Dr. Datingish
I
have been with this guy for only a little while, but we have been
friends for about six months. After about two months of being friends,
he told me that he liked me and he wanted to get to know me better.
This was great - I felt the exact same way. He finally asked me out and
of course I said yes.
I am the type that HATES clingy guys or
guys that get overly jealous and I am afraid that he is one of them. He
always wants to hang out and never can understand when I want to hang
out with my best girl friend, just us two.
Here's the bigger
issue:
He references the future all the time.
Just the other day, he was telling me that I should go to the same
college he attends now so we could see each other more. I don't go to
college for a little less than a year. That's pretty far away...and
should he really assume we will still be together? Or what about when
he gets into the whole marriage/sex topic?
So do you think that
I am just being stupid and should I not be thinking about this? I don't
know if this is just "cute" or something I should be worried about
since I feel like he is already in love with me and I know I don't feel
as strongly about him right now.
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Comments (33)
hmmm talk to him about it. some people just like to think ahead, and think out loud.
perhaps tell him that kind of talk bothers you and that you are only concerned about the present at this point in your life. also explaint he importance of your time away from him, "absence makes the heart grow fonder (and give you a break!)"
if he gets the hint, he'll chill. if he doesn't, and gets even more clingy...maybe it's time to nip this one in the bud.
Maybe you should reconsider this relationship. If you feel that you're not comfortable with his attitude in this relationship, why not confront him and ask him to change for you. If he is willing to change for you, it means that he's willing to sacrifice in order to prove to you that he loves you. When he gets clingy, it can be a good thing as he may be overprotective towards you. Hence, he's afraid of losing you. Good Luck anyway!!
I think you should have a talk with him. He may not realize how far ahead he's getting and I think you're right, he is becoming clingy. When talking to him calmly, be sure to let him know how much you do like him, but you also need your own space and your own friends and your own time - just as he does. And that will actually bring the two of you closer, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I completely understand what you're going through with your guy. I'm in the same boat sorta... I've been on one date with the guy and he is already frustrated that my job keeps me super busy and the next time I have free is over a week away! I like and need my own space and my own time! I can't do clingy either! I'd give advice but on that subject... I don't know what to tell ya.... cuz if I did, I wouldn't be in the situation either.
As far as saving sex for marriage! I'm nearing 25 years old and I'm still a virgin and it's something that I hold as a very valuable possession of mine that God only has one man picked out that is worthy of receiving that gift! God tells us that sex is for marriage and that's what I'm waiting for!
It sounds like he's being clingy. You just started dating recently and he's already talking about marriage. Talk to him about it since it's something you're worried about.
He does sound a bit clingy, so don't wait any longer to talk to him about the issue. You're not wrong for feeling that way either. It's obviously making you feel uncomfortable that he keeps talking about the future, but he may not know how you feel. Guys can't read minds, as much as we wish they could. Let him know that you ARE interested in him and in continuing to date him, but that you would prefer to take it one day at a time. There's no need to rush. Good luck with everything!
Tricky grounds it sounds to me like he may be a little clingy and slightly jealous. If you really like him youll put up with it, if it gets to just wear you out then you should consider leaving him. Just dont do anything to rash until you know how you feel completely. The last thing you want to do is make a mistake.
He is a bit clingy,
like you should have your own time and stuff.
Try talking to him, really...
I honestly don't see it as a big issue unless you guys spend like no time together in a week or 2 and if you guys stop communicating.
I can understand why he talked about the future and stuff,
me and my ex talked about it too.
To me it simply means hes sees a future with you,
but obviously you are not obligated to make it come true.
I see it as something to look forward to,
but maybe you should tell him that if he has faith in you guys,
and he cares about you,
he should let you make your own decisions,
and how to keep the relationship going is something you 2 will automatically work at if you want to be together.
honestly, I'd rather have a man thats a bit too clingy,
than one whos not clingy at all.
Guys who are not clingy at all wander off too easily,
and it's almost impossible to get them to put effort into the relationshp.
From recent experience, you try to ask him to make more effort,
he ignores you,
dissappears, then ends up back with his ex,
and then shows up only to break up
... not to mention he really wants to be friends.
but the friends part doesn't always happen I guess.
It be great if you can just get some Bounce and throw him in the dryer for a few cycles.
Yeah, sounds like you wanna slow things down. So Just tell him you wanna slow things down. Because that is who you are right now. Everyone grows at the pace that is right for them, that's just the way it is.
But relationships ought to be more fun, comfortable and healthy. If he can't do his part in working with you towards this, then perhaps he needs to find a more compatible partner/friend to cling around with. I mean hang around with.
change college. choose a very far from his instead. what looks a little "wind" now could become a "storm" in the future (oh, YOUR future).
