Friday, 24 October 2008

• How NOT to Get Friend Zoned

  This is a guest blog submitted by La_dolce_vida.
  
   
  
  That's right..it's better than nothing...or is it?
  
  I have one too many guy friends that somehow always, always end up getting friend zoned and they cry their pathetic little eyes out to me wondering where their balls are. I'll listen to their sob story for about 2 seconds before I throw their balls back into their face and give them my speech about where they went wrong, but they NEVER listen! So what kind of speech do I give them, you ask? Well sit down, relax and read on, my fellow ladies and gents! I'm about to edumacate you guys on how NOT to get friend-zoned. For the ladies, you guys can share these tips with your "friend zoned" male friends and for you guys who happen to fall into this category often, you can stand to learn a thing or two.
  
  Before I delve into the tips, I just wanted to talk a little about the rules of attraction based on the Ladder Theory™. The Ladder Theory, or "LT," is a pseudoscientific explanation of the ways in which men and women evaluate members of the opposite sex upon first impressions. In the "Ladder theory" model, this decision is typically made quickly and is often final. This determines the other's potential as a future mate. (Source: Wiki).
  
  To further illustrate the Ladder Theory via pictures... (knowing how visual you, my blog readers, are):
  
    
  
  As you can see, the woman actually has 2 ladders in her mind whereas the man only has one. The woman's "real ladder" is reserved for guys who may possibly get into her pants whereas the "friends ladder" is well, self-explanatory. If a guy who is on the "friends ladder" attempts to jump over to the "real ladder", he may find himself kicked in the groin and fall into "The Abyss" to suffer a fate of shame, guilt and humiliation. The key (for a guy) is to get himself onto the "real ladder" and not the "friends ladder" and there's a very fine line between the two ladders. One wrong move and he'll end up on the "friends ladder".
  
  The man's ladder, as you can see is quite simple and self-explanatory.
  
  Onto the tips on how NOT to get friend-zoned. You "nice guys" out there need to read this carefully and memorize it! Print it out; put it in your wallet if you must.
  

  • Stop being her bitch.

  This means you are not her slave 24/7. If she says jump, don't ask "how high?" If she calls you at 3 a.m. wanting to eat chicken curry, it doesn't mean you show up at her door 10 minutes later with chicken curry that you flew in from India. This also means that you don't run out to get her tampons for her when it's that time of the month. And it definitely means you are not her round-the-clock chauffeur.
  
  Even if you're thinking, "Oh, but I'm trying to help her out," no. No. No! You are not her f*ckin' taxi!
  

  • Don't suffer from predictabilitis.

  She should not be able to know where you are, what you are doing at any specified time even without having to ask you. There is nothing that screams "borrrrrring!!!" more than your sitting on your butt at home on a Saturday night watching Simpsons re-runs, every weekend. Girls like mystery and intrigue. Make them think you're out on a hot date even if you're sitting at home sniffing your clothes to see which ones are clean.
  

  • Stop playing "Dear Abby" with her.

  Have you heard her stories of how So-and-So is such an a-hole to her for the 10,000th time already? Have you sat through hours and hours of "Why is he this way to me? Why can't I find a nice guy like you?!" And my most favorite: "You'd so make a good boyfriend to some girl some day!"
  

  • Mix up the game a bit.

  Don't make this one girl's life revolve around yours. Pursue other girls and interests. The more you don't consume your life with just her, the more you'll show her that you don't think she's the last chick on Earth (because honestly, she isn't). Besides, if she sees you pursuing other girls, it may trigger a bit of jealousy. Maybe all of a sudden, she'll realize, "Hmm...am I missing out on something with what's right in front of me?"
  

  • Don't be a Compliment Carl.

  Sure, every girl loves a compliment here and there, but don't shower her with a blanket of compliments heavy enough to suffocate a 300 lb. man! Now I'm not saying to NEVER compliment her, but truth be told, when you're always complimenting her, you will illicit an "Awwww, you're suuuuch a niiiice guyyyy!" response. That type of response means only one thing and one thing only: "friends ladder" forever. Really.
  

  • Take charge/maintain control of your balls at all times.

  There is nothing a girl loves more from a guy than confidence and when he takes charge. Example: if you guys are going out to eat and you ask her what she wants to eat, she replies with "I don't know/care, anywhere is fine by me." Don't sit there and play that seesaw game of: "Well I dunno...you decide. It doesn't matter where, I'll eat whatever you want...blah blah blah"! UGH. This screams total p*ssy. Step up to the plate. BE A MAN. Take charge. Be prepared/organized. If you know you're gonna go out to eat ahead of time, do a little research. You can find a good restaurant on Yelp in 2 seconds flat.
  

  • Get touchy-feely.

  This step is very delicate, so tread lightly. Whenever you can, make small moves to be able to touch her. Whether it's a playful hug or horsing around, breaking that physical touch barrier is important because it shows that you are interested in her romantically. It also gets her used to your touch. This doesn't give you a license to be Chester the Molester, though (hence "tread lightly".)
  

  • Go in for the kill.

  When you're tired of all the little hints that you've tried dropping and when you've done all the steps above, suck it up and declare your intentions with her. Make it known to her clearly that you want more than a friendship. Don't talk yourself into thinking that she's gonna catch on, read your mind and magically will tell you one day that she wants you to be her boyfriend. It.won't.happen.that.way.
  
  Yes, you might be rejected. Yes, you might be shot down. Yes, she might tell you "Well, I don't like you that way..." And yes, your friendship with her might be ruined forever. But you know what? You just have to bite the bullet and do it!
  
  I know that's a lot to remember, but hopefully this will help you "nice guys" out there. If you're still not sure if you're headed for the "friend zone", you can always take this nifty quiz to find out! Good luck! Now go get 'em, tiger!
  
  ***Disclaimer: What I wrote above is purely from my personal opinion. It is by no means the Holy Grail of dating tips!
  
  

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