Friday, 24 October 2008
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Having Your Ex Come to Your Wedding?
Mr. Giraffe
Blanche, one of my friend's sisters, was getting married to Theo. Blanche's ex-boyfriend was Bruce. Blanche invited Bruce to her wedding, which did not sit well with Theo. According to my friend, Theo was worried that if Blanche saw her ex at the wedding, it would make her question her decision to marry him. In the end, however, Bruce showed up to the wedding with his long-term girlfriend, so all of Theo's worries were killed.This story had me thinking. Were Theo's fears injustified? Or does the ex represent a time when your SO was happy with someone else? Have you had this experience? Would you react the same way that Theo did?
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Comments (50)
I wouldn't, because I know my fiance wouldn't want to be with any of his exes. They were all pretty psycho, and I'm his first relationship that lasted more than a month or two. So I wouldn't be worried. I also doubt he'd invite them, but assuming he did, I wouldn't be worried.
I also hope he'd feel the same way about my exes. I'd hope he'd know that there would be no way I would ever leave him for anybody, let alone someone I've already been there and done that with. I left them for a reason, and I haven't forgotten those reasons. I only have one ex I'd even consider inviting to our wedding, and I doubt his wife would let him come. I don't think she likes me much, especially for never having met me.
So, long story short, no, I wouldn't be alarmed if he invited his exes, just as he shouldn't be alarmed if I happened to invite one of mine. I would be curious to meet them, though...and maybe gloat just a little that I landed him when they couldn't. Just a little gloating.
-Katie
Never mind the question of inviting the EX. Why would anyone want to see their EX get married in the first place? Maybe I'm just someone who can never totally divorce myself from the memory of loving someone, but to me, seeing an EX with someone else would at the very least be weird. At the very worst, a self-imposed torture.
i would not invite any of my exs. but if my bride did there had better be a very good reason why and we should talk about it and if i was uncomfortable with it, i would hope she would respect that and not invite.
I think it'd be pretty awkward to invite my ex or my boyfriend's former whatever she was to our wedding. While my boyfriend & I trust each other & know that he picked me for a reason & vice versa, that issues like that won't bring about jealousy. The past is the past & we should be focusing on the present & our future. I guess it'd be awkward as we both don't talk to our previous crushes/exes & that just signified an immature aspect our lives if anything.
I think Theo should have realized that maybe Blanche was happy with her ex but she's happier now with him. That's all that should matter. It's just a matter of perspective. That makes a big difference & causes the jealousy to sort of fade away. :)
@buddy71@xanga - Agreed!
@kaleidescopeeyes88@xanga - That's exactly what I was thinking! I would never invite an ex to my wedding. To me significant others have a certain function in your life, and when it's over, it's over! They're no longer important. The whole situation of inviting an ex to my wedding seems pointless.
in most cases, i would say that inviting your ex to your wedding would be really weird. there are cases when i think it would be okay, though. say you just happened to have dated someone in your group of close friends and then you both decided you were better off as friends and you both still remained in the same "clique" so to speak. i would think it would be hurtful not to invite them because they are more of a friend than an ex. OR if your ex happens to be good friends with your fiance anyways, why not? But most of the time, yeah, that's a no-no, i would say.
I want my ex to come to my wedding someday. I really truly want him there. I know that would probably make me fall for him again, but doesn't that say something? Personally, I think that if all those feelings come back, isn't that questioning the love you have for your soon-to-be husband or wife? Isn't that showing that the love you share with them might not be as strong as you think? It obviously can't withstand old love, so why bother?
Stupid, probably.
One of my ex-es is still a cherished, though distant, friend. My fiancee (at the time - married 20 years now) OK'd inviting him to our wedding. He didn't show, but that's his business.
Theo doesn't trust Blanche like (imo) a liminal fiancee/husband should. If Blanche thinks that inviting Bruce won't tempt her (which it shouldn't, if she's in love with Theo), then she should invite him. But in any case, it's up to her. I'm not married, but I'm pretty sure that trust is a big part of marriage...
