Monday, 20 October 2008
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Dear Dr. Datingish: He Only Wants Sex
I have been with this guy for around two months now. We'd known each other for around a year or so before we started to date, so our relationship went pretty fast. I've liked him for a little bit over half a year and I was really excited when he asked me out.At first everything went pretty smoothly and he treated me like I was his little princess (not in a high maintenance kind of way). But recently I feel like our relationship has gone downhill. Every time he sees me all he wants to do is make out or have sex (depending on where we are).
Relationships are supposed to be about mental connections, not just a physical attraction, right? I still find myself drawn to him mentally, but I get so tired of sex and the lack of connection I have when I'm with him. I even talked to him about this. He said he understands but his actions tell me otherwise.
How should I deal with my boyfriend if all he wants is sex?
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Comments (93)
maybe you should whip him into shape...
Seriously, assert yourself, whip him into shape, don't let him just walk all over you.
I totally know what you're going through, because I've been in that situation before. I told him about it, and he did change for a few weeks, but fell back into the same routine. After a year and a half I broke it off with him. Being with someone that just wants sex is totally not someone you want to be with.
Try doing stuff that does not involve making out or having sex...if he keeps pushing the intimate level or losing interest in whatever's going on...you need to talk to him about it, or ditch him.
While it's nice he's physically attracted to you, there is more that needs to come with the relationship.
in the beginning all my bf and i did was have sex. we've been dating about 7 months now, and our sex life has declined since we see each other everyday. he complains a lot about it. but since we have found a mental connection, i am more interested in that than the physical aspect. i have no desire to sleep with anyone else, im just not a horny toad any more.
im not sure what to do when he starts complaining about it. part of me thinks its normal, and part of me doesn't. i think he feels incopitant.
my suggestion for you is to talk to him about taking a break from sex. tell him you want to work on other aspects of the relationship. if he doesn't agree with you, then you'll really know that sexual intercourse is all he's looking for from you. if he's a good man, im sure he'll go along with it.
tame his teenager ways! good luck
Or you could dump him, you know, be assertive.
You should really tell him that you do not want a physical relationship.
If he starts complaining about it, especially the famous: "Oh, that means you don't love me?" Just dump him. Only guys that solely wants sex uses that catch-phrase.
Best advice for you is to be on guard, and know what you're doing. Don't let him take the advantage. Let him know that you need/want your space, and you just don't want a physical relationship.
Best of luck. =]
Just think about what makes you happy. If the relationship you want doesn't have to be ALL about sex all the time, then you need to talk to him. If he can't understand, go back to how you feel about things and what makes you happy. If you really just don't want it all to be about sex, then leave him. You'll find someone who can understand you better and go beyond just having sex. But you already said you've talked to him, so I don't think it's going to go anywhere. Best thing to do would be to move on without him.
uhm... is he 17 years old? i think age sorta matters... it's pretty common for younger guys (upper limit around the mid- to late-twenties) to be somewhat uninterested in the mental connection. and you know.. it's normal (though i am not in anyway justifying his actions... just trying to explain them).
if he's really into you... he'll want to talk to you *as well* as have sex with you. if he doesn't ever really want to chat.. .then you'll need to look elsewhere for that meaningful relationship.
I think sometimes it is hard when sex comes (for lack of better word) so easily. It is almost an addiction, but you could as someone mentioned earlier, do activities which do give the opportunity to hump like rabbits. It just devalues it all and becomes second nature. Tell him it'll be better and more satisfying if you guys do it say only on the weekends.
Also, are your needs being met? Perhaps, the frequency is draining you because the physical activity doesn't satisfy any needs for intimacy. "Schedule" a night or two for more intimate activities which don't involve "rabbit-ness". Cuddlin? Massage (with clothes on)? Candle lit dinner?
Alternatively, try going out with a group of friends and get away from the bedroom.
If all else fails, it might be time for a more serious talk or a break.....
