Mr.
Lion Learning to adjust here in America was tough. Learning to get used to a relationship was even tougher. The hardest part was when it came to a kiss, even the ones on the cheek. It took me years before I had the courage to kiss a girl.
I remember the first time a friend of mine in junior high gave me a kiss on the cheek. I didn't react to it; I just went about my business. When another friend did the same, that's when I became really confused. I saw other guys, mostly American-born kids, kissing girls on the cheeks. I thought maybe they were dating or in a relationship. I didn't know anything behind the kiss so I wasn't sure what either meant.
I was under the impression that a kiss signified something bigger, more than a friendship. I think a part of that had to do with growing up in a culture where kissing was not out in the open. Husbands and wives only kissed in the comforts of their own house because public displays of affection were looked down upon. Eventually I figured out the small things about dating and relationships. I’m glad it didn't take me too long but it was still hard getting used to it.
Have you or someone you know been in this situation? Is kissing awkward sometimes?
Did you learn about kissing yourself or did you see it and react?
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Comments (38)
i learned myself. I LOVE kissing =]
Kissing can be so awkward. My mum has these Portuguese friends who come round the house every now and again, and being European, they love the whole "kiss both cheeks" thing (sorry, I don't know what it's called).
I mean, I know the UK IS a part of Europe, however, we just don't do that here. Whether or not you still actually do that in like France or Italy or Portugal, I don't know, but we don't.
Oh and real kissing - I learnt for myself. It's lovely when you can share it with someone special - otherwise, for me, it's just awkward.
LOL When you said "Did you learn about kissing yourself.." I thought you meant like kissing your own self. haha...
Anyway! I don't think kissing is awkward. It's fine if it is on the cheeks. I just hate it when I see people make out in public. Especially the ones who look like they're eating each others faces and all the touching each other stuff. It's like OMG Get a room already! I can't stand to see PDA. Even a kiss on the lips is fine with me. I just don't want to see face eating make out sessions.
:)
Learned by myself... Well, not totally, it's pretty impossible to learn totally alone isn't it?
My family comes from different cultures, and in some of them, kissing your family or a close friend is just a matter of salutation. There's nothing behind it. Thus, I don't necessarily kiss my friends on the cheeks unless they proceed to give me a kiss on the cheek. I keep the kissing on the cheek to a minimum, and I kiss family members for the most part.
When I first went to Spain I had no clue! I was introduced to a lot of people and wanted to shake their hands but they were sort of put off by it. Afterward someone explained to me that they kiss on both cheeks for a greeting, not shaking hands. I thanked them and apologized... after that it was all gravy! I think the best way to learn about different cultures is to be immersed in them. It's the best way!
@ALMOST_Spankyyy@xanga - I knooooow! I especially hate being stuck in an elevator or on an escalator when ppl are essentially trying to eat each other's faces. Like, um... not now, please.
kissing was very confusing to me. even now that i'm older, i get confused/stressed when situations come up that require cheek kissing.
@MochaSprinkle@xanga - OMG An elevator is even worse. It's like you're in a box for those few seconds but it feels like forever. That is such an awkward position to be in. haha.
I can't remember exactly how I learned. But I think I can recall instances in school where girls would kiss me on the cheek and act as though it were merely a friendly thing. When at other times, you wouldn't even kiss a girl on the cheek until (if) you started 'going out'.
So, yeah, I can remember sometimes being confused about intentions. But then, after awhile I think girls begin to realize that we don't always read the signals correctly, and then use that against us like a game.
-Which unfortunately is how a lot of women still act towards relationships today. Whereas men are generally either in it solely for sex, or for a relationship.
it's all about the moment and her(for me) body language. the less personal space you give her, the quicker you'll find out whether she's comfortable with you being so close. but these days a lot of people think of a kiss on the cheek as nothing more than a simple greeting.
I find kissing awkward when it's someone you meet for the first time & they hug & kiss you on the cheek.. We don't do that as Asians.. & even now, reading the body language still isn't second nature for me 'cause I usually don't expect it until the last second when someone's leaning in & I hear the "muah" sound. >.< I'm such a noob.