I'm good friends with a few exes... there are at least three that I'd invite to my wedding if it was tomorrow, and if my wife-to-be has a problem with it, that's probably a symptom of something deeper, I think.
i don't know. i couldn't comprehend it all actually. it was like one of those reading comprehension problems i hated when i was in 5th grade. lol. sorry. but it looks like you got some other pretty good responses. thought i'd let you get a laugh at my expense. ahahahaha.
I think it all depends on your relationship with your ex and your relationship with your spouse to be. My best friend had an unusual wedding. Not only was her ex invited to the wedding but he was also the Best Man and the DJ. I'm pretty sure that is the only wedding I will ever attend that has a Best Man's Toast beginning with the words "Back when I was dating the Bride..." He has introduced the Bride and Groom when things did not work out. They are all best friends now. Each circumstance is unique and people deal with it in different ways.
My Ex was invited to my wedding, I think that we sent the invitation just as a peace treaty of sorts. I have no idea if he slipped into the church (we had almost 400 attend our wedding)
Here is the catch....The minister who performed our service came into to town just to do this for us, and he is my Ex's-Brother!
Well, since we all know that TV is the great dispenser of wisdom... Inviting exes broke up Ted and Stella's wedding on How I Met Your Mother, so I'm going to say...
Not a good idea.
there's this one person that i had something with, but it never lasted long enough to become a relationship.. and somewhat ended awkwardly. we're now close friends and have promised to invite each other to our weddings. we are now both in our respective happy long-term relationships. but i think weddings are important events where people that mean something to you, no matter the past complications, should at least be given an invitation. it's up to them on whether they feel comfortable to attend or not (maybe that's just me because i seldomly feel awkward about things even though i've had my fair share of awkward situations...).
but i would invite my exes =)unless the invitation sounds like a mockery of "i'm marrying this other person but not you".. then you just have to know your ex well enough to see how he'd interpret it.
@AimeeAnne@xanga - Haha, my thoughts exactly.
there is only one person from my fiance's past i would invite. all the rest are crazy, hahaha.Â
No, I'd never invite any exes to my wedding. It would be too uncomfortable on both ends and especially for my fiance!
If you're marrying that person, it's assumed that your future wife/husband has given up any sort of feelings for their exes. His doubts are understandable, but as mentioned before, you would assume they have already given that up. At least for me, I'd marry till I'm sure things are straight.
Um, WHAT THE FUCK?
If I was getting married and wanted to invite one of my exes, and it bothered my fiance, I'd call off the engagement and break off the relationship. If he doesn't trust me and trust that I love him, then he's not right for me, anyway.
I went to my ex's wedding - he invited me. I went with a friend. The relationship had ended quite oddly - with me hurting him, and I think he needed a 'rub my face it it' moment to get the closure he needed.
I didn't mind obliging. We're still in touch and get on pretty well.Â
I think an ex at a wedding is fine - depending of course on why you invited them. If you're hoping for a cry of 'it should have been me' from the back of the aisle - you should probably think twice about mailing the invite!
I did not invite any ex boyfriends to my first wedding or even my ex-husband to my second wedding. Too much distraction and drama.
I think it's fine, but I am not one to have soar relationships with my exes unless they don't know how to handle an end to a relationship and act like assholes. The only problem is your current SO, they usually don't handle ex bf very well especially if it's the ex before them. Men are not very secure creatures if you haven't notice lol.
Both my husband and I invited our ex's to our wedding. I think because both of us were still friends with the ex', we were able to understand where the other one was coming from. I imagine it might have been a different situation if only one of us had invited an ex.
This just happened in the last episode of "How I Met Your Mother"! Honestly if I were Ted I would've invited Robin because they're good friends even though they're exes and I think it's a silly rule, but I guess I can see why it might be weird.
And my dad was the best man at my mom's ex husband's wedding, so obviously my mom was at the wedding.
i would be uncomfortable... but i guess it depends on the person. i've had a really bad experience with a guy and his ex (where i was his rebound for about a week before he got back together with her) and it left me feeling worthless.
i think his feelings are totally justified... who could give you more competition than someone who once held your SO's heart? i mean... obviously she saw something in him before, what's keeping her from seeing that same thing again?