That's how most relationships start. All sex all the time. As time passes, the sex will wane, and all the other stuff should get better.
I'm a quality instead of quantity kind of girl. Too much sex would really start dragging. I have to have connections on many levels, not just physical. If a guy can't provide that, then he's not the one for me. It just shows me we aren't on the same wavelength. I would let him go. Actions definitely speak louder than words.
Make him wait at least 6 months. No guy who really cares about you will let that deter him, and no low-life scumbag will stick around that long. ;)
break up with him or talk to him. this is an unhealthy relationship and if it keeps up the communication and everything will go on the back burner. it will end up just being a "sex" relationship or even worse, friends with benefits.
Make him wait a while before you have sex again, that way he’ll know you’re being serious. If he really likes you and understands that you want more than just sex he’ll wait around, if not, his loss. You have to be serious about it though. You can’t tell him you want more than sex but still sleep with him. He won't get the picture.
it depends what you want...
I would really reconsider the whole thing..
if he's a good guy, then he'll leave you accordingly
(thats the only thing I give my ex for, he left me for his ex)
or else he'll stick around just for the sex
me and my ex#2 lacked mental and emotional connection too...
it was all physical but we didn't get into anything sexual (thank god)..
but even if he didn't leave me for his ex,
I would've broken up with him that night anyways...
but right now he wants me to be his 'other girl'
I told him to stay away... but I have to remember that I need to stay away!!!
The way I see it, you can do one of two things.
A: If he's not giving you what you want, then find someone who will. Sex is great, but when one person wants it more than the other, it can cause problems. If he cant put his sexual desires aside, then maybe hes not the one for you, no matter how much you may like him.
B: If you feel that you "cant" leave him, or just don't want too, then I guess you just have to put up with it.
IMO, option A is better and more reasonable than B. I don't know about anyone else, but I wouldn't be willing to sacrifice my happiness and my desires to make someone else feel good about themselves.
it could be your hormone levels..
fix that and you can meet him half way. He could be into you could because you are not very interested in sex. Guys like to be challenged and love to hunt. Maybe because when you try not to be sexual, it gives him the opportunity to try to change your mind.. thus improving his ego and his sex life.
i was just kidding about the hormones tho.
give it to him!!!!
if your man wants sex, let it be that! females act like they dont need it, but in reality, its all they think about. enough with the emotional bull! Do his ass whenever he wants it. Dont reject him!
Be more assertive or dump him.
If he's not interested in an emotional relationship, maybe he's not right for you. You seem to care very much about the emotional side to a relationship. If he doesn't feel the same way, maybe it's time to find someone who matches better with who you are. Don't settle for someone you don't feel happy with.
If he can't give you what you want, drop him. Don't let him walk all over you. You deserve to be appreciated & treated right. If he can't do that for you, he doesn't deserve you. Plain & simple. Don't ever let a guy take advantage of you that way. It's easier said than done though. It's gonna be hard for you to break up with him or make it clear to him that he's gotta shape up, or peace out! Good luck~
Dump his ass. A relationship built on just sex is doomed to fail anyways.
sex is great!!! at least it is for those that are getting some haha. :o)~
okay, first of all.. you can't really "threaten" to take sex away from him as a punishment. because if he's a dog, he'll stray. but i agree with compromising. dont make yourself so easily accessible. if he wants to hang out? if he wants to see you? DO NOT be available all the time. when he calls? dont answer every single call. guys like the chase. they like the challenge, it keeps the spark alive, they like to know that the girl they're with is confident and independent. weird but so true. so if you give up the booty everytime he wants it, game over! and why punish yourself if you like sex almost as much as he does?! if you do not make yourself available all the time, he'll start to miss hanging out with you. if that doesnt work, its time for him to go. sometimes people are better off as friends. sorry chica... but good luck!
You should ditch him! Because if you become his WIFE, do you know what you means to him?
W.I.F.E= Washing, ironing , fcuking,etc