Friday, 17 October 2008
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The Dangers of Public Proposals
My oldest sister is of the marrying age and, by default, so are all of her friends. She told me this one story about her friend James proposing to his girlfriend of two years Charlotte. When James and Charlotte went to her family's annual Christmas party in 2007, he proposed to her in front of everybody. She accepted. Everyone was happy. La-di-da. Later, she told my sister that this proposal was a complete surprise.
At first, I thought this was a good proposal story. If I were ever proposed to, I'd like to be in front of the people I loved the most (maybe just because I wouldn't have to waste time calling everyone and their mother).
But then I got to thinking. What if Charlotte had wanted to say no? Maybe she wasn't ready to get married? I doubt the couple talked about it since she was totally shocked and surprised. Let's say that Charlotte's first instinct was to say no, she couldn't ever say no in front of everyone. That would metaphorically castrate the poor man. I'm not saying that James was wrong for surprise-proposing. Surprises are always good and if he felt that strongly about Charlotte, then proposing was the right thing to do.
I'm not saying that men (or women, since this is the 21st century) who plan public proposals are manipulators, but it seems that doing so is almost a surefire way to get a yes. Or, at least, I'd wonder if the yes was genuine or just because I'd asked in front of everyone.
Have you gone through a similar experience? What do you think: are public proposals romantic or too much pressure?
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Comments (59)
I've always wanted to see a lady say no to a public proposal just to see what the guy would do.
It's not exactly the same thing, but once a friend of mine asked me out in the cafeteria. I was so shocked and surprised that I blurted out "No!" and laughed in the poor guy's face. The bad thing was that I would have said yes if he hadn't caught me so off-guard.
I respond oddly to pressure sometimes =/
Public announcements of affection can sometimes be extremely unpredictable.
@mrcolorful@xanga - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W285WPD87bc&feature=related
I think its romantic, and I'm all for it. I honestly think the guy/girl has an idea what the answer may be. And if anything, they may say "YES" just to be polite but do the negotiations later behind closed doors. I mean getting engaged still DOES NOT guarantee a marriage. Some couples go through the engagement process for a short time before actually getting married. I've seen engagements break, unfortunately.
The person proposing would know which way is the best way to propose. A big surprise or a little surprise (behind closed doors) would probably be based on the couples' lifestyle. Are they party animals? Or are they more private? BUT you have some people who will propose because they believe that it would fix their problems, and then they get rejected. So yea, I can say it's romantic if done for the right reasons or it can be too much pressure if it's not for the right reasons.
Never been through something like this.
I think sometimes it can be a bit too much pressure for the one doing the asking and the one being asked, what reactions will their get, the answer given/recieved.
Sometimes it can be romantic.
he better darned well KNOW that I would say yes before asking.
Because if my answer was no, I'd be pissed at him for being so cocky and manipulative. In this case,
I'd never say YES,
even to save his face!
I already know I am going to say yes, but I warned my bf that if he does it in public I may not say yes. I get highly embarrassed in public and to have my whole family waiting is just too much pressure. Because then as soon as I recover from that the questions will start flying, when is the weddind? When are you having kids? Blah, blah, blah. I want it to be intimate so that we both remember it and not think back and think it wasn't very personal at all.
@npr32486@xanga - Thanks. That was pretty funny.
My own proposal was in public. Er...well, my fiance's proposal to me, that is. I loved it. But, see, we'd already talked about it, picked out the ring, that sort of thing. He KNEW I'd be saying yes...but he was still nervous, poor guy. I loved it, but I'd have loved a more private one just as much. For me, it basically comes down to the fact that the HOW of the proposal doesn't matter as much as the WHO.
But, had it been another one of my boyfriends proposing in public, as a surprise, I would have probably said yes in the moment and taken it back later. ANd I'd have been pissed at being put on the spot like that. So public proposals are definitely a risk.
I wouldnt mind a public proposal if we had recently discussed that we could see getting married to each other.
... I always wondered this, too.
mine wasn't a proposal (not even close) and i didn't even say no..
i went to my family friend's grand opening & party after and at the end of the night, one of his friend from med school asked me if he could take me out to dinner infront of all his friends.. it took me by surprise and left me speechless.. one of the guys that was there tells me that him and his med school friends still like to make fun of him about that night..
Peer Pressure is something that is pretty unpredictable but I would have to admitt it'd be hard to say no in a large crowd. Specially if this guy really loves you. The worst part is that you only have a split second to answer and your thinking well maybe I'm not ready yet and if you said no then maybe he wouldn't date you anylonger because of humiliation.
I think the best thing to do is at least bring it up once or more in light conversation; nothing drastic, because it can still be a surprise in the end but you get more feelings targeted to see if the person is ready or not.
I would be really uncomfortable with something like that unless he knew where I stood beforehand. Not because I think it's presumptuous or I'd be scared about saying no or the pressure or whatever, but just because I have to think EVERYTHING through, and I can never give such an immediate answer like that. Any guy who is with me has to understand that.
I think it's a little bit of both actually. One would hope that whoever is doing the proposing, is intelligent enough to know whether their s.o. would be ok with that. I've never been surprised in that nature anyways so it would probably be kind of nice.
@npr32486@xanga - that was messed up but I have to admit I was laughing. You know you got owned when the mascot is patting you on the back and Tracy McGrady is laughing at you.
I would hope that the guy has talked it over with the girl, so he knows that there is a GOOD chance that they will get a yes.
I've seen a public No and it's rough.
well there are videos of guys being rejected at ball games. the down side it, it really sucks if he gets rejected. unless the woman proposed
@npr32486@xanga - I was just gonna post a link to that... lol.
if i wanted to say no, i'd say no. if i wanted to say yes, i'd say yes.
i would be more inclined to say no to a public proposal, since that would tell me my guy doesn't know me as well as he thinks he does.
Never been through an experience like that, but I imagine I would feel a lot of pressure. Even if I wanted to marry a given person, I would rather have a private proposal than a public one.
Public proposals are lame.. it's not as intimate & there's too much pressure. I want to say yes when I'm ready & I also think that's a special moment to be shared between me & my significant other.
It could be a little bit of both.
I was proposed to on the phone with his parents listening in. I didn't say anything, his mom started on the phone planning the whole thing out before I said YES. And I never did say yes...I also didn't marry him.
@dreamerboi23@xanga - It's a fake though. I was reading comments and re-watching the video, and I definitely heard the announcers saying that it was a "nice prank before valentine's day" or at least something along those words, plus, the comments also said the rockets liked to play pranks once in a while..
As for this, yea, I think the pressure would cause people to answer yes even if they weren't ready for marriage or the guy wasn't right. So, I have to say, that a proposal gone wrong can mean the end of the relationship. Depends on how much the guy can handle a rejection and wait for the girl to be ready, or how much the girl can tolerate...