I don't know if you and your gf will feel the same AFTER sex. Only because it's something you both grew up thinking was bad until marriage. If both of you are COMPLETELY ready to then I would say go ahead. Whatever you truly feel in your heart you should do.
Have you prayed about it? It might be weird to. I tried the first time - and then decided it was too weird. Haha. But you know, it might help you and her out.
As far as if the Bible was written for THAT time or for NOW or both...I do not have the slightest clue. That's for you to decide. I've heard both ends of the spectrum and everything in between. I don't even know what to think anymore lol.
Ok.
Wow, there's my 2 cents worth ;)
Good luck.
This is a tough one. How old are you guys? How many relationships have you had with other people?
My advice to you would be this: wait. If it's such a big deal to you, waiting wont be too hard. Once you start, there's no going back, no "undo" button.
Are you 100% sure that this will last? If there's even one iota of doubt, hold off for now.
It's an amazing experience. Just make sure that you give it to the one person who means the most to you, and the next morning/ day/ night/month/year there'll be absolutely no regrets about it.
As for the Bible references, the Bible is ALWAYS relevant, no matter the era that it is applied. Calling the Bible "out-of-date" or "out-of-touch" is basically, a cop-out to do what YOU want rather than what GOD wants.
It seems like the two of you have a set of good heads on your shoulders. Keep it up, and remember, that no matter what your decision is, stay safe: when the time comes, be sure to use contraception. The combination of the Pill and condoms is the most fail-safe way outside of abstinence to prevent pregnancy and the transfer of most STIs.
Good luck!
it's kind of bad that you were not properly taught, but that is one of the problems the church struggles with. I would caution you...those emotions are strong and you are certain now that you will get married, but what if you don't? If your faith is even semi strong introducing that into your life could effect your future relationships. There is no real surety that it will work out til you put that ring on her finger. Those emotions are strong, but they don't have to let them control you. Use your good judgement and realize the consequences either way...Sex is meant to be an completion of what was accomplished at the alter
Well, this isn't a question anyone can answer for you. What matters is how strong your ties are to your faith. (keep in mind that I'm not preaching... I'm in no position to; I'm not really religious and I am not a virgin!)
But if you truly believe in the Bible and the sacrifices it calls for, then you should know what to do without asking. It sounds like you might be questioning it, and that's okay too. But this is something that is between you, your hormones, and your faith. But whatever you do, do it because it is what YOU believe is right, not what people on Xanga believe, not what your Bible Belt community believes. It's gotta be what's right for you.
Along with the others though, I will caution you that there are definite complications that can arise from sex. What the Bible says to do is only one of the things you should be worrying about here.
Good luck!
I think that most of those laws in the Bible shouldn't be taken seriously. That isn't to say that I think the Bible is a work of fiction [even though I do] but it is true that the Bible has gone through many different translations and changes and edits. For all we know it may have at one point said that sex is the best thing you can do. Sex can be really good for you, your body and your relationship.
I think if you are both sure you're ready, you should do it. I think it's so sweet that you're both virgins. I always wanted to lose my virginity to another virgin but I don't think that's going to happen. =[
i don't know your age but if you are young, i would wait because the risk of unwanted pregnancy and the responsibility that comes with it.
but if you are old enough to at least support yourself and her, and that you are really in love then go with it. if you are unsure whether that person is the one for you, i'll be cautious.
The biblical viewpoint is still as valid today as it was when it was written. If we are going to choose and pick which is valid and that which is out dated then we treat the Bible as though it was a buffet. Yeah, salvation is still valid to me, but come on, how does God expect me as a male/ female to stay sexually pure in a day and age like this? Some of the worst Christianesque cults that exist today have put biblical buffetism into practice choosing what they want to believe in and subtracting that which doesnt suit their convictions or thoughts.
My fiancee are I have been dating for three years now. We are both virgins, and have both stood committed on our promise to wait until marriage. Others look at us and laugh and sneer. But we both know its the best decision we could have made for ourselves. Stay focused and strong on the committment you know is right.
Here's the clincher. You guys have been dating for a year and half now. You talk about marriage. You love her. Why give it away now. You've held on this long. However, say she isn't the one. You move on and marry a girl who is a virgin who has saved her self for you while you have slept with this girl you are dating now. What's your answer to her why you didn't wait for her since she waited for you...
I believe two people should have sex if the feeling is mutual, whether that feeling is love or it's just a desire to feel good. The key is to engage in activities with people who are "on the same page" as you, which will minimize problematic situations. If you both agree on doing it and are both understanding of any consequences, then I don't see a problem with having sex.