I think you should talk with him and see his reaction or play his game and start talking about marriage. If he's agree anyway take the first plane for a random location..
You should have an honest conversation with him. Don't let it escalate 'till things turn sour.
i am a pretty clingy guy, and our biggest fear is girlfriends that are NOT committed. this is why every relationship of mine failed before the one i have now. all my ex girlfriends weren't as committed as i was. i was always in for the long haul, they weren't. i was always thinking about our future, they didn't. i would say, he's probably as afraid as you are, so you might need to reconsider the relationship. some guys just long for companionship, and it's looked upon so sourly these days. if it was my choice, i would see my girlfriend every day, and she would want that too. maybe find a different guy that can handle not seeing you a lot, because if he's anything like me, he won't let up. it's just the way some of us are wired, and there is nothing in this world that can change us.
well, let him know that, let him know what you think. Sometime it's no use to think so much in the future, just live at the present, because it's the present that you have to deal with.
You should be honest & just straight out tell him everything.. that you're a bit freaked out that he's coming on so strong & that you need your space. Those are really important things you're gonna need to make your relationship work. He's also got to be understanding if he's so confident of your future together. If you keep holding it in, you're only going to make things worse, especially for yourself. It's not good for your health..
My ex was just like that & I felt the same way.. except I never told him everything that bothered me [sorta true]. I should have but in the end, I wasn't feeling it & I broke up with my ex way later than I should have & I think it hurt him a lot. [He was also a bit of a psycho though..]
@y_tc@xanga - So true. There's enough problems to deal with at the present time! Why add more to that? haha.
damn, is he a virgin?! lol j/k. most college guys i knew when i was growing up DIDNT want a gf. ive had guy friends tell me that they regret getting into a relationship during college because they felt like they missed out on the college life. most college boys just want to party and live up to the college lifestyle. you know, drink beer, talk about women's asses & boobs, play poker, watch porn or play counterstrike all day long. anyways, back to you, if your man is already getting overly jealous or clingy, its a sign. the sign is flashing in bright red -- "EXIT" now!
STAY AWAY FROM KLINGONS!
I mean, the college things is ok..it's just a suggestion. I make that sort of a suggestions to people I know all the time. That means nothing.
But someone who automatically assumes marriage in the future when you're still in the dating process is a bit dangerous.
These are the kind of people who will threaten to kill themselves if you ever break up with them.
Okay, once again I'm going to throw out the novel idea of sitting down with him and having a conversation.
For real, people, what the fuck is so hard about just talking to your significant other if you're willing to flaunt your problems over the internet? If it's come sort of confronting issue just imagine they're a freaking blank web page and the table is the damn keyboard.
It sounds as though you're both just at different places in your lives. I think in a relationship, both people are always at somewhat different levels, but this one sounds as though you're on very different levels.
I think you should have a talk with him about this. Tell him how you're feeling, and the two of you can decide together if this relationship is something you'd like to continue to pursue.
It's always tough to strike the right balance because usually one person likes the other person more. I'm glad that you have a grounded and healthy perspective of this relationship - time alone with your best friend is definitely a must and so is the freedom to consider what school you want to go to w/o pressure from the bf. You should have a talk with him - he sounds a bit insecure about how you feel about him, so maybe try to show signs that you do care - try to get him to understand your perspective. If not, you're still young and in the process of learning what types of relationships work for you and it seems clingy isn't one of them so there ya go. =)
I don't like guys who are clingy either and he does seem like he is one. I think he's thinking too far into the future as well. You should talk to him. You need your own time and space as well. He should understand. Make sure he knows exactly how you feel though.
I'm friends with a clinger like that... although the friend I hang out with is another guy. He tries to insert himself into my life in places I don't want him. He tries to be cute but it's just effing annoying. .... Anyway. When he brings that stuff up, tell him you're not ready to think about all that yet. Tell him you're not there right now and it's too far ahead to start making plans.
If it bothers you, don't overlook it. My personal belief is that if you have the thought once before, chances are it's going to creep into there again at some point in time. It's better to address it now, because like you said, maybe he just thinks this is a good way to keep you around.
If that's not the case, then it's up to you what you want to do. But at least you know you tried and can have no regrets about it all.
No matter what you choose to make of his future talk for now, just don't ever believe it with all of your heart. That's setting yourself up for disappointment. Better to be weirded out by it now instead of taking it to heart.
you should think about your future first and foremost, and i'm sure you'll find a lot more guys in college who are interesting. just take it easy, if he doesn't, to the curb he goes.
I don't think you are being stupid and I think you should worry about this. You should definately talk to him and make it clear what your position and thoughts are in this relationship. It will only get harder when you drag it out longer, and all you are going to do is be stress about the situation and that's not a happy thing. It took me two yrs to learn this so don't make the same mistake!!