But with my boyfriend, I don't have to worry about body language. It just comes naturally. :)
As for kissing, I guess you watch & learn. It isn't something that you're just born with. That's how babies do it. It's super cute watching a baby learn to kiss. haha. First they learn to lean in.. then after a few weeks, they learn to lean in & pull away when they've "kissed" & then after a few more weeks they'll pick up the sound but it's a few seconds after they've pulled away. Just adorable~ [Sorry about that random tangent.. :P]
I was not confused but my college room mate was...she went as far as kissing her all of her guy friends on the lips and all of them totally got the wrong impression and thought there was "something" going on between them. All of them fell for her thinking they were on a path to a serious relationship. It wasn't until she told me one guy was soo in love w/her and she told me what happened and how he poured his guts out to her and just shocked the living hell out of her. In fact, it totally put her on guard and made her avoid him to no ends.
when I explained to her the difference between a kiss on a cheek to a kiss on the lips, she got the cultures confused...In parts of Europe, some kiss on the lips and she thought hey, that's the norm there, must be the norm here in the U.S. NOT..so after explaining to her a simple hello gesture to a close friend would be a simple kiss on the cheek is the norm, kissing your guy friends' lips is definitely not the way to go unless your guy friends KNOW the kiss on the lips is your way of saying hello, nice to see you again...
Her poor guy friend was soo heartbroken though....this is a girl that's been in the U.S. since she was 11 yrs old and I'm not quite sure why she thought the way she did but it did some damage to her friendship w/her guy friends....It was a lesson learned for her for sure!
When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When I visited this filipino family, they all greeted each other with a kiss on the cheek. It may be weird, but it's still very friendly. It wasn't that hard to get used to.
It happens allllll the time in the salsa environment too. I don't mind... lotsa hot girls out there :)
@Koolou@xanga - dude i can understand where you're coming from. one of my girlfriend's is a total vixen and she toys with guys all the time. That's so not ok (even if some girls to justify it by saying women have had to endure centuries of patriarchal societies). So i'm sorry women are like that, i sincerely try not to be... Some guys can be total jerks too so i guess you can't judge a person by their sex. You'll just have to figure girls out one at a time cuz we're not all the same. :)
As for the kissing bit. I love kissing on the cheeks, and i'm american. It's so much more of a warm greeting than a handshake (although i understand the importance of a firm handshake in business). My girlfriends and i always kiss on the cheek, and some of my guy friends too. But we were all in choir together and we've had to change costumes backstage together so we're a close bunch :) I wouldn't kiss a stranger as a greeting in America for sure :)
It is a bit awkward. I wasn't used to the kissing on the cheek thing either.
I find it so weird to kiss someone's cheek that's not your significant other. I even find it weird when my own family kisses my cheeks. ]; I see my friends kiss each other on the cheek, and I just feel awkward looking at them.
This is coming from an American perspective too, by the way.
when i was younger my mom was watching a movie i dont remember what, but the girl kissed the boy on the cheek and left the room i thought it was funny so the next day i went to school and kissed a boy in my class on the cheek and by the end of the day my whole 2nd grade class was kissing eachother. My teacher was freaking out. haha
I think a kiss on the cheek doesn't necessarily have to be a relationship or anything, but a really important friendship. I think it's one of the best ways to demonstrate affection because it requires no reciprocation. It's possible, but it's really hard to kiss someone on the cheek with crazy-lust driving you. It keeps your intentions honorable, and says "I just want you to know, I think you're incredibly special"
Course, some may call me a prude. I'd like to say I'm responsible
a kiss on the cheek was never awkward for me.It's a way to say hello and goodbye where im from. it's a natural thing to do when you see someone you know.
I'm STILL not used to it, after 10 year of living in the US.
My school teacher actually taught me. She was a female and he was close with all her kids.
But what confuses me is that there is no rule on which side you are suppose to kiss >:O argh. I never know....
This probably depends on where you are in the United States. I'm from the Midwest, and we don't commonly kiss. I get hugs and kisses from relatives, but that's all.
i only kiss a person's cheek if they are:
- family
- close friends i haven't seen in a while, sometimes not even
it's not my thing. i didn't grew up here in US. i adapted to it, but still it's one of those spur of the moment kind of thing i do.
but i love real kissing in a private place. i hate pda
I'm in the midwest also, and we only kiss family on the cheek.
I recently met a few exchange students from France. When these strangers kissed me on the cheek, I didnt' know what to think, but it's just part of their culture, so I got used to it.
I've lived in the US all my life, and I have *never* come across this trend outside of my family. It would certainly take some getting used to, the fact that a random old guy you meet on the street could have the opportunity to do that. Not that that is rampant these days, but it is rather a scary thought. Although I do often address my friends as "dear," "hon," "love," etc. Sometimes even complete strangers, depending on how old they are. So maybe it's not so far away for me.
yeah the kissing on the cheek is a bit awkward for me too unless we are dating. it's like "ohhh...umm...oh ok..."