This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.I was wondering, for the female readers out there...
Do you find yourself being sucked into an argument with your boyfriend and feeling bad about it afterwards (even though you did not instigate the argument in the first place) ?
I've been thinking lately about that and I noticed that most of my girlfriends have also been put in that type of position.
It's absolutely irritating when my boyfriend does that, and he knows it. I suppose it's something guys like to do because it makes them think that on some level they have control or perhaps it's just some pathetic way to boost their ego. And then of course once they finally get to you and your blood pressure has skyrocketed, they say something like, "Babe... I love you." or anything of the sort. And BAM! instant forgiveness.
Why do they LOVE to do this?
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Comments (40)
LOL, that's something I do to my boyfriends. :D
Horrible I know.. . but note: I don't start the fights though. I also can't stay mad for a long time either.
This used to happen to me a lot! Until I realized it was okay to be the victim. It's not fair that when that happens over and over again.
Also, that whole "instant forgiveness" is obviously only skin deep if you're finding repeated irritation with the outcome.
Xo
Omg my boyfriend does this alllll the time. And everytime I ask him why, he's all "I don't know." Ah, it's not amusing!
I have been put in that position a lot but it's not my boyfriends fault either. It's the people and his surroundings that put thoughts in his head. :[
My ex used to do that all the time. He'd pick and pick at whatever he could to try to get a reaction out of me. I'm typically very laid back, so it'd take him a while to find something. Then he'd play it off as my problem, acting all "I just want us to be happy because I love you..." Like it was my fault we were arguing. He was a manipulative jerk though, so we didn't work out.
I know my boyfriend is really good at arguing & so I often feel like I lose in arguments with him. Until one day I realized why he was so "good" in my head.. it was 'cause of how he talked to me! [He verbally put me down out of habit 'cause he was so used to talking like that.] So I yelled at him about it one time & he apologized. In addition, I've stopped being so sensitive. & since then, our arguments don't leave me feeling bleh about myself 'cause he watches how he talks to me & I've learned to stop taking everything to heart 'cause it's really unhealthy. I shrug it off 'cause I know in the end, things will be ok so no need to worry. :)
Well, I always start the arguments and he never wants to fight with me so....It's a lonely, one-way walk down that road. Every time.
Haha, guys love to play around and push our buttons. It's just best at times to go with it.
You're overthinking it. They start the argument for the sake of whatever the argument was about. It's your own guilt-complex or misunderstanding of the nature of a relationship that causes you to feel bad about it later. Don't hold that against your boyfriend, it's not his fault.
This happens to me almost all the time when me and my boy-friend get into an argument. I always wind up feeling bad about it afterwards, and then to "make up" for everything that's been said, he says "I love you" or "you know I love you..." etc. etc.
On the other hand though, sometimes I've done that to my boy-friend, and I wish I knew if he felt bad about whatever was going on... I guess that's the same thing guys are sort of going for in a way, to test or to see if their partner really and truly cares about them or a situation... it's a very strange concept.
Simple! Guys tries to control their girlfriends but we simply just rule over them
This happens to me more than I'm going to admit. I have no idea why they do it, I think they just like to start fights sometime. Jerks.
lol not with me and my BF
HE COMES TO ME BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS
Example: He message me on msn
I didnt reply cause I was outside watching ARTHUR* YES ARTHUR
So I came back 2h later and saw his message
& he continues: please answer me hun, you're starting to make me nervous here
Are you mad at me ?
LOL WHAT A DORK <3
I don't know, go figure.
i actually haven't had any fights with my boyfriend after being with him for 5 months. there have just been some times where he'd bring things to my attention, and i'd argue back or something. but the next day, he'd realize that what he brought up was stupid, then apologize for being a jerk. which then annoys me because at that point i've already gotten over it. he still continues to bash himself, which in turn makes me feel guilty.
it's really a no win situation. either way, someone feels like tish.
I think when it happens more often than it should, you should really talk to your bf.
cause you're dating a douchebag.
i'd like to believe that two mature individuals in a healthy relationship that like (/love) each other would never argue. (and please, no debates over the semantics of the word "argue." you know what i mean.)
but hey, what do i know...i've never been in a relationship myself.
It's because girls love drama, so your boyfriend is giving you what you want. Plus when you feel bad afterwards, you're more likely to put out and that's always awesome.
Or it could just be that you're really boring and he's trying to keep things interesting by pushing your buttons.
i think it's important to talk things out, and not argue. When a person isn't listening, maybe email works?
but, not i've never been in serious arguments, and when I have, i go silent and cold.
i always start the fight. but he never compromise and he start fighting back instead of just letting me win. that make our relationship gone down hill.
lesson learn, never fight during a relationship.
=)
Because, as Dane Cook pointed out, girls are mind-ninjas and he's getting his jabs in now before you destroy his brain
If you don't know what I'm referring to, you may want to youtube it or something, lol.
rofl...yea. I don't know. Sometimes, it's just a lil game. At least for me, I might tease my SO, but if she does get really upset, I'd apologize. I know it doesn't make it better, but sometimes I just mean to mess with her not make it a huge argument. It doesn't happen all the time though, so I don't know about people who argue all the time.
@s0mekindofwonderful@xanga - Yea, you have to learn to do that in a long distance relationship. Funny you even mentioned it 'cause that's exactly what I'm in at the moment. I'm glad I could be of help. Long distance is stressful because communication is an even bigger factor then. When my boyfriend & I have a heated discussion nowadays, it gets so intense that we both have to step back to cool off & then state what annoyed us. I love it 'cause the level of honesty is more than I could have imagined.. it's also great 'cause then it makes it more of a habit & totally strengthens the relationship. :) Good luck~ I'll be cheering you on 'cause you're not alone. :)
I just want to let you know...that I do not forgive my boyfriend that easily. He knows that if he starts the fight he has to apologize for it.