One thing to also note is that societies and ideals evolve over time, while the bible will never change. To say that just because it's in the bible it must be followed is not always logical to me. There are more important things besides virginity in a relationship, in love, and in life. Just because you're a virgin and she's a virgin doesn't guarantee anything.
sex is not evil. then why the heck would God create it? i think people make it bad by not keeping it sacred and making it so easy to jump into...such as having one night stands. God just says it's better having it after marriage. Cuz marriage is a sacred bond between two people. but we live in totally different generation. divorce rates are freakin sky high. just follow what your heart says...cuz if youre ready for it then youre ready for the consequences. just be adult about it.
@AGraceB@xanga - Christianity caused me to define as asexual when I left the faith, because I didn't know how to function as a sexual person in secular society. All that sex-guilt you're talking about? Consuming.
I am not going to say it's alright or not.I'm brought up from a Christian family, too. I've read the bible twice and honestly it is outdated for our current culture and/or lifestyle. Doesn't mean that you should disregard it.The old testament is so said, a record of the Christian past and new testament is for the future (The Apocalypse). I would read on the new testament.Maybe it'll help you make up your mind. That being beside the point, honestly, it's what you hold dear.Sex is lightly taken now and taken as a sign of love or "passion".In the bible, it was actually considered giving birth (blessing) to new life between a couple who was blessed by God. I would say that keeping your virginity for the person you do marry would be best.Your purity will be given to the one who God has accepted or chosen for you.I guess it would be a blessing knowing the person you love gave all to you and marriage itself would be more meaningful.
My first time was with somebody I loved very much. He had wanted to wait until marriage but we decided why wait if we are going to get married anyway? Well that relationship went on for a while and we even got engaged but then I decided it just wasn't right for me. I think I only let it get that far because I thought it was what was supposed to happen and I was too afraid to break up with him.
Later I started having sex with my best friend because... well who knows why. It seemed like a good idea. I cared deeply for him and it just felt right.
This got weird though when I ended up with a new boyfriend and I think my best friend was hoping I would end up dating him. My best friend and I went through a lot of ups and downs but I would like to think we are still friends.
My new boyfriend and I started having sex soon after we started dating. Things moved fast with him but it was because we had already worked together for a while. We got married on August 31st and I am the happiest I have ever been.
I guess the point of my comment is you just have to do what you feel is right. If you feel you are ready then go for it. If it feels wrong or you don't know if it feels right then it isn't right and you shouldn't do it. Every time I had sex with somebody (I have only had sex with the 3 people mentioned above) it felt right to me. That is all that matters.
I am not a Christian. I was raised a Catholic, and am probably about as far away from one now because of it.
I do not believe in God, and personally do not think that it should enter into someone's choices to have sex, let alone anything else. However, I respect that lots of people's do, so I will say this.
I don't care what anyone says, one of the most important things in a long lasting relationship is intimacy (sexual and non). Without it, so much of the spark is gone and you become simply friends (if even that). You might be compatible on every other level of your relationship but sexual intimacy. And if that doesn't work, it might open some doors to things that you didn't even think about. I believe that sexual compatibility is essential in a marriage and relationship. If you don't have it, why even bother getting married? Why not just stay friends with the person and live your life that way? I think if you're both comfortable with having sex, do it. You need to see if you're even compatible for one another that way.
And no, it's not true that if you truly love one another the sex will be amazing. That is simply not true at all. Potentially with time, but you need to see. I think if you can honestly put the notion of "God will think it's wrong" to bed, then do it. Literally and figuratively.
Plus, do you honestly think that an entity supposedly born of undying love will exile you from his/her kingdom for having premarital sex? I don't but then again, I'm a secular humanist.
I will just put it this way, I know people that have waited and I know people that haven't and that ones that waited have no regrets and the ones that didnt are either devorced or have cheated and had the other cheat on them because it wasn't looked at as a Holy thing and Yes God does say that sex is Holy Im Not maried and I havent had sex and I will encourage you to look into scripture for your self on that matter no one person can tell right and wrong other then God alone. praying for you
OMG just do it already. You're in love, you've been together long enough to know each other back and front, you trust each other. . . . GO FOR IT.
No need to worry about marriage, this is apart of being in a modern relationship. Recently a modern relationship is essentially marriage without a certificate.
Personally I never believed in waiting until marriage and even when taught it I never thought it was a reasonable restriction for human beings.
Just do it. Seriously. And BTW, the first time is never as amazing as it's cracked up to be. Try a few times, then you'll see what all the fuss is about.
Have fun.